you just never can know for sure what kind of pain someone is in.
i found out earlier today that an old friend i used to work with hung herself last night. i haven't seen her for a couple years...she's a *wonderful* woman, lively and funny and smart as hell, and i'm heartbroken to think of the pain she must have been in to do this. she leaves behind masses of friends and family who loved her dearly, and her partner and his children who she was a second mother to. there's no rhyme or reason or explantation for it, yet i still struggle to make sense of it.
i can't imagine how difficult this must be for my friends that are incredibly close to her, that spend every day with her at work, every day off with her out somewhere. or how imposible to believe it must be for her family, her partner and his children. i wish i could wrap them up and hold them close and take it all away, but all i can do is send them whatever love and peaceful, healing vibes i can.
any vibes you mamas would like to send their way would be a blessing.
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when something like this touches your life even peripherally, it fucks with your head. you're generous to offer support to her family but don't negate your loss because you lost too.
Sending vibes.
Glamorous
Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. ~Austin O'Malley
your way.
I'm so sorry, miss phoenix.
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you're right. sometimes it's easier to acknowledge how other people lost "more", because it keeps me from having to confront how much it truly hurts me that someone so wonderful is gone so suddenly, so tragically. know what i mean?
suddenly tonight i'm feeling it so strongly. i just don't get it. i came across a picture a friend took of chrissy at a party on saturday night, two nights before she took her life, and she looked the same as she always did; radiant and silly and alive. i know it's impossible to figure these things out but i can't shake the feeling that there should be some kind of answer; some kind of "clue" or something that'll make me say "oh, i get it now".
it's not there, it never will be. there's no clue or answer, just the fact that she's gone way before she should have been. at least everyone knows that the pain she was in is over now, and she's not suffering anymore the way she must have been.
aaaand here come the tears. i guess they had to come eventually.