shit
Does anyone know anything about HPV? I kind of put it to the back of my mind that my new fella said that he had had it in the past and presumed that his sexual health screen would flag it up if it was a problem still HOWEVER this apparently is not true, it can be latent for the rest of your life and still be infective and not show up on a test. SHIT, shit, shit even condoms are not effective.
It unlikely that I would get active infection but what I could get is a nasty cervical cancer causing strain. There is a vaccine against the cancer causing stuff which I guess I gotta get but it takes 6 months to complete the course!!! There is a part of me that thinks fuck it you've been sexually active you've probably aready been exposed and are maybe immune BUT i have been so lucky, i've never had any symptoms of anything or tested positive for anything and all my PAP smears have been perfect. I can't knowingly put myself at risk when I was so irresponsible for so long and came out lucky.
I just called and told him, we are going to talk properly later. I know there is a ton of stuff that we CAN do without penetrative sex but its hard, literally and figuratively. I guess I won't be having sex on Thursday ! The Gods hate hubris!!!
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There's no screening test for HPV in men, so if he "knows" he has it then he must have either had warts, or be assuming that because a partner of his had HPV it means he does too, which isn't necessarily the case. How is he so sure that he has HPV??
You said "I can't knowingly put myself at risk when I was so irresponsible for so long and came out lucky." Here's my rather blunt take: EVERY time we have sex with someone we're taking a risk. Since there's no way to screen men for HPV we have no way of knowing whether a man has had contact with it or is/has been infected, and unless we choose abstinence *forever* there's zero way to avoid risking exposure. Unless celibacy is an option for you, the best thing you can do is use condoms to reduce the chances of contracting a cancer-causing strain of HPV, and be vigilant about your paps. Most of the time a healthy immune system will kick the virus' ass eventually, so staying healthy overall is the best way to prevent high risk HPV.
I've had three experiences with HPV: warts a few years ago (got em burnt off, they never came back), and two "bad" paps-- one when I was twenty, one a year ago. Both times I followed up with colposcopies and biopsies and both times was found to have low-grade pre-cancerous changes and had bi-annual paps to watch for further changes. I had an HPV subtyping test with the latest bad pap (because there are over a hundred different strains and some of them are harmless and some are risky) and found out I have a high-risk strain, but I don't think it's a big deal. I make sure I'm responsible with my paps and followup biopsies and life goes on, kwim? I'm proud of you for taking so much pride in respecting your body and keeping it healthy, but like I said: unfortunately the only real way to be 100% effective at avoiding HPV is to never ever ever get naked with another person.
that thursday date!
yes - the miss is right - almost everyone has been exposed to this or has had a strain of it already at some point in their sexual life/past *you already know this* and my info came straight from some ladies mouth at planned parenthood 2 - 2 1/2 years ago.
me? i dated a man on an off for 8 months who a few years prior to meeting him, had it, *as well as his current girlfriend at the time!* SCANDALOUS, i know.
what i discovered was that neither were likely to be "actively contagious* and as a precaution, i had one shot done and followed up with the second, never received the third.
was i scared? yes, because my vagina is clean, sparkly and i've had it dipped in 24 k gold! EVERYDAY! and i too, take my crotch seriously, i have alot of years of fucking ahead of me and i want to live a long, healthy, clean life, no man or dick is worth tainting my shit! i mean it.....
prior to barney rubble - i hadn't had sex with anyone other than my ex-husband in 14 years *tricks might count, but who's looking!* and even then, i always used a condom.....
i've had sex with 100's of people counting tricks, *only a handful of real men in my life, 5 total....*...etc.
*this statement will need to be removed prior to me applying for ANY film grant or signing of a contract with a major!*. ha!
i've been super careful and always come up squeaky clean.
i had sex with him anyways, not a great idea, mostly because he was risky biz all around, and i wouldn't do it again...
your man is another species all together - i can only say that he's good hearted and really loves you. i also suspect that you'll be fine by doing it with a condom, i would wait until you've had all the shots, before jumping in free willy style, and honestly, you might never want too or feel comfortable enough to do it raw dog with him, knowing he's had hpv, even though it was a long time ago.....
3 things that i appreciate about this post:
1. you posted it!
2. you're being totally open and honest here!
3. you have options, don't give up, it's been 2 years since i've had sex, maybe longer now (another thing that hollywood can't find out! ha!).
it's been even longer for you - don't wait anymore, just do it! BUT, trust your gut, before information: medical, personal and otherwise, okay?
bonus material - consider that your man is also much older - meaning: of course he's been around the block, he's experienced a few more things, and without sounding crazy here i go: his penis is older too! that is nuts, i know, but i would expect that in the past, he may have "double dipped" for lack of a better word, he's see his share of shit, you know. BUT, he's not there anymore, he's living a different life now. i would still have sex with him is what i'm trying to say!
i'll shut up now!
love and i hope this was somewhat helpful - because i truly have only the best intentions towards you always!
your friend - CX
ha! your humor is still intact and thriving in spite of this MINOR glitch - and girl i mean minor: in a positive way!
YES - you guys are doing great! are you kidding me?! you've planned this out to a T - there is nothing more to really talk about, it just boils down to what you feel comfortable with. and what you can live with, without or without consequences, right?
have fun, keep planning and keep your wits in tact girl, this set back with or without a condom, is not going to make or break your relationship, you and your man is way too cool for this to let this stop you.....your on a love mission from the stars, remember!
i am especially hopeful and full of gratitude and excitement for you because this man is worthy of being inside you "balls out", how righteous is that? i think it's great that you've found the right man at the right time.
i'm telling you, your instincts are what you have left to go with in this situation....there is nothing left.
p.s. please disregard all the safe sex stuff that you've told your daughter, i swear it doesn't apply to this situation, whatever dogs you lied down with, aren't hers, and so and so on...does that make sense?
your advice to her is solid and applies to her future sex life with men/boys - BUT you?! you're a grown assed lady who wants to have fun and IS BEING RESPONSIBLE.
love = CX
i always thought condoms were effective, but i've never had hpv so take what i say with a grain of salt. i will remind you, however, that's he's doing the right thing by telling you ahead of time and letting you make an educated decision, which is very cool.
Had a bad pap and + HPV test last year and was informed that HPV is spread skin-to-skin rather than through bodily fluids, so condoms are, of course, only "safer" sex.
Yes, men can't really be tested unless they have warts, so you might want to get clarification with your man friend. He might not even know! There are many strains, and when you get tested, they usually only test for the most common ones. And the strains that cause warts are not necessarily the ones that cause cancer. Go figure.
But, don't freak out. Even with my bad pap, and the proposed LEEP (which I did NOT opt for), the western med people said that sometimes people spontaneously recover. Meaning, the human body heals in ways that western meds don't understand. Duh.
"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
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Hi Mis pheonix, thanks for your feedback, he did have warts and I totally get what you mean; I probably,, no definietly have been exposed to this at some point but I guess the thing is I didn't know whereas now I am doing so knowingly. We've spoken about it a lot and have decided to postpone Thusday and meet face to face and talk it out, weigh up our protection options. Thank you so much for your honesty, its really helped.