it's true what they say

Madame Filth's picture

when i had to take off a bunch of weight, it took forfucking ever, but it was essentially easy. among other reasons, i expected to be hungry. i accepted it and ate according to what my brain said i needed to eat, rather than what my gut said it wanted.

thanksgiving, i pretty much ignore my new eating habits and wouldn't ya know... a little of the weight back on. december is a world of shit, in a variety of ways, including never having the time or inclination to fix really good meals, always getting invited to gatherings with fingerfoods and beer/wine/beverages...

additionally, i don't feel like working out anymore. i stopped a while ago, i just couldn't keep it up. oh i still go to the gym but sometimes my knee hurts, and sometimes i'm tired.

this is fine... i think it's normal to slow down in winter. i wonder aloud what i will do -- will i just not exercise till mid march? will i do cardio only? will i beat myself up for what i know i probably should be doing but i don't wanna?

a while back i sat listening to a crazyman talk about food, and how "they" sneak all these horrible chemicals into it that make us all fat and lazy. it wasn't winter yet, i was feeling good, so i sat there thinking yeah whatever crazyman. he was saying how msg has a few different aliases, like autolyzed yeast extract, and other similar sodium compounds are what he called "excitotoxins" that trigger a hunger response, and these are used as preservatives and additives in just about all processed american foods, so this is why americans can't stop eating. we lose the ability to tell when we're full. yeah, i don't eat processed foods anymore. no more morningstar farms fake chicken, no more chips, no nachos... it's been quite a long time actually.

till december. festivities and laziness conspired to get those sodium compounds into me... and wouldn't you know i can't stop thinking about my next gnosh... i'm not one who's prone to cravings and here i am thinking -- rum! sour cream and onion! potato feta casserole! chinese!

must look into this excitotoxin nonsense that seemed so crazy at the time. but that does seem to be the only variable. the weather hasn't even been that cold.

i was gonna put up some assy comment on twitter looking forward to school/work starting up again so these mutherfuckers will get out from up my ass. jesus. first day being back alone in the house, having space to breathe and work on shit that i want to... also happens to be the first day of inCREDibly cold, and rockzo welcomes me with a daylong session of the plotzes. first in the living room at - yes at - mr filth's computer, then AT the wall through the side of his crate. so it comes to light that i will be unable to leave the house, in between running out in 20 degrees, bare feet at times, no coat, because i have to spring into action when i see that anus puckering. i'm hopping, trying not to feel my feet, taking the crate outside to hose it off, getting the ice cold water on me, reassuring rockzo he's not in trouble when he totally knows i'm full of shit... since i'm gonna have to be home anyway till this thing passes, i take the opportunity to tackle the 5 years of unfiled tax returns. the thing i've been avoiding for oh i don't know, about four and a half years.

i get a portion of it done.... and it's dark.

winter sucks.