It s ok to be too tired to move!
Oh my sweet lord in heaven I am one tired woman. This semester I just finished a poster and a report (Thank God), completed an experiment, entered an essay competition, filed a tax return, participated in several journal clubs, went to all my lectures, kept house, cooked, did more washing and ironing than is probably healthy, tutored the babe (doubled score in math, first passing grade in geography, progress in science), ran her to and from dance class, she did a ballet and drama exam and a drama festival, found new child care and I did a lot of exercise. I finished yesterday and I had intended to clean today but I was just too tired to move, I did some aerobics and toning stuff, watched UP and ate a lot of crisps and a cream cake; that is my right and privilege and I intend to exercise it! DC has inspire me to get grateful cause I felt a little blue so;
- Lost and True blood is on and I have half an Easter egg to eat in front of them.
-After my poster presentation yesterday i went to see the blindside, I liked it, i cried, I don't know if that was tiredness or that I was moved. It did make me think of my own situation and where the babe would be without her support system, her Mum actually called strung out this morning. It made me feel grateful for her and sad for all the kids with great gifts inside em, i.e. every kid! who don't have anyone to root for them or draw it out or even notice it. It made me think again about fostering teenagers when I retire which is something my brain puts out their periodically.
-Tracey anderson dance aerobics video is kicking and shrinking my ass, it works best if you pretend that you're auditioning for the conservatoire a la flashdance every time you do it!
-shelter, clean water, clothing, food, peace, political stability, democracy as flawed as it is, the notion of equality as often as it gets trodden on.
-health
-the babe making good friends at school, she has been to a sleepover and has been invited to a bunch of parties and her form teacher has asked her to take a new girl that will be starting after Easter under her wing, its nice to know she can be trusted with that assignment, the school secretary also pulled me aside when I went to drop some stuff off to tell me she is a lovely, polite, respectful child.
-a week off
- student loan payment coming
- oxygen
- and I get to do it ALL again tomorrow!
love and squalor
meds
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it's high time to unwind, relax and party when you're juiced up again!
right on sista for all you've done this semester, i know the poster and report were top notch! the compliments that you get on your daughter are both true and heartfelt! seriously, take them into your heart and acknowledge the greatness that you've given to her, everyday that you've been her mom!
as for your sister calling strung up, when do i officially get to punch her in the face?! i say this as your friend, and mostly because you can't be the one to do it! i hope we're good enough friends for me to say this out loud!
things i find intolerable:
VICTIMS or people who play that card incessantly.
women who repeatedly line up a million excuses as to why they can't leave their men, husbands, looser boyfriends, addictions, break loose from depression, quit living in their pasts - instant reply on their histories, shaka laka ding dong - blah blah, wah wah wah nanny nanny fucking boo boo etc. lies!
and anyone who falls into either category!
enough of the excuses, if you and i can do this and a whole lot more, haven't shown the world that ANYONE can?
so sick of excuses.
on a lighter and more upbeat note:
detox, unwind, the kid is doing great and so much more!
you've hit maximum overdrive and now it's time for you to do your thang!
have fun this week and keep showing up and making your gratitude lists - it works!
p.s. crisps, cream cakes and flash dance workouts rule the world!
your universal friend - CX/DC!
girl, you are so right about all of this - per usual, you left nothing out!
the victim game, the street life, the shit - is all just that. shit. it doesn't change for some folks, and honestly, it's not that personally blame them for it - i just can't be around that self loathing attitude anymore.
i had an excellent session with my counselor today - i go because i need more help. and it dawned on me today: what will i do when i can't go anymore? - i don't know. someday we'll be far away and live in a huge city and i'll have to figure out another away to seek the help, support and healing that i need.
people, women, mother's, us, we benefit from getting help, our families benefit from it.
i want personal growth, healing, satisfaction, the world on a string. we can have it all, and i'm learning more and more that anything is possible.
your daughter is so lucky, beyond lucky to have you - what if you weren't her mother?
it doesn't matter, because you are, but sometimes the smallest things, the things that we do everyday, amaze me. we wake up and work hard and face the challenges as they come. nobody is perfect and that's the way it should be/needs to be in order to learn lessons, move forward and grow.
the others? i can't speak for them, they have their own lessons to learn and it's none of my business. but when i'm asked or if i can contribute something worthwhile and share it with them, i will.
the only thing that is different now is that i can only do it when they have something to give me in return.
otherwise forget it.
reciprocity is priceless.
lesson learned!
your friend studying late tonight!
CX
true blood. isn't it THE BEST? glad you got to see some inspiration in the blindside. i want to see it. i have thoughts of fostering too, would be great if money and my career allowed me the time and space to make it happen down the road. what an impact you can make. good news about your girl getting such compliments. my heart would explode with pride- this is a reflection of you and your hard work. keep on doing it!
i think it's great you make time to take care of the physical body. this is key to happiness. i have to keep learning that over and over again for some reason. been doing a dvd myself: jillian michaels. 25 or so minutes and i'm worked out and then i study- my nightime routine after i put my babe to bed. sending love and support - keep doing it!
I just love gardening so much! I do a garden every year, and love it so much! I find it very interesting and fulfilling. 
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Ofourse we’re on the same page enough for you to say this, you and I both know that it’s perfectly possible to want to punch someone in the face with love!
I know what you mean about victim stuff this is one of my things too, I was raised in an abusive home and it was crystal clear to me, GO, and GO, GO for better or worse. I never bought the reasons my Mum had, money whatever (hell there WAS no money!); it was something deeper, something about not wanting to be the Captain of your own ship, wanting to feel like the property of a man!?! She's out now thank god but the consequences live on.
My sister is the victim of all time, stuff has gone down, bad dark stuff BUT I have said if you had been where you should have been, doing what you should have been doing with the people you should have been doing it with this would NOT have happened. She can't approach stuff like that, you cannot expect others to extend a respect to you that you do not extend to yourself, you let that shit in you're gonna get burned. The street rat life gets pretty old approaching thirty.
But there is always hope, life is so peachy on the other side and there are people like us proving you can do it. You can raise your kids, keep your soul and mind intact, pursue your dreams at the highest level, heal yourself body and mind and you can keep your innocence in a way reclaim it, keep giving of yourself when it seems there is nothing left, the minute you say regardless I'm going to keep giving I refuse to dry up, fall down, become hard suddenly you get what you need but you need to have faith and take the first step out into the darkness alone. I guess some people can’t do that yet, but when they do we’ll be here waiting for them.
Take care of yourself DC
Love meds