Polyamory...discuss!

If you ever want to talk about it one on one, let me know, I just got out of a poly relationship. I was dating a couple long-distance for about six months before coming out here to see if we could make it work. We lasted a couple of months, but in this case it didn't fly. I'm still in love with the husband, but of course his wife won't let him see me.

I am definitely poly. I don't like being on a short leash, I don't like being self-conscious about flirting with friends or giving a cute friend a back-rub, or in some cases a somewhere-else-rub.

But it's hard, too. You have to KNOW THYSELF, you have to be honest with yourself and your partners, and be open--no secrets, seriously. It's hard to keep everyone equally in the loop so no one feels left out.

Be aware, though: if you make anything a live-in arrangement, you can bet you'll need to be closeted in order to keep Bear or hold down a job, in most cases. It sucks, but poly is less socially accepted than being queer. I'm sure your FAX would just jump at the chance to claim you're unfit because you have more than one love in your life. So be careful on f@ceb00k and such. PM me if you want more details and such, I have a very realistic perspective on it.

I'd also recommend taking a listen to Polyamory Weekly (podcast) or reading The Ethical Slut. I'm a big fan of the latter and a regular listener of the former.

"opening up" by tristan taormino.

http://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/15...

i started reading it last week, just out of curiosity about open relationships. it's something i never thought i would ever consider but lately i question the reality of committing to one person FOR-EV-ER, and i recently read a glowing review of this book so figured i would check it out to learn more about it and think about how/if i would ever apply it to my own life. it's pretty much considered the bible for poly/open people and couples, and it's totally down-to-earth and has great checklists and questions to consider before you make any choices about this stiff. tristan taormino is pretty awesome; she's a porn director and sex columnist who identifies as queer, and i totally admire her balls for being so open about something (open relationships) that's so touchy for some people that it can inspire rage and violence.

like creatress said, honesty is KEY. some other stuff i've gathered through my reading so far: guidelines and boundaries are necessary, although it might seem counterintuitive to the concept. you need to be on the same page as your partner(s); are you looking for purely a sexual outlet with multiple partners while staying committed mentally and emotionally to one partner? are you looking to have multiple emotional and physical relationships without having one "main" partner? there's a million different ways open relationships can work, and one of them could work for you while another could be a disaster. and what works for you in one relationship might not work in another one, either.

check out the book, i promise you won't be disappointed. so funny that you posted this at the exact same time that i've been thinking so much about this topic! i almost made an identical post last week asking for some thoughts about it.