so the schedule proved to be too much

we were sort of finding our groove, but neither of us had time for anything but work and shit surrounding work. i haven't played music or done any art, let alone read a damn book. not to mention that being at work most of my days, i started to take shit way too seriously there. to the point where my boss, whose management style includes a lot of "how's it going" meetings with everyone, mentioned in one such meeting, "it's just a job." which is all, imo, part of finding your groove. i just feel like i spend too much damn time there, as great a job as it is, i don't want to spend all my time anywhere.

then Lil' Filth's grades took a nosedive. my options for remedying that are limited. stay with her and supervise studying, or hire a tutor, and while the money is nice, i don't make anywhere near enough to pay a tutor. the after school program supervises children doing their homework, but they do not supervise the homework, per se. it's more about making sure no one hits anyone or steals anything. what she had with the freedom to self regulate was the option, it turned out, to skip assignments, do work with kids in the hall videos playing, munch away and get sidetracked, so that by the time i got home at the tail end of the day, she was often not even finished. her work would be all spread out around the computer, her email open, videos playing and crumbs in her books, and i would still have to comb over all her work and check it, investing another hour into reminding, arguing, that's done, no it isn't, it's good enough, no it isn't, and so on.

so i'm thinking the schedule has to change. maybe until spring. i think they'll go for it at work, they were going to hire someone else to help out anyway.

the kid will NOT be pleased. having me breathing down her neck after school will be sufficiently miserable as to give her incentive to work harder and show me i can leave her to do her work by herself for a couple hours.

i don't know, i'm a little ambivalent. part of me feels like i'm caving rather than rising to the challenge, that i can still make this work. then the other part of me says it's not worth my kid suffering for it. not that the kid feels that she's suffering, she's having a blast.

but i'm preparing to walk in and propose a 30 hour work week, rather than 40.

oh and don't tell, but i took a day off tomorrow. yep, i took a day off and the family doesn't know. if i told them, they'd put off the groceries and laundry till tomorrow "since you're home anyway," so i will tell them tomorrow night. i'm going to sleep, work out, write that proposal and bake. then i will surprise Lil' Filth when she walks in the door. ha.