errraggghhhhh!terrible twos (???) and food food food (long, but please help and shed some light!! I'm desperate!)

Where has my sweet little boy gone?
I am feeling like Bear hit two and a switch flipped or something.
I hate using the term "terrible twos"..but he turned two and has been a holy terror ever since. No...that is unfair. But he is suddenly suuuuper whiny, throws tantrums and won't do one goddamned thing I ask him too! Yeah,okay, he's a kid thats what they do...hell, I still do that sometimes..but it started almost literally the DAY he turned two.
He is really a pretty sweet boy...friendly, loves to read and play, go outside..but sometimes it is OVERWHELMING when he starts acting up.

Bed time now, unless he falls asleep nursing (which is rare these days) consists of this routine:

He

screams bloody blue murder while I brush his teeth(more abouthis teeth in another post),then has milk.

Once he's done milk he takes his bottle of water to bed.If he wants, we'll read a book. He still sleeps with me at this point and I always have laid with him until he is asleep.

Then the screaming starts. No real reason, just starts screaming(he goes to bed around 9ish, i would prefer it earlier, but bedtime theatrics just go on for longer the earlier he goes, unless he hasnt napped)

He wants me to hold the waterbottle aforhimto drink,then hewon't drink, but if i put it down he screams for more water, then won't drink..and so on until I get fed up with that game and stop holding the waterbottle, at which point he screams louder.

He wants blankets,thenkicks themoff, then wants me to pull them back up, then kicks them off, then wants them back up, kicks them off, etc., until I get tired of that one, warn him that if he kicks them off again, I won't pull them back up..to which his answer is to kick them off and scream louder while grabbing the blanket trying to shove it into my hand or whack me in the face with it.

Then he hasto pee. He's potty trained now,but sleeps in a diaper. So we get up to go pee, and he spends 10 minutes in the bathroom standing by the toilet but never peeing.He screams when i take him back to bed. Then he says he has to go poo. He'll sit on the toilet foras long as i can tolerate it (because usually I am pretty peeved by this time), then screams when i take him back to bed.

Then he decides he's hungry. I always offer him a pre-bed snack, which he always refuses, so usually i don't go along with this one. Screaming continues.

Those things all cycle, like he does one for a bit, tries another,then another and so on until he tuckers himself out and falls asleep.I can't stand it. Not only is it incredibly annoying to try and deal patiently with, but it makes me sooooooooooooooo sad. SO sad. I hate watching him go through that. I feel like I should be able to fix it,but nothing i try to help him with is what he wants.

Then we come to food. He's hardly eating anything at all lately. I refuse to allow him to eat only oatmeal all day. Example: he woke up this morning asking for oatmeal, then came downstairs and did not want it. He ate half of a banana with peanut butter, then shared in my chocolate spirulina pudding thing I was eating. then he ate about 3 chickpeas and afew blueberries and raspberries. Thats it...its after 1, and he's been up since 7:30 this morning. He's in a crrrrap mood, only wants to havemilk and screams when I won't let him have it (he went down to nursing three times a day in February and was fine with it until his birthday...). He won't eat anything else. Everything i offer either gets yelled at or tossed on the floor.

I've got the pediatrician riding my ass saying he's too small..although he's healthy as a horse, has a ton of energy and is very smart and developing at a rate beyond what the pediatricians papers say a two year old would normally be. but he isn't gaining weight..hasn't in a while. He's static at about 23 pounds, even though he gets taller and his head is "where it should be on the charts".

Vegan Mama here already started allowing him eggs(organic free range ones from a nearby farm..and he only eats them in egg form, not in things, and definately no processed food still), and has now, at the request of the pediatrician, who is superb at making me feel like i'm purposely trying to quell my childs growth, goats milk (again, organic from a self sustaining free range goat farm in the area pastuerized at the lowest possible standards to be able to sell..if i am going to feed my kid dairy which i am soooooo against, it is going to be high quality.). Goats milk is apparently not a sufficiant subsitute when he wants mamamilk, not even when i offer to snuggle him up with his cup.

I have never been worried about his size. I'm 5'4 and weigh 107 lbs, his biodad was 5'5 and weighed in at a scrawny 130 for a man. So he's small, it doesn't bother me. but Ye olde Exbeast is taking me back to court trying to say i don't feed him properly. And even though i am incredibly well educated when it comes to nutrition, and started him on the eggs of my own deliberation for sufficient choline intake since we avoid soy, i took him to the Doctor in Ye Olde 3d Worlde who is going off about him being slightly below his growth chart. Which is abit of a pain in the ass becaus enow i'm paranoid, even though he is perfectly healthy.

But now the kid is too busy to even eat,and pretty much refuses anything that is not oatmeal, blueberries, raspberries, dried figs, water,green vegetable juice or the unsweetened carob chips he spazzes out that I won't give him. No wonder he's in such a bad mood,he's got to be starving...

urgh.

anyways...thoughts, advice,ideas would be greatly appreciated on all the things i've written here..please..before my head explodes