What a day!

Great stuff

~ Somehow pulled off A's and B's this semester even though we were moving, dealing with lots of stuff. I was convinced that I had failed a course. Wept, moved on....found out that I got a B! Unless there is some mistake.

~ Very glad to learn that an old friend of mine I hadn't heard from in a while has just been busy and isn't upset with me for some unknown reason- I was really sad about it. Now I'm relieved.

~ My son. As much as he has been a handful lately being 4 1/2 & dealing with all of the transitions, I have had some of those wonderful moments lately when you just love your child so much your heart feels freaking huge and you catch your breath in amazement that you somehow helped bring such a being into the world. Goddamn, he's sweet and precocious. I just want to smoosh him with kisses right now (but I'd wake him up). April was a rough month for us. I am so proud to be his mom.

~ Spock likes me. I can tell.

Not So Great Things

~ Spock can't visit in June like he thought he would be able to. I won't see him until Sept. We have a million things planned for Sept. (which all involve, um, intimacy). Which means I'm going to have to find someone else who is sweet and sexy and above all quick and hilarious to satiate me until then. And I don't want to. I'm not willing to go for just sex at this point. Which sucks. And I refuse to date. I DON'T DATE. It's not me. I think it's great if other people date. It's just not what I do. And I don't want to find anyone else. I'm tired. And I just like Spock (Spock is my nickname for him). It was stupid of me to let this happen. I guess I'll just have to suck it up and move on with higher standards for partners that I can feel close to but not date. Which is all very confusing for everyone involved. And after he visits in Sept., he's going straight back to Vulcan or the starship Enterprise. So really, I should pretty much forget about him. He's almost an excuse to not allow myself to like anyone here- anyone it's possible to be with in reality. This is becoming a pattern for me. I just can't take the risk of something too real.

Actually life is pretty darn good right now. And maybe it's better that he can't come, because otherwise I'd have a chance to get more attached to him, and it already hurts enough that I'm not going to see him for forever. Something changed in me when we were together. Something in my heart that has been shut for a really really long time opened up again. So now, at least, I cannot get sucked into the liking-someone-a-whole-lot-vortex.

I'm going to ignore him for a while. And go swimming with my kid, and pick strawberries, start up my internship again, and get some sleep! 'Night ya'll!