Baby Z update

He's not so much a baby anymore, going to be 2 in a month. (How does that always happen so fast?) There's so much to say, it would really take me all day to type it out so I am going to try my best to be succinct.
Backstory for those that don't know/remember:
We became licensed foster parents in order to adopt.
Got baby E placed with us rather quickly. He was abandoned at the hospital, dad unknown, mom homeless & addicted, no other family to speak of (aside from his other siblings whom have all been adopted and I am in touch with)
Though there were no complications, it still took over 2 years to adopt him.

Right before his 2nd birthday, they called us about baby Z, also waiting at the hospital. Z is his biological brother. We said yes immediately. We thought it'd be the same.

A few weeks after he came home they told us we'd have to start visits with his parents.
This knocked me for a loop. I used to long for any tidbit of information about their mother to share with them, when I met her for the first time (I had to drive the baby to his visits) I almost hyperventilated. At the time she didn't know I had E and I wasn't comfortable with her meeting him yet.

At first they were still using and they looked terrible. Visits were not consistent. (Supposed to be every 2 weeks for 2 hours, supervised at an office) Then they went to rehab for many months and the baby was getting a ride to see them instead. When I finally saw them again I almost didn't recognize them...skin, hair, eyes so much healthier. Improvement you could see.

At that point E's adoption was finalized and I felt comfortable bringing him with me to drop-offs. He was shy at first but now he is very comfortable with seeing his birth mom and I always let them play for a bit when we drop off and pick up Z.

It was really really REALLY hard on me for awhile but the visits have turned out to be a blessing. I have a good rapport with them and it meant so much to me that we all hugged at the last visit before xmas. They trust me and defer to me on if it's okay to feed Z something or not. They see how happy and wonderful both boys are and how much they love each other and me. Z constantly calls me "mama, mama, mama" and if it hurts her she doesn't show it.

Now it is really hard for me to think of what comes next because in April there will be a trial in which most likely their rights to him will be terminated. I have let the courts know that I fully intend to stay in touch with them but it will never be like it is now with visits twice a month. They won't be getting rides to my county for visits anymore and once the rights are terminated, the state stays out of it. So if I want to get together I'm going to have to arrange it. I wish there were resources for us to utilize--I have some worries about doing this alone. My biggest fear being them relapsing, though of course I hope that does not happen. They are doing well, she's working on her GED, they are engaged...but jobs are very hard to find right now and they're still living with family.

The trial is mid-April (actually on E's 4th birthday). The judge has (and will probably take) 30 days to make a decision. Once their rights are terminated, they have 45 days to appeal. If the appellate court approves of it, that process could take another year. So this could be a long, long road ahead of me yet.

Or their rights could be terminated and they could decide not to appeal.

Or their rights could be not terminated and then I just don't know what I would do. It pretty much destroys me to think about that, so I just don't anymore.

We didn't know this is what we were getting into when we said yes to Z but of course even if we did, we would have said yes anyway.

And that is the BRIEF version of what's been going on....