Therapy?
Any of you mama's been to therapy? I am currently in individual therapy, hoping that I will get some help in going forward with my goals. I am feeling a little weird about it. I love my therapist, she's great. I feel that it is helping me, yet there is this little tiny part of me that feels like this is way to much of a bourgois (sp?) luxury. My mind keeps telling me to just get over it. Do any mama's struggle with this?
"But is it my manner that keeps her from hearing, or the threat of a message that her life may change?"
-Audre Lorde
- Freedamomma's blog
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i am one (a therapist that is), so i am biased (somewhat), but i think that thinking that therapy is a luxury is a misogynistic internalized self-loathing thing, like, why do we not think that our very MINDS, our very SELVES, are worth whatever maintenance they require to be amazing? like, do you feel that dental work is a bougie luxury? i dunno. i struggle with the same things, don't get me wrong. i especially give myself a hard time about taking care of myself. for example i am just now parting with a chunk of change to see a doctor for my debilitating fibromyalgia that doesn't take insurance. i mean, really, i have been in pain for over ten years, WTF? i HAVE the money, i just haven't been able to bring myself to "justify" it until now. whatevs. i hear you. go to therapy. it is maintenance on the most valuable possession you have. 
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
Go with it. I love my therapist, if you have a good one, that can be a great thing. Of course, it helps to have something to work through.... I always try to come up with a weekly "theme" (like self-consciousness, self-awareness in childhood, experiences, dissociation, etc. - and tie them into things that are coming up for me in the present) before I venture into her office and then go from there. I kind of mull all week over the theme- something always comes up. And/Or I throw a bunch of questions at her. Self-indulgence is important for each of us as individuals- if we indulge our SELVES (by that I mean The Self) by paying attention to it, we are in better shape on the whole- there is a difference between self-indulgence and selfishness that is uncaring towards others. I highly doubt that you going to therapy is hurting anyone. Maybe don't look at it as an indulgence- just try to see it as spending time with yourself. That's important, right?
I don't feel bad at all about going to see my therapist- I have had some serious shit go down this past year and she helps me keep my head above water- it's all relative- maybe you should tell her your fears that therapy is bourgeois and self-indulgent and see what she says- that might open up some interesting stuff for you to talk about.
You sound like someone who is feeling guilty for not eating her food because children are starving in China. KWIM?
i really think that taking care of yer soul/brain/heart is in NO WAY a luxury, but something that *should* be a right to every person on the planet. obviously, it's not and that's probably where yer holdup with the perception that it's bourgeois (sp too) and indulgent is coming from.
but i say let it go.
cuz, really, self exploration and awareness can yield up amazing amazing things.
go for it.
It's late at night...I can't sleep and I forgot how comforting the advice of the mamas can be. Y'all are awesome. Thank you. I am so blessed to have this community.
i've tried it a couple of times and it didn't work out really. but for most of the reason was that i didn't feel like it really helped me. and then yeah, i did think of it as bourgeois and a waste of good money, but truth be told, if it helped with anything i wanted help with, i would have thought of it as a very smart investment.
i'm the type of person who doesn't need someone to listen and bounce shit back at me in new ways, i think of everything from every possible angle before it ever leaves my lips, which is a terrible trait but it's me. it also resulted in feeling let down by the process of therapy, because sessions were all spent on clarifying what i meant by this or that. like when you're just getting to know a person and you don't quite know what they mean here and there, so you ask and you dialog so you know each other. well that was pretty much the whole session. so i'd spend what to me was a TON of money to lay the groundwork so that i could BEGIN talking about stuff, and ran out of money. and i'm referring here to my closest experience to a "successful" therapist i've had.
and that feeling, like it's a waste and it's so indulgent... yeah that colors how you talk to the person and what you can get out of it, imo. so i personally came away from it thinking it's not for me. i'm the wrong type to benefit from this. in fact i think that there are certain types who do benefit from therapy and the rest of us do not.
i say all this because you mention that it is helping. if you feel that way, you probably should get over your feelings like it's bourgeois, and continue until it's no longer helping. then, i don't know, yoga or something. and there's always booze.
Hi Freedamama!!!!! Long time no see!
Yes I went to therapy. After each visit I always feel better and there ain't nothing bougie about that! Now that I'm in a better place I can't imagine my life without therapy. Go and be proud to be taking care of yourself!
Personally, I got nowhere in therapy, except broker and more annoyed each week. This went on, on and off, for ten years. I guess I don't understand how it works, or how it's supposed to work.
There are also people who love running. Running makes me feel awful. I tried to do that too because so many people insisted that if I just gave it a chance, I'd find it beneficial. Never happened.
However, some people seem to be genuinely helped by therapy, running or both. If either one works for you, then go right ahead and never mind the indulgence. You'd spend the same amount of money on a plumber without thinking twice about it, wouldn't you?
Good luck with whatever you choose.
Glamorous
Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. ~Austin O'Malley
I told you a little of my journey last year/this year...it would be an understatement to say that therapy saved my life. or rather my decision, my choice, to get help saved me. You have a right, no a responsibility to get the help you need. there is little elitism in that. Are you privileged to have health insurance and/or be able to afford the time and money for therapy? yes...but so what? you are privileged to have toothpaste, a toothbrush, and regular dental checkups. some people don't have that, but should you let the teeth rot out of your head because dental care can be construed as elitist? No one would be served or helped by that.
Therapy will transform you and your life. Some tips based on my experience that may help you going in:
- This is your care and you have a right to feel safe, comfortable, and open with your therapist. If it is not a good fit, that's ok. You can and should change therapists. a good therapist will let you know the first visit that they want you to feel comfortable and will not be upset if you choose someone else, for whatever reason. you two will be working together on your problems, so it's important to establish rapport early on. I would give it a little time, so if you don't feel a comfortable connection within 3 visits, look for someone else. I switched therapists early on, not because I didn't like the initial therapist, it's just her style was more confrontational and challenging than I was ready for. I was a shattered mess and needed a more soothing, gentle type of therapist. I found someone who is a great fit for me, and that's ok.
- Know what it is you wish to change or improve about yourself and/or your life. This helps your therapist to identify measurable steps to reach your goals. You will have progress based on what you put into it, and this is helped along with having things you can measure against to 'see' your progress. A good therapist will give you 'homework' and suggestions for things you can do or try to do between visits that help you.
- Be open about all your symptoms. Your therapist can't help you with what they don't know about. If you need medication they also can't refer you to a doctor or prescribe meds (if they can prescribe)unless they know what your issues are. for example if you are depressed and have anxiety issues but only tell your therapist about the depression, you may not get adequate treatment for the anxiety. So tell them all that is going on with you so you can get full help.
- Understand that progress isn't fast or slow, it just is. To me it often seems as if my progress has been very fast but it's been nearly a year since my breakdown last February. I am now ready for a DBT group and that is at least another year. is 2 years a long time? perhaps, but that time passes anyway so I might as well use it to greatly improve the quality of my life. Time is subjective, and when you have good therapy the time it takes to get into your issues is irrelevant because it will feel fast to you...you may feel like you are experiencing rapid progress.
- You will have setbacks! I hope you don't but this is likely to happen, and I don't want you to be afraid of it or think that your therapy isn't working. but at first, you will feel much worse than you do now before you feel much better. Therapy will dredge up many painful things for you, all the hidden and repressed stuff that you think you are 'over' or made peace with but have really continued to have a negative impact on your life. You will feel all those emotions all over again, and it will feel like fresh pain and new. plus the person you are now, part of you will be highly resistant to change and want things to stay the same. So at first you may often have days of feeling bad plus feeling like you are fighting with yourself. stick it through! because this passes as you grow stronger and stronger into the person you want to be.
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Yes.. mama, I catch your drift you are right. Perfect Analogy.( What does the fact that I hate eating Lima Beans have to do with starving kids in Ethiopia?) Thankyou for the advice. I was wondering what I will talk to her about next week, and wondering if it was appropriate to try to plan for my sessions ahead of time. This post helped ALOT.