Had a feeling this would happen.

Birdie
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Last seen: 3 days 9 hours ago
Joined: 02/26/2006

Shared some of my personal life, what I've had to process with a friend/lover of mine.

He responded by telling me that he thought I needed therapy before I could have a serious relationship. I told him I was in therapy. He is only into fwb and had been hinting that he might want more with me at some point, but I think the whole me having a kid was maybe a little too much for his brain. Nice cop out. Way to be a "friend". I never asked for a serious relationship, now I suddenly feel as though I have been preemptively rejected before we even got there. I'm ignoring him from now on- I resolve to do this- we had been communicating daily- now, I'm through. I don't like his mindset. He's even saying that I'm pushing him away now, that it's all me. I'm not a mindreader, but I don't have a good feeling about this. It kind of feels like "oh, I care for you, you're beautiful, I want u to heal, ur sexy, but wait! in our society today it would be socially acceptable for me to say that you need time and help to heal, thus removing me from any expectations of ever being a real presence in your life" Way to forever be "the good guy"- sleep with chicks, tell them to open up to u and then use what they tell u to say "I don't think you're ready for a real relationship". What does he think, I'm 12?!? I've seen this tactic before. Well good luck to him. I should turn the tables on him if I get a chance- the minute he tells me anything, wait a few days and then tell him how I'm concerned, that I think he needs to wait before sleeping with chicks who aren't even 21, maybe get some therapy...... Asshat.

Madame Filth's picture
Madame Filth
lies, lies, all lies!
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Joined: 08/14/2006
fuck him

just what are the prerequisites anyway? since when do we have to be prepared for a relationship? well thanks to him for letting you off the hook before trying to get real with a child.

Glamorous
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Joined: 12/28/2009
Never understood the 'prepared' part

I think it's code for 'you won't be nice about it when I screw you over in one way or another'.

Who is ever prepared for anything?

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Glamorous

Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. ~Austin O'Malley

Birdie
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Joined: 02/26/2006
I was preparing for a sexy trip, dammit.

I've been abstaining more this summer than I have for years and years AND YEARS now. I'm kind of going crazy. Being with myself just makes it worse, so I don't even go there. Having a beautiful summer, a very ready body, and a little time on my hands but no decent solutions to the problem is making me want to jump out of my skin. That's what happens when u raise the bar sometimes. I just have to hold! Out! A little! Longer! AHHH!

denessasma
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Joined: 12/28/2005
you're better off mama.i aint

you're better off mama.i aint even tryin to be serious with anyone im sleepin with the guys an leavin them right now!!! Wink

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Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss

Birdie
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Joined: 02/26/2006
I love ur Dr. Seuss quote!

I feel so much better now. I was actually starting to feel like I had to censor myself when it came to him. I found myself being more worried about how he was reacting to me than to my own feelings. More worried about his emotions than mine. And that's never good.

Birdie
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Joined: 02/26/2006
Well....

He just apologized and said it was never his intention to upset me. The last time I was mad at him I didn't speak to him for 8 months, lol.
Anyhow.
I guess we're still friends. It felt really good to write what I did this morning and prepare to walk away from it. Neither of us are into monogamy at present anyways- it was the "serious relationship" bit that had me mad. He's still an asshat. I guess I'll tolerate him a bit longer though, as long as he's into apologies now. Last apology took 8 months and was like "Life's too short for you to be mad at me any longer- see the error of your ways for being mad at me and forgive me already, dammit!" HMPH. ASSHAT.

Madame Filth's picture
Madame Filth
lies, lies, all lies!
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Joined: 08/14/2006
those apologies are my favorite

"i'm sorry the dickish thing i said upset you. that wasn't my intention.

pffft. i'd kill the benefits in that friendship after that patronizing "you're not ready" bullshit. and maybe even kill the friendship too.

Glamorous
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Joined: 12/28/2009
Pulll-eze.

Lose this shithead, Girl.

He has clearly set the stage to call all of the shots, take what he wants, insist he owes you nothing, and blame it on you because 'you're not ready'.

I've met several incarnations of this particular brand of anus.

Life's too short for you to waste one minute on the unworthy. If the tables were turned, you can bet your bottom dollar you'd be leaving voicemails into a black hole.

Time for the old disappearing act.

Good luck.

Birdie
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Joined: 02/26/2006
Thanks Glam.

I'm just kinda sad. I'm sweet. Why does he need to be a shithead? You know? We had some great chemistry. And he makes me laugh, whenever he isn't insulting my sense of dignity. Sad

Glamorous
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Joined: 12/28/2009
You're welcome, Birdie.

Think of him as refined white sugar. Tempting. Delicious. Makes you feel soooo good. Ahhhh.

It's so satisfying that it's easy to ignore how it systematically wears out every system of your body and makes your entire life more complicated.

Smile at how much you enjoyed him, and run for your life. Smile

Hope you feel better soon.

turtle's picture
turtle
gonna plant a tree, filled with hope for apples next year!
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Joined: 02/06/2008
total asshat

he must have some redeeming qualities if you are willing to still be friends...or you are better person than i am. cos yeah, that's pretty asshat-y.

__________________

Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. -- Emily Dickinson

You want to do what you think is right and what matters to you, and if other people don't like it, as my father would have said, they can go fuck themselves. -- Amy Bloom

Birdie
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Joined: 02/26/2006
He does have a few redeeming qualities

But they may not be enough. It felt like an old fashioned war of the sexes, which appealed to me in an old movie kind of way- like some Howard Hawks flick- but hey. HEY! There's play and then there's true dickishness. And I'm not into games that hurt in reality.

shadeshaman's picture
shadeshaman
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Joined: 01/13/2004
Sounds like HE's the one who

Sounds like HE's the one who needs therapy. I fucking hate when guys do this--project their shit onto women.
He rejects you--nay judges you--and you react by protecting yourself and taking a breather and now you're "pushing" him away?

He sounds like a cockadoodledouchebag.

__________________

"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Madame Filth's picture
Madame Filth
lies, lies, all lies!
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Joined: 08/14/2006
BWAHA

HA HA HA!

Birdie
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Joined: 02/26/2006
Thanks Shades!

Big smile

U guys made my week.

turtle's picture
turtle
gonna plant a tree, filled with hope for apples next year!
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Joined: 02/06/2008
cockadoodledouchebag

...is the best word I've learned at hipmama since asshat.

Birdie
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Joined: 02/26/2006
I feel confused, which is not a good place to be.

Being confused makes you easy prey.

To clarify....

He has never met my kid. Ever. So kid is not involved. But he isn't into kids.

He says he's looking for love. He as relations with more than one woman going, from age 20-40. He is safe and fun to be with, but hard to take in many ways. He lives far, far away, but visits from time to time.

He's a huge dork. Which is part of his attractiveness to women.

He writes and says offensive things frequently. It's kind of his style. Yet, he is truly a dick at times. I usually think I can follow whether or not he's being mean or just whatever the hell he is, but I can't always. He professes to have good intentions, then alludes to being evil. He gets u to keep your guard up, then u let it down, then u put it up, then u let it down....maybe until u are too tired to put it up again? And he has you. I'd say he seems potentially abusive in his mindset but he's never jealous & not into monogamy. He's kind of the reverse of possessive- but he hates to hear things about u and other men?!? Right?!? He always has that just out of reach thing going- which I immediately recognized when I met him and so I did it to him- I was always out of reach for 7 years, as friends.

I feel like he finally got to me- yet it was me who kissed him. Sad Which is very unlike me. I get all sweet, and then I think DICK. He's a dick. And honestly I don't even really know why we are friends. The years I suppose. His sense of humor is wonderful. It's perhaps his one redeeming quality, besides his kisses, etc. I'm thinking with my sexy parts here and it's not helping me.

I'm glad to get some emotional distance now though. I was letting my imagination go a little wild. He can kiss my ass for a while. It's better that way. And if he can't, he can fuck off.

I honestly think that I should maybe just ditch the friendship like I did before.

Then I think- well, I do tend to run off on people. If things don't work out naturally at this point in my life, I just disappear. I have no interest in getting sucked into something that I have to work to understand. I am no longer prey. Danger, even emotional danger- has no appeal for me. So what the hell am I doing? Am I confusing emotional danger with love????

Madame Filth's picture
Madame Filth
lies, lies, all lies!
Offline
Joined: 08/14/2006
nope.

you're getting jerked around. i'm sorry to say it, but this guy seems pretty typical to me. vague and obtuse about what the relationship is, "not into monogamy" when it comes to him but when it comes to you he doesn't want to hear about it, says dickish shit then says he's sorry if it "upset" you.

yawn.

you're confusing asshole with complex.

Birdie
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Joined: 02/26/2006
Hehehehe....

Smile

I think you're right. I mean, I know you're right. Wink

Big smile

Thanks Filth! Party Party Party

Birdie
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Joined: 02/26/2006
!

Party

motormouth's picture
motormouth
happy freakin' new year
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Joined: 02/06/2008
cockadoodledouchebag!!!

Totally made my month with that one!
eta
sorry meant to make this a reply to shadeshaman's comment- totally not saying that it makes my month that your on the recieving end of his shipoopy.

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Tigerfish Mama

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