I need some book help: death & afterlife
So... Mr. Dude has been asking me questions about death. He doesn't like the idea that everyone eventually dies (I've handled this one with appropriate delicacy, I think.), and I've told him that it *usually* happens when you are very, very old, older than Aunt Dorothy (almost 90), and that we don't disappear when we die. Our bodies stop working, but we go on somehow. I believe this, but in addition, seeing the grief on his face made me realize that in all likelyhood faith in an afterlife was invented for just this purpose: to comfort a child who believes he will stay as such forever.
This is where I usually go into the "Some people believe..." dance, explaining that some folks think you go to heaven, some folks think you get reincarnated, nobody *really* knows, etc., leaving it open-ended enough, but not without the comforting balm of faith in something.
Here's where I'm stumbling: There no longer seem to be any books on the subject that aren't focused on one set of beliefs. Either that, or they totally avoid the whole what-happens-to-us-after-we-die bit. They're either opaquely Chrisitian, or exclusively about processing emotions. I looked up this great book I had as a kid called Will I Go to Heaven? that's perfect, but it's out of print, and someone's selling it online for $75 as a collector's item.....Grrrr....
Anyone have any book suggestions?
gonna slap you.
when my grandmther was dying in hospice. i saw that dd was getting scared about all the emotion around her. the book i bought was called "lifetimes: a beautiful way to explain death to children." it's ok, but not perfect. i realized after reading several books that i was looking for a book that i would write which, alas, i would have to write, so i got that one. it says nothing of an afterlife, which i thought was ok, because i don't believe in one. plus, if she wants to know about what other people believe, i can tell her when it comes up. it hasn't as yet. basically, it explains that everything has a "lifetime" that is, it's born, it lives, then it dies. trees, butterflies, and people. it explains that some deaths are caused by sudden injuries, some by illnesses, some by aging. it has some really illustrative, yet not graphic, pictures. then it explains the things we do to remember people and pets who pass to help us to feel better.
but yeah, nothing about funerals, souls, god or anything. i think any book that doesn't preach one belief system would have to avoid that topic entirely. so maybe go with one every specific one, then use it as a jumping off point to talk about others???
i think it's great that you're not waiting till someone he's close to dies to talk about this. it's a topic that sadly lots of parents avoid, then find themselves unprepared when they have to deal with it suddenly. i remember when my nephew's great grandmother ("my very best grandmother") died, he was told she went to heaven and heaven is in the sky. not being religious herself, my sister had no other (i'm going to use this term here because my brain is farting and i can't think of another one and i'll forget what i'm saying by the time i find a betetr word) lore to back up the whole heaven story. so i was at the beach with him once, he was 5. it was windy, partly cloudy. every time a cloud moved he looked up, looking for her. it broke my heart because he seemed so sad. then he said something like "i guess she doesn't want to see me." he explained that she was up there in her chair, just sitting around and would be there forever and ever. i looked at my mother and she thought it was CUTE! i was aghast. but hey, that's my beliefs talking, right?
good for you for doing this. i started talking to dd when she was about 3, when we found a dead squirrel in our yard and buried him.
"I've done a lot of things in my life I ain't too proud of, and the things I am proud of are disgusting." - Mo Szyslak
Quakers aren't too into the whole heaven/hell after-life thing (we even sing John Lennon's Imagine-it's in our songbook!). My belief is that when we die, our spirit goes to be with God and that any actions we may have done in life that were contrary to what we knew were right for us imprints itself on our spirit and our awareness of that keeps us from being as close to God as "heaven" would be. But that's just me. I tell my kids that one's spirit, or soul, goes to be with God. Oddly enough, my kids never asked too many questions about death. A couple of years ago, my husband's grandfather and then grandmother passed away, and although they were actively involved in being at their bedsides as they died, the boys didn't seem to be too curious about what would come next.
Anyway, here's a link to the Friends General Conference bookstore's website with a search on "death". There's a couple of books that may be what you're looking for listed for children: http://www.quakerbooks.org/xmlQbk/top.php
hmmmarylinda
If I had a dollar for every time I've said this to my kids! Since I myself do not have any answers, really, about religion, God, death, it is a bit tricky explaining it to my kids. I'll be watching this for recommendations.
How old is Mr. Dude?
My kids freak when they start lingering on the subject of death. I remember doing the same as a child.
Hey, the ads by Google on the right think they can help. lol
I remember reading to my kids the book The 10th Good Thing About Barney, but that is a very simple book about a child's cat who died. Not quite what you're looking for.
Maybe you could go to Amazon.com, put that title in, and browse related titles, reading the descriptions of other books?
i've read that one. it's good.
at the UU website, but it might be better as someone is dying or after rather than a general discussion of death and dying?
http://www.uua.org/bookstore/index.php?cPath=3_10&sort=3a&&page=4
but my DS and I were reading about how matter never goes away and how your atoms are always part of the universe and how, because we are 70% water, that part of us becomes vapor in the atmosphere. He thought that was cool as hell. We were giggling and exclaiming how we couldn't wait to die (joking of course!).
"An institution is the lenghtened shadow of one person." Crass
"An institution is the lenghtened shadow of one person." Crass
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