So, we are forgoing Burning Man this year due to financial sparsity and fiscal responsibility. Poo. I knew this all along but got caught up in the excitement when all my friends were planning on going. One by one they all backed out and dh and I were the last to remain steadfast in the scheme, but alas, we recieved $200 in overdraft charges due to tricky bank posting (since we started an online account we have been good about knowing how much we have in the account, and I swear up and down that they post items in a way that sets their customers up for overdrafts, damn that was and expensive couple of cups of coffee! I hate US Bank) so that pretty much tipped the money scales into not going. I think that I'll have a private BM party on the beach, we can stay at a friend's parents beach house, my sis and her bf are going to come with us, and we can still make art and then burn it in a beach bonfire. It'll be fun, plus we can start planning for next year, save $$$ and do it right. Since my scholarship only covers 5 semesters I have to pay my own tuition this fall, and with private school prices I am paying $4600 for 6 stinkin' credits. That pretty much takes all my financial aid, pell grant and 3 loans. Ah well. I hope that this job comes through at the VA. I finally got an ink cartridge for our printer and printed out those darn government forms. I'll turn them in tomorrow. On the plus side of things I got a call from my lost friend, we talked, I went out to see her (she lives in a town 37 miles away). In talking with her I realize that our "break-up" was totally silly and mostly generated by my over-reaction to events that I didn't have all the facts to. I feel like I was justified in reacting to things- had they been what I thought they were- however I had over-analyzed the situation and reacted without thinking due to my own fear of what I thought was going on. She loves me, she knows me and best of all she forgives me. She also seems to have grown, or maybe it was me that's grown, probably a combo. I am working on allowing people to be who and where they are instead of having expectations that let me down. I simply do not always know whats best, and really have no right to tell anyone how to live their life. I need to yes, set healthy boundaries, but also understand that when you have an intimate relationship with anyone you must allow them to simply be. Co-dependancy is a bitch, I really am learning that I am not responsible to fix everything for everyone around me, and realizing this I am free to not try to control them, to not try to vigilantly keep them from making mistakes that I am afraid I will then have to fix. I am not a superwoman, I do not have to save my friends all the time, I am not a savior, when I try to be I crucify myself every time. I am so glad to have Lulu back in my life, I feel a calmness that has been missing, she is my kindred spirit, and we love eachother. God I can be such a judgemental self-rightious cunt sometimes. So tomorrow I am getting a trim at the hairdresser, meeting my old childhood neighbor who used to babysit my sisters and I and just so happens to live down the street now, for tea, and Lulu is coming up to see me and my place. What a great day!