Do we suck or is it a phase? Please tell me it's a phase, please oh please.
...slightly cross-posted...
The day before Mothers' Day I took my son to the zoo, and became one of "those people." - Y'know, the lady with the screaming, running-off-into-a-crowd, not stopping, climbing into the cheetah exhibit kid who finally yells beet-faced at the top of her lungs when she catches the little fucker, "THAT'S IT WE'RE GOING HOME!" and buckles his too-big-for-the-stroller-butt into the stroller and storms outta there in a fuming huff.
ARGH!
He's three, by the way.
Yesterday, as I was taking him home from a walk around the block and had picked him up to ward off a sidewalk sit-in, as we call 'em, he pulled my earring out of my ear. OUCH! Since we were three houses down from where we were going (the car to go to brunch w/ babydaddy), I put him down, walked away, got in the car, started it, and drove the fifty feet to get him, where he sat on the sidewalk in tears with no doubt very hurt feelings....just in time for BD to show up and see me on the verge of a Susan Smith moment.
Ladies, I was not dealing well. Then again, he was being a raging three-year-old asshole. This is, I suspect, the other side of the Mr. DIY coin.
(deep breath)
I like to think I set reasonable boundaries, not too many hard and fast rules, but some that are unbendable...like don't go in the street, talk to or go with strangers, or climb into the cheetah exhibit.
gonna slap you.
Whoever said "terrible twos" never dealt with a 3 yo...
My theory: Those of us who know how to deal with all the NOs and WHYs of a 2 yo just get blown away when our cute, funny, inquisitive child turns 3 and becomes a RAGING MONSTER!!! (not to mention to solid 3 years of whining...)
3 sucks! It's really hard and, unfoturnately, your boy sounds typical 3 to me. I know there are angel 3 year olds out there, but the ones I know sound exactly like yours...
Keep taking those deep breaths and putting yourself in time outs. I promise it gets better... Oh, and carry pictures when he being cute so you can have evidence that he can be fun!
"certified kick ass by dreammama"
"Don't climb into the cheetah exhibit!" is a perfectly acceptable request to make of a child.
Sounds like Mr. DIY is just going through one of the many, many re-organizations of his world. _Every_ time my little goober goes through a growth spurt (be it physical, emotional, mental, etc.), we go through this phase of needing to remind him what our rules are, keep on giving out the gentle warnings... "Stop hitting that glass door with your hammer, or I'll have to take it away and give you a time out!" Hang tough mama, this too shall pass (but if this seems to be part of his personality and learning pattern you might just be dealing with this a few times a year until he's in 2nd grade or so, then more sporadically through the years.).
Sounds a three-year-old I know! I think it's pretty typical behavior for that age, unfortunately.
_________
"It takes a village, people!"
- Carson Kressley
"Sounds a three-year-old I know! I think it's pretty typical behavior for that age, unfortunately"
Typical? That depends on what expectations you have and how you deal with them. My kids didn't do this stuff at three because
a. I knew what they were able to handle and didn't expect them to police themselves and
b. If they did try something once, we left the place and didn't come back and I made it clear that their behavior was what caused the leaving. They knew right away that if they ever wanted to return to the fun activity, they had to behave. Period.
My kids tried acting out ONCE when we were out. They learned that doing that meant not getting to go out anymore. They didn't do it again. If they even thought of acting out, all I had to do was remind them that they would be going home and they stopped, nipped it in the bud. Consistency seemed to be the thing that did it.
Carrie
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience but spiritual beings having a human one." ~Gurdjieff
Carrie
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience but spiritual beings having a human one." ~Gurdjieff
"My kids tried acting out ONCE when we were out."
really.
no, really. i believe you.
really.
"I've done a lot of things in my life I ain't too proud of, and the things I am proud of are disgusting." - Mo Szyslak
LOL Fart....I think I left every restaurant with food still on the table at least once, left every park, every shopping center and had to pull off the road to pick up the child's shoes I had thrown out the window too many times to count. Talk about consistancy!! And he was a pretty easy kid. 
And he didn't throw fits, he did other equally irritating and debilitating things that made me change colors. Purple, grey, white...oh and green. I think once I realized that (1)he's a boy (sorry if that sounds weird) that he'll never be a girl, act like a girl, smell like a girl,or play like a girl (2)reminded him gently oh-so-many times that if he wants to play with his penis, please don't do it in Walmart, it's more appropriate to do so in the restroom or in his room at home (3) carried a time-out timer in my purse and (4) created Rowdy his arch-nemisis, we got along MUCH better!!!
and only time i spanked them. we were grocery shopping & they were way hyped up more than ever & not lsitening AT ALL, i gaveten three chances to behave properly in public and they did not so i left the shopping cart, we left the store, i refused to speak to them until we got home where i said quietly something to the effect that their behaviour was not acceptable, and there was consquneces of being so difficult that we coudl not buy our food, one two three swats across 3 bums & then i said to your rooms, if you come out before i calm down and call for you i will not be responsible.
oooh, they were so quiet & we didn't have that situation again...where they were intolerable, of course they stil acted up, but i could remind them of whathappens if they can't bahve and they would shape up
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(wow - my email on file was so old - it was from the old hipmama email!)
It's a phase, and as long as you keep making reasonable demands and keep enforcing them/following through you guys will get out of it. I remember a melt down at a zoo, too.
***It's life Jim...but not as we know it***
how did bd react? i'm almost afraid to ask. yeah dd was a raving loonie at three. i remember seeing myself, and hearing myself chasing her and saying, "GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT (yes i really said this instant)AND PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON!"
this is when i realized i would never again be cool. i watched that butcrack bounce away and heard the giggling, and thought, when did this happen? when did i become the stick in the mud? oh well, what can you do? sometimes when my girl does something like that once we cooled down i would ask her why, what she was hoping to find out from it. usually she was curious about something. does milk splatter farther than water? with climbing most of the time it was about what could she see from up there. then i would talk to her about whatever got her interest, and maybe help her with an experiment that i could control. it would be nice, i would hold her up high, maybe eye level with daddy so she can see what he sees. i thought it would help with the unsupervised experiments. i thought (don't laugh at me) that she would learn that i was would help her find stuff out and therefroe when she got curious about something she'd come to me and say, "what do you think milk, peaut buttter, crushed oreos and orange juice all taste like together?" and i, like the ultea cool mom i am, would say, "let's find out!" and we'd happily do our little experiment together, nicely, neatly and quickly. don't laugh. it didn't work.
I won't laugh.
Threes need limits. Tough luck for them.
A major facet of our job is to keep 'em alive. That other side of the coin (they're so cute and loving!) is what keeps us from assisting them in their quest for an early death.
Definitely a phase.
Oh yeah, it gets rough sometimes, and anyone who tells you any different is either lying or insane! I tell my kids, one of these days my head will explode. It will go *poof* just like a dandelion, then what'cha gonna do? The first time I said that they got real quiet and were grossed out (all 3 have very vivid imaginations and easily pictured me with an exploded dandelion head) but now they think it's funny, a joke.Hugs to you! and you are right to be firm with the boundaries, don't ever feel you aren't.
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Hey, Lady K,
I've been checking in on your blog for the past few months, but couldn't get the logging in thing to work, so couldn't talk back. Today it worked! Yay!
I just wanted to say, that I found three to be incredibly incredibly challenging. The twos were great for both my boys, but three! Help me! I never knew I could feel so angry, so overwhelmed and so freaked out. My big ds actually threw a wok at me. . . .(he used it normally for pretend cooking, not violence) anyway, that was a truly bad day.
You will figure out what works to calm your ds down, what distracts him, how to know when the big bad mood is coming, how not to push that wacky freak out button. Of course, once you get good at three, he won't be three anymore, and you'll have to learn something else.
My big boy is almost nine, and it's been nine years of learning and new adventures (and lots of anger, sleep deprivation, depession, too, to be honest) My little ds who is 5 has been a little easier to parent, since I wasn't doing it all the first time. . . .and I've gotten very good at apologizing when I let them push MY buttons and I end up being the one freaking out
Good luck getting through this challenging year. . .four is really a lot easier!
at least i know there are ALL of you to whine to and tell my terrible thoughts to.
garsh, and laugh at all the great posts in your advice to lady kaboom.
my 2 1/2 yr old guy is a headbanger! and if we try to protcet his melon from concrete or solid furniture he only gets more determined to smash it.
i look forward to unloading all the crud he's gonna put me thru.
darn, girls were easier!
lady kaboom, my heart goes out to you. i keep telling my guy "i can't keep saving your life, one of these days i'm not gonna be fast enough and then what?" and it worries me that one day i WON'T....broken bones and lots of grey hairs are in my near future and i don't need no tarot to tell me that!!!
>>>>like don't go in the street, talk to or go with strangers, or climb into the cheetah exhibit.>>>
He's three? Like the preschool teacher once told me, you are expecting too much from him. Three is not old enough to remember those things well. No kidding, some threes may remember well, but most parents don't realize they are expecting someone too young to police themselves. It just isn't realistic.
I never expected my three year olds to stay and not run. I always made sure I had them firmly in my hand, either by the hand or in a harness. They are just too young to always remember and to understand the dangers these things pose to themselves.
Our society is too fond of giving small children swimming lessons instead of actually remaining in arm's reach of the litle ones in water. I mean we are too good at placing the responsibility of their safety on them, at ages when they just cannot comprehend the dangers enough or remember enough to consistently follow through.
Yeah, it means parenting is harder and more time and energy intensive than most of us realize. But there you are. I don't care if all of society says I'm wrong. Here in AZ, the proof is in the tons of little kids drowned every year in pools because their parents expected them not to run to the pool or go outside without them, etc, the same kids that had swimming lessons and the like. We have to stop expecting little kids to parent themselves or be responsible for their own safety. That's just the truth and sometimes the truth hurts.
Carrie
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience but spiritual beings having a human one." ~Gurdjieff
No, I was saying you and all parents need to have realistic expectations about what a three year old is capable of. They aren't capable of policing themselves like you seem to say you expect yours to do in the OB. Three year olds won't remember not to talk to strangers, won't remember not to run into the street, won't remember not to get away from you and go to the cheetah cage etc. They just cannot understand the dangers of these situations and they won't remember your rules concerning them because developmentally, they just are not able to very well on a consistent basis. That's it. My comments about parenting had to do with the fact that realizing that your expectations are too high may mean more work for you. Kids don't come with a manual, so I didn't know about realistic expectations either, until I learned them from several sources that have more education than I in early childhood development. Once I learned to have reasonable expectations, I found myself having to work harder at the watchfulness and parenting stuff, so I commented on it.
Carrie
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience but spiritual beings having a human one." ~Gurdjieff
Thanks for sharing your melt down moments...made me smile...cause I have had MORE than my share with my 6 yo...I keep trying to remind myself that his strength and will will bode well for him in life...(he is a little version of me so I have proof)...
Someone posted about how there are developmental time periods of struggle...it's SO true...once I think I've got the PERFECT plan of action, he goes and switches into some OTHER reason to stretch his limits and then you have to reajust...It's not all about parenting...it's a lot about just who they are...little humans...some come to the world happy easygoing and ready to please...some fight it just for the hell of it...my son was the latter in the WOMB!
Staying one step ahead of it is a struggle...Have you ever read those books..."your 3 yr old" "your 5 year old" etc...they really helped me in the "pick up the screaming child" phase...something about stepping back and seeing the big picture helped me...
Again, thanks for sharing a real moment, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one on here about to lose her mind!
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I police my kid quite a bit.
I enforce my rules.
I'm a hand holder.
I find your implication that if I only parented my kid more and better he'd never act out a bit offensive.