Ohhh the possibilities...
Is it possible to go to grad school and get my Master's while taking care of an eight year old and a new little baby?
Is it possible to go to grad school, take care of an eight year old and a new little baby, and hold down a full time job?
Is it possible to go to grad school, take care of a kid and a baby, hold down a full time job, while my husband goes to grad school also?
Is it fair for my husband to tell me that I need to work full time and only get to go to school part time, doubling the time I'm in school, so that he can go full time, his reasoning being that he's 2 years older than me and needs to get his education finished and also that he worked full time and got his second bachelor's while I didn't work at all? (Forget the fact that I was also going to school and having a baby.)
One reason (of many) why I divorced my first husband is because I knew there was no way I would be able to live my life the way I wanted to in any form while being married to him. I could never be who I was. I never wanted to marry again, never wanted a relationship after that because I believed that partners mess up how I want to live my life. I married my new husband because he didn't seem to be like that. He was supportive of everything I did and never wanted me to be anything different than what I am. I felt like I could follow my dreams and still be married to my wonderful partner.
But it seems like he wants to follow his dreams while I put mine on hold. And we all know what happens when you put your dreams on hold. I seriously thought I was going to go to grad school in the fall. There's no way we can both do it AND one of us work full time!
So what do I do? I can give in, go find a crappy job somewhere to support us, and let him follow his dream, but then I'm stuck in a crappy job. Or I can follow my own, but then I'm the shitty wife.
GRRRRRR!!!! I'm a bear.
"Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth." -Buddha
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Count your blessings. I work full time to support my two kids by myself, in a shitty job. I don't even have the time to go to school part time. I'm guessing I will have to wait at least two years to do that at all--till my younger kid is finished with high school. That's how long I've had to put this particular dream on hold (have tried to go to school, but it's well-nigh impossible as a solo single mom)-- 18 years and counting!
I don't see how going a little slower because you have kids equates with not following your dreams at all, but that's me.
"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Beyond 'fair' or ideals, the logistics of you being better equipped to support the family, to support his following his dream (if you chose to do that), makes it clear that the focus should be on getting you where you need to be. Fuck target. Don't feel bad about this, this is how you're being a good wife and mom.
Marriage is a whole lotta compromise even when it's at it's best.
How do you feel about putting it on hold for a while while you husband finishes out school? If you absolutely can not take that maybe find a way for you to both contribute to the household while you're both in school?
I know my mom didn't do grad school until we were teenagers and she did make it work. I don't know why she waited, if it was for family reasons or she just didn't feel driven to go until then.
That's what I was going to do. He's finishing his second bachelor's right now while going to work full time. His job makes him cry, so I told him after I graduated I would work full time so he could finish up with school, then I'd go to grad school in the fall. It never dawned on me that he was wanting to do grad school too. He didn't say anything about it. He seems to think that he won't be able to find a job with just a bachelor's in communications, that he needs to have a master's if he wants to work with radio. What I don't think he's thinking about is that it is REALLY hard to get into radio, and when you do, it doesn't pay. If I could just finish up with my school and get a job, I will be able to support us and then he can finish. There's no way he could support us with a radio job.
Most of this is really just an argument over who goes first. I'm thinking about logistics, he's thinking about his dream.
oooh I didn't even read that part, I was thinking he'd just finish up his masters which I didn't realize you needed grad school for. Ha ha I never got any higher ed. Damn. I would be frustrated in your shoes. Could you both drop the topic in the house for a month or so and then revisit it? Maybe he'll have a different perspective if he has some time to think about it.
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I did that. I was a single mom who worked full time and went to school full time. It was hard! But worth it. Here's the thing about going slow though: I need a job soon. I'm under-qualified without more education for just about everything that pays the salary I need. Also, we'll be relying heavily on financial aid and student loans (we're not people with money), so that means full time status. As far as dreams go, my dream is to have a job that supports our family while his is to work in radio. I'm not trying to demean his dream, it's just that we need income right now. We can't just keep living off of student loans forever! I was hoping to just substitute teach full time until the fall when I can go and get my MSW. I really don't think we can both do this at the same time, at least not full time!
I know I should count my blessings. I know I could go get a job at Target if I wanted to. But there's also something about going to a job that makes me miserable that I really want to avoid.
Really, it's kind of a petty argument in a way. And after I finished typing this blog last night, he even told me that I could go first. The MSW program I'm looking at is only a year. So all of this really is moot.
I just wish there was a way that we could both do what we want while one of us has a job and we both try to raise this family. But I guess it's not a perfect world, is it?