Wow...Glad I'm Not the Only One Who Remembers
So I was a bit floored to see a facebook friend request from a girl, we'll call her the Redhead, because she's always had gorgeous red hair.
She and I were in the same grade through school, but we never even remotely got along. In sixth grade, she and a sidekick actually made death threats to me after school one day when I was about to step off the school grounds to walk home...I actually had to go to the office and call my family for a ride.
I kinda joked about it in high school and stuff, but needless to say, that's one of those experiences that was burned into my mind. I was only about one rung up from the complete bottom of the food chain in late elementary school (after having been socially successful at my first school), and that incident really reminds me about that. I gave up on trying to be popular, hence why my having 370 facebook friends is insane to me, when I don't actively seek people out who I really don't care about.
After leaving high school, I wrote her off like everyone else. She was a dumb, ignorant piece of white trash who was never going to leave ND. I think she was pregnant senior year if I remember right, gave birth shortly after graduation (and yes, I judged her for that.) I figured that's as far as she'd go.
Well, eight years later, she's married, has two more kids, and is pursuing her MSW. [[[Yeah, MASTERS degree, she's due to be done this spring. Which makes her more educated than me, which stings in some ways, because I'm good at school and she wasn't! And she has more kids than me! I need to get off my ass, I can totally handle the school thing, I just need to find the right program for me.]]] She's liberal, she's a human rights advocate, etc.
She facebook friend requests me, and I was kinda...nervous about it in some ways, like maybe she was just trying to be a bitch still or something? But she and I have exchanged a couple of wall posts, and she said this: "...I would love the chance to sit down and speak with you. Take care, and.... I'm sorry. Really. I am."
I almost cried. Funny how we all grow up someday.
25/MN and WA. Queer, veg, single, AP mama to DD2.5.
- Creatress's blog
- Login or register to post comments
I think that when people apologize after years and years, that it's kind of a gift. It doesn't take away what she did, but it's nice that she evolved into the kind of person who was bothered by her actions, and has the maturity to apologize for it. Facebook is funny that way too; it enables people to reconnect again and can create some pretty weird endings to stories that you thought were over a long time ago.
One of my childhood bullies was killed in the 9/11 attacks, and I had really mixed feelings about it. It was terrible and I felt sad about it, but I couldn't really grieve for someone who had been so awful to me for so many years. Then I had this dream in which she appeared, we had a long talk, she explained why she had resented me so much, and she apologized. It was weird b/c it the reasons she gave in the dream were things that had never occurred to my conscious mind, yet made total sense. The whole thing felt so real. When I woke up I really felt that I had forgiven her.
for sharing about your bully forgiveness story. THAT was cool. The dream is a mysterious thing. I dont know where I'd be without mine. Sometimes they can be as real a life and it seems that this was a good thing for you!
thanks!
a belly full a laughter, a heart full of joy, a mind full of dreams...
http://lorriemiller.wordpress.com/
I think that is really cool. I was a total social reject thru most of my school years. It was very painful for me but because of it I must admit I wasn't above being shitty to someone in an attempt to feel better myself. I am inspired to make amends if I should ever cross the path of a grown up child I may have hurt.
I hope her appology warmed your heart. People can change and her transformation seems particullary wonderful.
The heart has its reasons whereof Reason knows nothing.
- Blaise Pascal
but you don't owe her face time, virtual or otherwise.
it's cool if you feel like listening to her and/or forgiving her, but don't feel like you're being petty if you don't wanna. i almost never go back and apologize for shit that i've done wrong to people. i think about the times when the situation was reversed. i don't enjoy talking to people who've been shits to me, much less them talking about how them being shits to me made them feel. so, i almost never presume i have a right to apologize to people. i feel them out and only proceed if they are receptive.
and if you do decide to be the bigger woman, be proud. because a lot of people wouldn't.
I am glad to hear that a bully grew beyond the problems of her youth. It's funny how we freeze-frame folks with whom we went to school with and then lost. I can understand how she'd want to make 'right' her earlier youthful wrongdoings, but that's her guilt, not yours. You should do just what feels right to you. You don't owe her anything. But that's just my bit;)
I was contacted via facebook from a 'bully' who once threatened, 'i know how to make it look like an accident.' So, i divorced him and cut all ties. So the fool, some twenty years later tries to 'friend me'. Now whether he's grown up by now or not, now that he's 45, I really couldn't care less. I didn't reply and I deleted his friend request, and upgraded my security on my fb page, to show only details to confirmed friends.
But then again each situation is unique. just follow your gut, and about getting off your ass. Do it because you want to, not to even up some imagined score-card. but i'm one to talk. I am one of the worst score card keeper ever... but only of myself... yikes the stress of it all.
L
I would totally throw up if my childhood bullies facebook friend-ed me. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't accept it. Then again, I don't remember their full names and they probably don't remember mine either so it's unlikely this would happen.
I'm glad that she was able to say she was sorry to you. And that you were able to see her in a new light, that's pretty cool.
Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. -- Emily Dickinson
You want to do what you think is right and what matters to you, and if other people don't like it, as my father would have said, they can go fuck themselves. -- Amy Bloom
I got a FB request from someone who treated me like shit when I was the New Kid in this hateful town full of dumb hicks. I was "weird" because I read books, used proper grammar and listened to folk rock.
Anyway, when I got the request, I hit "Ignore" and thought "feels good to tell your superior ass 'NO!'"
She may be a totally changed person. She may not even remember what a bitch she was to me. I don't care. I may not have been able to keep her out of my life then, but I sure as hell can now.
Funny how those childhood experiences stick with us.
Moral of the story: do what feels right for you, but don't let her absolve herself of any residual guilt at your expense.
Glamorous
Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. ~Austin O'Malley
you are not only willing to forgive but to let her apologize.
after i had my first son, i went through a streak of apologizing to people i felt i had wronged. i was not in any form a bully but i apologized to people who had maybe been hurt by my actions or thoughts. like the girlfriend of my long-standing crush or my ex-boyfriend. the girlfriend probably didn't even know who i was as most of the wrongs had been in my head. i didn't sign the postcard. but it was a sense of relief. and it probably just seemed like some random act of kindness to her since it was worded like a "note from the universe".
my ex-boyfriend and i went through some more pain after i apologized. but maybe we were supposed to. of course, eventually he got a bit stalker and my husband felt it was because other people don't apologize out of the blue for past hurts, thus i brought it on myself.
i don't "friend" anyone i wasn't actually friends with. i accepted my ex-best friend but i "hide" her on my feed. i like that option.
Navigation
Who's online
Who's New
- BeachBunny
- gayle.mallinger
- Mamapocket
- mjcwriter
- addie smith