not sure why this makes me the bad guy
Got paperwork from the Child Support Fuckups today. There's a court date set in October. I'm assuming this is to change the support order, since L-Dawg is all of 18, and (yeh right) an "adult", so the FAX won't have to (not)pay monthly support for her. But I have to call them to find out. Yes, it's Saturday. Yes, Labor Day is Monday, so I can't call until Tuesday, and EVERYONE will be calling on Tuesday, so, I won't even bother to call until Thursday afternoon. 2:30.
Anyway, I guess I have to show proof of income, or something like that, and I assume that the FAX would have to show up and do the same. He won't show, of course. BUT, I am concerned that the courts will decided that, since he hasn't filed any taxes (at least, not with his own SSN) in 5 years, he won't have any financial liability. Not that he has paid child support in 5 years.
I also think that they are going to expect me to give them info about his whereabouts. I don't know where he is. He never calls or writes or visits.
However, I know that a neighbor of mine is a PI, and I just happened to run into her husband at the witchcraft supply store today (before I got the paperwork). And T-Dizzle is friends with their daughter.
So, I asked T-Dizzle for the daughter's phone number, so I can ask the PI mom to see if she can find the FAX.
T-Dizzle acted like I was hurting her dad by looking for him. Like I'm the bad guy. I'm the one who has to show up for court. I'm the one who is owed $100,000 in back child support. I'm the one who works and buys food and pays for the fucking cell phone where her friend's number is stored, for fuck's sake.
"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
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sounds like we were married to the same prick.
You are not the bad guy, by any means.
I'm not sure why daughter does not want you to find the one who has left her to starve, but please, please remind yourself that she is a teen and much of what they want/do/believe does not make a bit of sense.
Ask her why it upsets her that you want him to pay his share of what it costs to keep a roof over her head and food in her belly and a phone in her pocket. Ask her why she thinks he should be allowed to refuse.
It may be some teen-embarassment thing like she doesn't care that you're looking for him, but she doesn't want her friend to possibly know about the ugly battle, or that you're strapped for cash, either of which could leak if your PI contact is a parent of a friend of hers.
I remember being mortified because my doctor's daughter attended the same school that I did. I felt exposed, as though this girl would know of every embarrassing detail of every visit. Makes no sense now, but it did then.
You are doing the right thing. And you are the good guy, the one who is there, paying for her *^%(& cell phone.
Glamorous
Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. ~Austin O'Malley
that sucks. i remember very well coming of age and realizing how shitty it was that my father didn't pay up, and learning precisely how much he owed, and gleaned from the paperwork the lengths he went to, to avoid taking care of his kids. i found it sickening. and upsetting. and i didn't talk to my mom for a while because i was sure that she could have done something differently to get us what we needed so we wouldn't have to go without so much. like glam says, we're dumb at that age.
I remember being angry with my mother about the lack of money after my parents divorced. I felt that she should have planned better, and not left her marriage without first securing some decent job skills.
It still bothers me. Maybe that's just the way it is.
i don't know how old T-Dizzle is (but she's younger than your 18 year old L-Dawg, hey?) but maybe she just, for whatever reason, needs to believe that her dad isn't the total asshat he seems to be. That her dad isn't a total asshat means searching for some other explanation...it's not got far to go before the finger points at you. Who knows. I think the other posters are onto it - maybe it's worth trying to work out what's going on rather than taking her reaction on board.
And is there some way of getting the info you need without involving her? If this PI is your neighbour, can't you go to her direct? Or her husband next time you bump into him? Sounds like it's just not a safe expectation that you can involve T-Dizzle in anything around her dad. At least not right now.
But don't mistake that for you being the bad guy! Maybe you're the safe mama who all that shit can get loaded on, cos hell her dad isn't around for her to aim it at.
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