Money SHITE
Ugh. I will bounce a check today. I'm pretty sure of that. If not today, then tomorrow. And I don't have any way to make it any different. I don't know, maybe not. Skin of my teeth-- I might be able to pull something out of my ass. I'm tired of this--squeezing in-between the lines bullshit. I deserve better than this.
I was at a viola sectional last night at the home of one of the other viola players. She also tunes pianos. She has a fabulous house in the Oakland Hills. She is married--I guess her hubby rakes it in or something. I'm jealous. I really am. She is the person who has the cool diagonal viola. But, and this is what chaps my hide, she SUCKS at the viola. I play in an all-volunteer, no audition orchestra, so there are players of all abilities in it. I'm cool with that. I'm cool with her not being very good, yet totally dedicated to the orchestra. I'm cool with her having money and time to be the new member intake person and all that. BUT I am, as always, frustrated by my life situation. I am a damned good musician. Damned good on the viola, the violin, the guitar, the bass and singing. I am talented and I love to make music. But I am a solo single mom. I am poor (sometimes I try to kid myself about this). Really, though, it just isn't fair. I should have a nice viola. I should have time to practice. I should be in the SF Symphony, or doing other great music instead of practicing in a cold garage, or cleaning houses to make just enough money not to bounce a check today, when I'd rather be making music. Call it hubris if you will, but I also think the musical world loses out by not having me fully in it.
"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
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I'm so sorry that you are going through this. While I lack your musical talent, I totally feel your frustration about deserving a better outcome, and the chance to share and enjoy your talent.
I keep trying to tell myself that things could be soo much worse, but dammit, they could also be sooo much better.
Here are some Miracle Vibes. Wishing you Lotto or an unexpected tip from a customer or finding $20 that you forgot about in a pocket.
Glamorous
Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. ~Austin O'Malley
It has been my experience that the people who can afford to buy themselves the coolest toys are the ones who are generally dilettantes or hobbyists. The people who really care, who care enough to really pursue their art - are the ones who show up with the battered equipment and kick the shit out of everybody else. I haven't heard you play, but I'd bet that this is you.
I don't know if you'd ever be into this, but have you considered teaching music or doing lessons? DH and I have a lot of musician friends who teach their instruments on the side, and it's helped them bring in extra cash while doing something they enjoy.
A client of mine was telling me that his in-laws pay $2,000 a semester to send their kids to a School of Rock (in Colorado). The kids spend six months learning an instrument, then get paired up with other kids in a "band". Each six month term is $2,000, and if your kid doesn't like her bandmates, you get to pay another $2,000 for her to join a different band.
I think Oakland needs a School of Rock.
I didn't mean to get all motivational speaker on you : )
I totally get what you mean. I hadn't really thought of this lady as a gearhead, but now that you mention it---yeh. I can get hellsa better tone out of the fugly gronk viola I'm borrowing than she can out of that sweet Pellegrina.
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It's just rough building clientele and then you have to be "up" on the instrument, then you are dealing with kids & their parents, and you either have people coming into your house, or you're traveling to them...blah blah blah. Not that I would never consider doing it again.
I'm pretty sure Oakland has a school of rock. Or two.
I think I'm just whining, really.