it's been on my mind recently as a good friend of mine struggles with her relationship either falling apart, or turning a corner. she keeps in touch with me - sporadically - just defeated by the hurt, the implications for the future if they can't stay together, the whole thing is kicking her ass. i found myself telling her that you don't have to forgive everything your partner does to stay together. that staying together is something independent of whether you can make peace with something that happened. and it occurs to me that this is new information even for me.