where are my peeps?

Ever feel like you just can't fully connect w/ people, that no one really "gets" you? I am not sure where to go w/ this issue. I am an anomaly, even here on hipmama I think, so have been afraid to come out w/ this. But I think many of you can relate to the FEELING of not belonging, of feeling like you can't get no REAL deep satisfaction in relationships. I just don't feel like I'm getting gratifying relating. I'm 46, had my son at just over 40, in a late marriage I hoped would last. Split up when son 18 mos because I have never and never will take any kind of emotional abuse for more than 10 minutes- I have always chosen freedom and self reliance over taking any kind of major crap from a man. NOt that I'm not willing to be patient and "work through" w/ someone, but if they are not willing to work, I'm out. I'm a therapist, love my work, self sufficient, but it takes a lot to do that AND raise my son on my own w/ a VERY unpredictable ex (at times supportive coparent, at times truly the most impossibly difficult, oppositional, conflict loving human I or most of my friends have encountered). Friendship- most are not seeking the kind of life I am of true consciousness first at whatever cost, even though I have women I love and who love me in my life. I don't feel like right now I have a true "soul sister" and that hurts. Men- got beat up truly badly this past year by ex-husband, in retrospect don't think it was an accident that he became incredibly difficult as I got fully involved w/ a new person and had a bid at a profound happiness, new home, broadening and bigger life (in many areas). He dragged me down. I am now back on my feet, and that new relationship didn't work out (not primarily because of ex's antics, though they certainly stressed the situation). The new person was a dear and great person but NOT together in some key areas I could not get past. So now here I am alone again (as I've been much of my adult life) w/ huge heart and desire to connect w/ a true partner, mad skills (if i do say so ) to make a good relationship, and no good prospects (again! ack!). I am dating someone who is a kind an very successful M.D., younger than me, sexy, a "catch" but not very interesting to me on a spiritual/psychological level. Just not really developed, not really an "intimate" deep person. Yes, I am very choosy. I can't see any other way to honor my life or self. Then there is this other guy- much more interesting but I don't know if he has his game on either, relationship wise. In a way the stronger and older and more
developed a woman becomes, the more the man arena narrows down.

SOrry to vent so much. I just am lonely and full of GOOD longing I think, loving life so much and my son, but long weekends now alone while he's at dad's, and don't know wher eto put my energy fully. Tried to start a writing group w / today as first day but can't work cause of Oscar's. Ack.

Love to all.