Lost my temper -- update
Teen Parent asked for a ride to the grocery store to get a few things for Pup Daddy's birthday, which is tomorrow. While we were there, I decided to get a bucket of his favorite cookies, which I planned to decorate with ribbon and give to him when he wakes up tomorrow.
I put the cookies on the counter and went to get the ribbon. When I returned, High Schooler had opened the bucket and was chowing down on the cookies.
Now, if I normally bought cookies, it would be expected, but I NEVER buy cookies, I mean, NEVER. And we have a rule in my house which she continually breaks: if you see an unopened package of anything that you did not buy, ASK before opening. Normally, this is just to make sure that there isn't already one open...with teen blindness rampant in this house, I grow tired of finding three open jars of spaghetti sauce in the fridge or two of the same chips wilting away in the pantry.
Anyway, I started shouting--I mean LOUD shouting that I'd had enough of her rule breaking and total lack of consideration. "You ruined my gift!" I was screaming. "Ask! Ask! You know I never buy this! It was a surprise for Pup Daddy's birthday! Had you ASKED like you are supposed to do, this could have been avoided!"
"I didn't know..." she started.
"You would have known if you hadn't decided to just grab what wasn't yours!" I snapped.
I just don't know how much longer I can do the single parent thing with such uncooperative people to parent. Her lack of impulse control is driving me nuts. Nuts. I literally can't turn my back for a fucking second.
UPDATE: I told her that I was sorry for losing my temper, but not sorry for my message; quit taking stuff that is not yours. I was able to put the seal back together and put the ribbon over it, so Pup Daddy got his cookies. I doubt that he noticed that the label said "24 large cookies", but the bucket contained a scant 19.
Glamorous
Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. ~Austin O'Malley
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teenagers are inconsiderate. they don't know/see/understand the big picture, and they don't think before acting. when stuff is there, that means it's available, because that's how it's always been your whole life. now suddenly you have to show adult thought in your everyday actions. fuck, the college students i share a building with don't get it. they still think everyone in the world is obligated to speak to them, listen to them, generally tolerate them and their moods are paramount over anything else going on in anyone else's life. because they don't grasp that other people are dealing with real shit like poverty and chronic medical conditions and what the fuck ever else, because they're not and that's their whole world.
anyway, it drives me batshit to say the same shit over and over, and i find myself asking well don't you CARE about the people you live with? how would you feel if it was yours, and i took it and sat there shrugging about it? but it's ok for you to make me feel that way, right? but you know, that's how they learn consideration. seeing how it upsets people to be callous and douchey. you really ought to lose your temper every so often, it's good for them.
1. Her mama is human.
2. When you stuff up out of thoughtlessness, it can be more than one person who is affected (cos I bet she feels pretty bad that she started eating his birthday present).
You can always apologise if you think that something about the way you reacted, or what you said, was a bit much (and she'll get lesson #3, which is a bit like lesson #1, that her mama is human, and also that when you mess up you can own it without losing face). Saying sorry isn't going to excuse her behaviour if you put it like that - it's an apology for a response, not for the selfish act that triggered it in the first place.
Or you could just set Pup Daddy onto her (I'd take bite-size chunks out of anyone who ate my favourite cookies....)
Your posts regularly inspire me in single parent-hood. This one is no different.
~c
PS Maybe you need to strike. Where's a Mothers' Union when you need one. Personally, I'm all for organising a toddler-sit-in at my local welfare office to help emphasise the message that working from home isn't necessarily an 'easier' option for mothers and shouldn't be used as an excuse to cut childcare allowances.
oh fuck,
what do they say? it takes 2000 times before shit sinks in?
"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
it kind of worked out okay. Good save!
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