How does everyone deal with others insistence that we gush and give glory to the fact that we have children? As mothers, we are never to complain, even once, about our children. We are supposed to love them and enjoy every temper tantrum and frustrating behavior because children are wonderful and we have unconditional love for them. That kind of love means never getting frustrated about our positions in life. No, no. That would be disrespectful.
For instance: my sweet, darling, loving daughter has been waking up at 6:30 every damned morning for the last two weeks. I've tried getting her to go back to sleep in her bed, in my bed, on the couch, everything. I've tried putting her to bed later. Nope. Even her naps are shorter. She's just not sleepy right now, I get it. But 6:30? Holy cow. Go the Fuck to Sleep! (See what I did there?)
I posted about it on my FB status. Mostly I was just trying to vent a tiny bit and be a little silly. I thought it was a funny update. "Dear Daughter: Unless you're going to change your own diaper, put on a pot of coffee, and leave me alone, stop waking up at 6:30am every morning. Love as always, Mom." Funny, right? I thought it was witty anyway, but whatever. My aunt didn't think it was funny and lectured me on how I'll appreciate those moments when I'm older, and how her kids woke her up, and how I need to enjoy my kid because they're so wonderful.
I'm sorry, but I don't enjoy my kids at 6:30 in the morning, and I don't think that means I don't love them. I hate this even more because she's a relative of my bio-mom. You know, the one who ditched me and my brother 30 years ago? So coming from her, it's like she thinks I'm going to ditch my kids or something. I know that's what they all think, that I'll be just like her, snap, and run away from my family one day.
Am I the only one that has to deal with this? I want to reply angrily, but I know I should reply politely because surely she didn't mean it the way it sounded. Probably the best thing would be not to reply at all. But I'm a good mom, a GREAT mom even, and I think I'm allowed to not want to be woken up in the wee hours.
Yes, yes, and more yes.
When I was a young mother this kind of thing was even more acute because any hint that I was frustrated or distressed made people jump to conclusions about my competence. Like you, I just did not see why my past (or age) had anything to do with it. Toddlers can be very annoying!
You also describe one of the fundamental reasons why I hate facebook. While it is sometimes nice to chat with people, I do not want or need to have all of my childhood neighbours and acquaintances praying at me or doling out advice. I left home on purpose! I don't go over to their facebook walls and drop tips about how they should live! I could, and I'm often tempted, but I resist!
And I agree, your comment is funny.
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I appreciate facebook. It's gotten me in touch with some long lost family, and I've made friends that I may not have had other wise. Thanks to facebook I've found a job, a last minute babysitter, and someone to come over and help me out when I was really sick.
BUT I HATE facebook because you never know who is going to take the smallest, most insignificant comment and make it more dramatic than it needs to be. That status was meant to be ironic, and it was meant to make funny out of what wasn't really funny. I felt less annoyed after I wrote it, and usually I'd get other mom friends to commiserate. How was I supposed to know my bio mom's sister would use it to tell me how to be a good mom?
I'm gonna keep my facebook, of course. But I don't think I'm going to post on it anymore.
"Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth." -Buddha
Yep. Exactly!
I think facebook is a useful tool. I like having a window on what my childhood friends are doing. But I dislike having to think about whether a stray comment will hurt someone I last met in 1985. I haven't worried about such things in decades, and I don't like having these concerns forced on me now. I mean really. I wrote a memoir about my horrible hometown, wasn't that sufficient to indicate my feelings? Apparently not!
For every amazing connection (and I am hugely thankful to have found a couple of people) there are a dozen unpleasant social encounters.
So I'll keep it, but gnash my teeth ....
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Is that Lessons in Taxidermy? It's next on my list!
"Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth." -Buddha
Yep. And the villains in the book are definitely not my Facebook friends!
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I told a group of SAHM's that I hated staying home and wanted a job, and they all looked at me like I was stark-raving MAD! I can't help how I feel. Hating staying home doesn't mean I hate my kids. It just means I hate housework, lack of adults, lack of support, the feeling that I'm not actually part of the real world, and Barney.
Some people love being a stay at home mom. I think that's wonderful. I am not one of those people. I STILL LOVE MY CHILDREN!
"Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth." -Buddha
dude being a SAHM is ridiculous. I'll spare you my own rants. I tell everyone this, my psychiatrist told me, after I was talking about my avoidance & anxiety issues that it's "not normal to spend so much time with young children" & I'd be wise to find a part time job. *snicker* so at least some people get it. I think the people who judge are liars.
It's my preferred job at the moment (SAHM) but for a multitude of complex reasons, not because my babies are golden cherubs
I hate how the dissing goes on both sides, you really can't win. I've heard working moms shitting on stay at home moms "yeah, she's got nothing better to do" and stay at home moms dissing on working moms "why did she even want to have children". Actually, here, the thing to do is demonize your own children. One of the first things a mom will say to you after how's it going will be something terrible about her kid. Or if her kid touches your kid she'll say something like "sorry about that, insert child's name is a little beast". Even when their kids are old enough to understand exactly what they're saying. I hate that, and i catch myself doing it too. I mean toddlers are don't barf unicorns and shit flowers, but they're not despicable little monsters either.
I mean why can't moms just respect that all moms have it rough? There's no ONE answer foreverybody about anything. And raising kids is the most burdenous blessing with a capital b on both words.
Tigerfish Mama
Oh, gawd, I hate that too. The dissing, I mean. I've been both working and a sahm. Both suck in their own ways, and really it's a matter of either situation or preference. I used to think I wanted to stay home, but now that I'm home, I hate it. But let me tell you, working moms love their kids just as much as stay at home moms do. Also, stay at home moms have more than plenty to do to keep themselves busy. So whatever. If haters want to complain, let them complain. Life is hard, it's even harder with kids. So we just do what we do to make it through, kwim?
"Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth." -Buddha
Sometimes I think Parenthood is this mass marketed thing that the reality is well... not marketed. I mean come on I was 29 when I had my kid, but I had never changed a diaper either... I wasn't one of those girls that DREAMED of having kids, it just.. happened. I found myself in a years time going from the single life , in a downtown loft to being a singlemother in a house alone with a colicy kid. I litterally came home post c secion and the first night me and the baby just CRIED.....
I had NO HELP. I had post partum BAD and NO ONE, NO ONE told me how having a baby REALLY WAS..... I litterally felt like I was thrown in a lion pit and it was learn or die. It wasn't easy and when I'd say something about it to my mother she would act like when she had two kids they had never been anything but perfect.
I feel like you should be thankfull for your children, love them, care for them, but ....... I also feel people should tell the truth. HELL I'm surpirzed the human species didn't die out. I mean people with 20 kids, BOGGLES my mind. I know my great great grandparents did it, but I have ONE and its MORE than a job.
I love reading other mothers stuggles, it makes me feel Not so alone.
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