christy x on thursday!
1. my kind of hope!
the positive? there are all different kinds of hope, the shiny and sparkly kinds make me smile!
2. so film school, the new AD (assistant director position) is hardcore, physically challenging, fast and fun!! meetings every tuesday and thursday, and as the AD i manage the daily work load, for the class! i met with the director one and one and broke down the drills that we'll begin to use in order to prep everyone *25* folks when the time comes to shoot this short film!
i handle the call sheets, and i'm the backbone of the project. i'm temporarily overwhelmed at times, but i move quickly and do what needs to be done! and what i'm told to do!
i'm realizing that this is what a hollywood set is like times 100,000. this is serious, this is what i've asked for.
last week, i finally felt grounded, and i'm talking two feet and a bill cosby sweater kind of "grounded". it took me a while, don't you think. i'm still enjoying the learning process and taking my time, i think!
the positive: i'm getting the best education possible, and i'm asking for more help. i've begun the application process to scholarships, one down and 20 more to go! i'll get what i ask for.
3. the man - the men, the whatever it is. i've extended my heart and soul out to plentyofish.com. this seems to be the hot spot. i am feeling the pinch, ladies. it's challenging for me. i don't like to rely on me, and it's flaring up big time. i don't like to trust them. but i need to. i met a nice man on line who only wanted to text, so i ditched him, like in 24 hours! i do this, and i look at other women and i wonder why what comes so naturally for most, is such a temporary struggle for me. i cry, and i try again.
the positive? i hate to say this out loud, but i'm learning as i go and the best part is that my radar is up. i can tell a good one from a bad one finally.
4. skye texted me last week and asked me how i was doing, and i asked him the same. he is staying with friends mostly and staying in his car when he can't get to a friends house. he's job and house searching and in the process of walking home from downtown seattle after work, i had the itch to call him. he admitted to me on the phone that harmoney did get an abortion 2-3 weeks prior. i had smelled a rat a few weeks back when she broke up with him, and even sharene commented on how secretive she was in the process, most likely fudging her due date. i also clocked that if the baby was his, no way would she have aborted it, period. she didn't want him there, etc. it was mind boggling that she had waited so long, no matter how long she was, she skated a fine line at nearly 18 weeks!
the positive: when my psychic radar is up, it's never wrong, and the bottom line on this one was that FINALLY someone was thinking of the baby. don't believe people when they're dumb and they lie, just don't. even if it makes you look bad or feel bad. really.
5. it took about a week for it to sink in my brain, because i would have never thought that she would have gone through it. i'm glad that she and her mother woke up in time. i personally believe the rumors that got back to skye a few weeks ago - that she had cheated on him at least once with another guy.
the positive: i broke it down to him to never let this happen again, even if she says that she's on the pill *like she did before!*. i hope he's learned his lesson. they are still together, for now.
6. i am heading to the gym tonight to unwind and detox and sweat and move my muscles.
7. i have some homework to finish up tomorrow morning.
8. i'm manifesting some cool stuff this week. a monster size tax return - $10,000, a nice pair of high heels, a nice tasty hunky man date and raking in $5,000 a night at the paramount fund rasier. just do it!
9. my film turned out amazing, my instructor still doesn't quite get it. my other teammates are proud, and even if they diss some parts, i'm holding out strong. i know good work and i know what it takes to put a kick ass sold film together. i stand by my work.
10. i'm creating a real life for myself and even when i'm physically exhausted, i move forward and ask for more!
11. i got a nice foodstamp bump up that i needed.
12. my mom comes out to see us in less than two weeks! this will be our first time together in 12 years, and her first time meeting mars! all three of us are so excited! she arrives on the 13th and leaves the 16th, i'll take a day off from school to make sure that she gets to the airport safely on her way back. the other days will be spent with her taking care of mars and getting some precious time with her, between work and school. i love her dearly and i will make it fun for her!
13. the cars just might be the best band ever!
yours - christyX
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i was at the gym and i heard "bye bye love" and caught myself liking it. "you think you're so illustrious-- you call yourself intense..." HA!
18 weeks.... gad. i hope she's doing alright. it must have been hard on her, if she waited and vacillated that long. i'm sure it was the right decision, but whenever i hear of someone waiting that long, i think of what it would take to make that decision so hard. mine was easy. i knew as soon as the + sign appeared, and waiting for that 7 week mark was torture. but i hope skye took it as a life experience and now knows more about fallible people and how they can impact his life. must have been hard to hear he's sleeping in his car.
you're so right about believing people when they lie and act like asses. it took me a long time to learn that one, i was raised to play along. long story. but life is so much easier when you nip shit like that in the bud. a well placed "really... how did that happen?" can work wonders.
please don't take that the wrong way, i know she's caused unjustifiable amounts of suffering. i just look at that situation and i see a child who's ill equipped to deal with her situation, and yes, fucks everyone else because of it.
i've been thinking a lot about stupidity lately. an i think this is another example not just about impacting other people negatively, but moreover how much of an act of hostility it is to be an ignorant person. stupidity for some reason is regarded as innocuous, something people can't help and therefore should not be held accountable. but this shit is not ok. whoever you look at, the mother who could have relieved suffering by helping her child learn to cope and make a decision, the girl, stupidity really is a bad, hostile, destructive thing.
and i'm glad too that you spoke up about it. that's an example of a good, generous and constructive thing. being truthful when we're encouraged to keep certain truths concealed, it's not only brave but very helpful to those of us who will read it and maybe encounter similar situations.
normally i would edit this so it's not sounding too much like i'm licking your balls but, i have to get to work. like, now.
i actually don't think you're wrong at all. i never intended to suggest that.
because i really respect the hell out of you and how you're handling this. i'm really sorry if another impression came across.
hey lady, i care about you and your family - i hope you know this. and thank you for the nice compliment!
it was more than a compliment, i know this.
i'm sorry to come off like a poozer, i've had an extremely challenging day at school, and i'm at a definitely cross roads. i'm exhausted and very over worked. it was my choice to get into this fucking program, but i'm weighing my options as i type this. skye came by to get some stuff, it was ridiculous, as usual.
it's just been too much today. thanks for listening/caring!
take care - CX
Wow! What a turn up, your held your course as hard as it was and you should be very proud. What an unescesarily painful scenario for everyone, just how odd! It's done lady, done and dusted.
I know the tiredness issue, I am experiencing it in real time!tempers are getting frayed in my home and bad energy is begetting bad energy. I still have so much to learn about absorbing my own crap, shovelling my own shit and sending out the right vibe, you have actually been a great example to me on this issue! I am thinking of you and yours today.
Take every oportunity presented to take care of yourself, you're in this for the long haul and that requires careful and thoughtful energy expenditure. Have a great time with your Mum!
Love
meds
odd is right! how can you describe the roller coaster ride that i've been on for the last 2 months?!!
i agree with the done and dusted part, thank you for believing that i could deal with this (i wasn't so sure) , and mostly - thanks for being such an amazing friend.
the tiredness can start to really bog everyone down - i think you're doing an amazing job and you always take ownership when needed.
energy takes time to balance and you already know the drill - you learn what patterns to replace, how to achieve more reciprocity in your life, etc. eventually you expend less energy to achieve the results that you want.
keep your focus, i think you're doing smashing!
hearts and thank you for the nice compliemetn!
your friend - Cx
I hope she's not pulling your son's leg about this (was she even ever pregnant? would he know/be able to tell?). It does sounds like your son has learned some powerful lessons from all this. I hope he will be very careful with her in the future!
I hope you get that monster tax return! that would be sweet 
on your instructor not getting your film: I read this book called The Artist's Way, and the author talks about how blocked creatives often go into fields that are supportive of what they really want to do but not quite what they want to do...then they hate on folks actually doing what they want to do. So like maybe your instructor really wants to make films full-time but instead works teaching others how to make films, then when they see someone produce an original, startling film they feel jealous because that is what they want to be doing.
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hello mrs!
i don't know what to say - it was such a mess a few weeks ago, and everyone knows that i opted to pull out of it, on my counselors request. at the time, when i caught some flack for my honesty and opinion on this site, i almost regretted posting about it. but after the facts rolled out, i'm glad that i spilled the beans and spoke the truth.
this girl has lied about so much, and skye is in denial, i'm hoping that when she graduates job corp this month, he finally sees it. the plan is that they will live together, but my wish is that he just lets this relationship go.
i'm not ashamed to say it, this situation is an excellent example of how one person can impact an entire group of people, negatively.
she literally kept the situation so tight/under lock and key, that it was between her and her mom, only. so only they know what really happened. i'm just glad that SOMEONE had enough sense to finally let this thing go, for the sake of the child! hello!!
i'm sure that it was painful, when i've had abortions at 6 weeks it was hardcore, and the last one i had was at 12 and i felt like i was dying on the table.
this was another odd choice: why would her mother encourage her to keep it and then allow her daughter to wait to the point where it would be more physically painful for her in the end? plain stupid in my book.
just my opinion overall:
call things like you see it, even if nobody else wants to hear or deal with the truth. don't be so fearful that you agree, just to "get along" even in a sad and painful situation like this.
take care - CX