I've never believed people can change; circumstances, yes, people, no. We are what we are from birth until death, and people tell you everything you need to know within five minutes of meeting. Yes, experience can temper attitude, people mature or deteriorate, but beyond that?
It is wise to listen to the stories people tell. Whether truthful or fiction, the future of your relationship is all contained in the introduction.
Seventeen years ago I went to a conference with my friend and colleague Jenni. We were both students, idealistic and outspoken, committed to making our society accessible to people with disabilities. We were making this happen by forcing the campus to comply with the ADA, and coordinating a task force for the Governor's office with the objective of reforming structural (translation: boring) policies.
I've considered the question at length (seventeen years or so of pondering, to be precise) and finally decided to make an honest woman of him:
Somewhere in the muddle of moving my daughter received a package from her paternal grandparents. The contents included copies of the videos they shot when we all lived in the same town.
I was pleased to sit down with my grown-up child and watch the scenes of her evolving life, from a tiny little mewling scrap of a human to the robust and fleet-footed wonder she became. She was an exceptional and entertaining child; we had wild fun all the time, adored each other completely. I am hugely thankful someone recorded those moments.
By the time my son was toddling around, I realized he had only seen Lori a handful of times. She would say things such as, "I need to come see your son before he's all grown up," but when I tried to make that happen, she usually claimed she wasn't available. She rarely accepted my offer to come over for dinner or a visit. Instead, she would say, "Why don't you come here instead," which I took as a code for "come to my quiet, childfree home."
They will tell you you can't sleep alone in a strange place
Then they'll tell you you can't sleep with somebody else
Oh but sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it's okay, you wake up with yourself
~ Billy Joel
When I was pregnant, people said things like, "Oh, you are going to love being a mom." "Wait until you see your baby--instant love." "Once you hold your baby, the things that you once thought were important will no longer be important." All of these women, members of that secret club of mothers, would smile knowingly, and, I, wanting to be a part of their society, would nod along with them, so certain my impending bliss.
My father is a beekeeper.
First Comes Love. Then comes domestic partner agreements, durable powers of attorney for finances, health care proxies, hospital visitation authorizations, last wills and testaments, living wills - and, if you are parents or prospective parents, donor and co-parenting agreements.
