Maybe I was naive

to think we could jump into a open-adoption-type scenario.

We had a mediation, they surrendered their rights to us. We all agreed to one more visit. They get a ride to our county for the visits--so dh and I spoke to several people there to verify that yes, they would definitely get one more ride out to see us. After that we'd be in touch (having exchanged cell #s and a safe address) and play it by ear.

Over the past two years, the boys' bio-parents and I (I drive little guy to the visits) have come to have a really nice relationship. We'd never talk about anything heavy but we got along fine, we acknowledged the love each of us has for the children, we laughed together at the silly things they'd do. We'd beam with pride at their little accomplishments.

Them surrendering to us is something I had wished for but was hard, emotionally, anyway. We grieved for them.

I prepared for the last visit--assembled a beautiful birthday gift for Mom, wrote a nice card for both of them, put a picture in a frame for Dad--and then the driver called me.
He can't find them. He called both of their cell #s several times the day before the visit as well as the morning of. No answers. He swung by their place to see if he could find them. He couldn't.
He said we'd try again in two weeks, but I don't know if they'll turn up then either.

At first I thought, well, it was just too hard for them. But then I began to wonder if they relapsed. They've been clean, working their program, doing so well--I really had hope for their futures. And I'm so concerned for them now.

I called the worker the next day to see if she had any plans to see them again. Nope, once they surrender her obligation to them is over. Which, from a pragmatic point of view I guess makes sense but when you think about what social work means (at least to me), it's not "work with these people until they surrender and then wash your hands of them." Really? She's not obligated to even check on them?

She, being human, said she would try to call them, though. But we both think they won't answer.

I boxed up the gifts and mailed it to the address they gave us.
Now I wait for two weeks and see.

I do have their cell phone numbers, but I won't call, not yet. I am considering texting them a day or two before the next attempt.
So many people in my community have told me they've been praying for me during the past two years of not knowing. I'm systematically getting to each of them to ask them to take me off the prayer list and add the boys' bio parents instead.

And so I come here to do the same. I know many of the newer mamas here don't know me but I also know there are many of you here that have been reading along and sending me vibes for two years now. Please send them to Z's bio mama and papa now.

Thanks.
xo