I'm disappointed by my birthing classes- aka is it really possible that I'm the only 8 mnth prgnt lady that feels like shipoopy?
I'm feeling kinda lonely as a pregnant lady. I have all of 0 friends with kids (not that I have many friends to begin with). My dh has lots of friends with kids, but not that i've really made great connections with. So i have really been looking forward to my birth prep classes. I was hoping to find some people i could commiserate and swap complaints with, but no such luck.
The ladies at my birthing classes all seem to be beaming with pre-maternal satisfaction and when asked how they're doing they all smile sweetly and affirm that they're feeling really great, or maybe they have some ¨mild discomforts¨. I've never seen such a group of Mary Poppins in my freaking life. I'm afraid to even begin to vent with these people.
Is it really possible that I'm the only 8 month pregnant lady who is scared shitless and sick to f*ing death of living the miracle of pregnancy? I mean are these other ladies not waking up with serious leg cramps- on top of the increasing everyday aching leg and feet sensation. Are they not losing sleep anyway on account of their burning indigestion, crazy kicking fetuses, and even crazier flood dreams? Do they not have burning uncomfortable noses that they blow crusty scabs and bloody snot out of all day? Are they not having difficulties tying their shoes and picking up things from the floor? Do they not have increasingly leaky cooches and get sweatier and smellier everyday? Are they not incredibly tired and find themselves capable of accomplishing less and less everyday and spontaneously weeping intensely over the plight of the polar bears?
Or is it that they are amazon women who simply refuse to let these ¨mild discomforts¨ stand in the way of their ¨enjoyment of their pregnancies¨.
And seriously, if I'm this miserable now- how am i gonna make it through the next 8 weeks- not to mention the first two months of motorboy's life? Am i somehow dificient as a woman for feeling this way?
Am I already a bad mother? Because as much as I feel an overwhelming and intense love for the being in my belly, I also feel a certain resentment. I mean i know i asked for this, but does he have to kick me so hard? And i know it's not his fault, but if he weren't in there i wouldn't be feeling so freaking miserable.
I tried to talk about it a little bit in my nonhospital birth class with the awesome hippy mom, and they tried to convince me that I was actually resentful of my job for being the only thing i have the energy to do. That just made me feel like my feelings were too appalling to accept, because i'm not resentful of my job. In the past I was able to do my job and all kinds of other things too. I love my job. It's only since these last few weeks of pregnancy that I am too wiped out to do anything other than my job (except at the weekends). It's the pregnancy that i resent, and by extension, my unborn child.
And as much as i just want this over with, I'm terrified of making the transition from pregnant lady to new mother. And I feel like i may be cursing myself and my child because the psychologist recommended this book to me which reaffirms that mothers who were ambivalent about their pregnancies were more likely to have difficult complicated births, and babies born with complications were more likely to have psychological problems as adults. I mean I'm sure i love and want this baby but if feeling a certain degree of resentment toward your unborn child isn't an ambivalence about pregnancy- than what is?
OK, sorry for the big dump- but I just had to get this stuff off my chest, because i don't know who I have that i can tell it to in my real life.
Tigerfish Mama
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Could it be a cultural thing? Are the Spaniards just not as likely to speak of leaky coochies with women they don't know well?
At least you can come here and dump your very normal and legitimate pregnant lady feelings.
What can I say to ease your mind about childbirth that you haven't already heard or read...? I don't know. Maybe that during my first time I thought to myself "Women do this TWICE???" and within an hour of her being born someone asked me how it was and I said, "Not too bad!"
It's intense but you are strong and your body knows what to do. You have a great husband, you're educated, it's going to be a lot of work and it will hurt, too. But it's going to pass and then you get a baby. A baby!! 
those ladies are in denial. like people who say tattoos don't hurt. denial is the wrong word- they're liars!
sure some women luuuurve being pregnant, but everyone has complaints- especially near the end. you can't eat, you can't breath, you can't do anything except look at your huge belly and try to imagine when you get the parasite out of you. but then you have to worry about the aftermath- the sleepless nights, the sore nipples, the poop-- soo much poop.
you're not the only one that feels like crap, just the only one who can admit it. there's a book, if you're a reader, called the dark side of love-- it's about embracing the fullness of love which sometimes includes hatred and especially resentment of our children.
your baby will be well loved, you'll be a good mama, but don't think this will be last time you'll resent that little boy.
i hated HATED! being pregnant and it was easy. i had zero pains, zero cramps, although i might've had a leaky cooch- that mucus plug thing at the end- yikes!
i also hated breast feeding. but maybe you'll love that part.
we cope with this discomforts differently. some women think they're bad mamas for feeling that way, i say you're better for admitting it to yourself and your friends- even if the only ones who actually hear you are on this site.
you're one of my favorite mamas here. just relax.
p.s. rethink your psychologist??
at least throw that damn book away. better yet, poop on it and give it back to the psychologist.
i took a childbirth prep class, and i too remember people being afraid to admit they were scared. whenever someone mentioned fear, everyone else took a giant dump on their honesty, including the instructor, by insisting that there is nothing to be afraid of. i distinctly remember one woman who didn't come back to class, her last class she stated like a declaration that she was scared, and listed all the things she was scared of and the reasons. no one had a comeback, everyone was just silent almost as if they affirmed those fears then those things would happen.
p.s. love the word shipoopy.
ecactly it, just being too afraid to admit fear..
your about to PUSH a BODY out of your VAGINA...
Thats lots to be nervous about!
~Seriousness is a sickness; your sense of humor makes you more human, more humble.~
yep...liars...100%!
Its a love hate relationship, with the bean in your tummy...regardless of how much these women DON'T complain. I used to find myself thinking "oh what a sweet little being this is going to be!" until suddenly he'd flip over and jam his foot under my ribcage, sending me into chains of tearful cursing and "why the hell is this hapenning to ME?!"
You are NOT alone, dear MM. You're not fucking up your kid by being "ambivalent". What the HELL?!?!
and here...our not-so-secret. the entirety of motherhood(i'm learning)..just kinda sucks sometimes. Its beautiful, its a miracle, and its the most lovefilled,selfless thing a woman can do to bring a new being onto the earth..BUT it kinda sucks sometimes. It just does. If it didn't, we'd take it completely for granted and be constantly breeding without thinking twice because life with children is a breeze. Ahem. not so. This tiny motorboy, he will be your son, your moon, and your stars...but it's going to suck sometimes. and be frustrating. and take you to the very outer limits of your patience.
And that is okay. A-OK. what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?
Love to you , Mama
I just gotta say- don't sweat the idea that ambivalence about pregnancy will lead to complicated birth which will lead to psychological problems for motorboy. I really don't buy this thinking at all. It's quite popular around here these days and caused me quite a bit of guilt when I was pregnant cos I spent a lot of the pregnancy being incredibly anxious and I thought for sure this would affect The Wee. Well, I see no signs of it! She's incredibly laid-back and chill kid (well, as much as you can be as a toddler! HELLO, toddler tantrums!). So yeah, I just don't think it really matters. And adding that layer of guilt = ugh. We don't need that. So try to let go of it (harder to do than to say, I know!)
You know, on the women not complaining / you feeling like you are the only mama to feel resentment- you are SO not alone!!! These women, who knows, they may be uber-reserved and don't complain to anyone except their best friends or their partners or something. And sometimes women feel like they CAN'T or SHOULDN'T complain, that they need to be superwomen...this spills over into motherhood- it's hard for some people to admit that being a mom (parent) is HARD sometimes....sometimes you resent the heck out of your kid, at the very same time as loving them to bits and pieces. It's totally normal to feel that way. At least I think so, and I'm sticking to that story!
You know you can always come here and vent away and complain and stuff and we'll totally get you!!! 
Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. -- Emily Dickinson
You want to do what you think is right and what matters to you, and if other people don't like it, as my father would have said, they can go fuck themselves. -- Amy Bloom
The best thing about childbirth? Not being pregnant anymore. Really. The condition sucks almighty dog's balls and I hated it both times. It's like an alien has invaded your body and you don't know yourself anymore. I have always been comfortable in my own skin except for the 20 months or so I spent pregnant. It isn't the weight or the hormones or the kicking inside, it's all of it. It's giving your body over to public displays, losing control of your bodily systems and faculties and functions, spending massive energy just gorwing a person, getting psychologically prepared, all of it. So 'eff em all. Throw the book out, be hostile, you've earned the right. Those happy go lucky mommies are wasting alot of energy on denial and repression. Get in touch with your own experience and know that the best part is ahead of you.
I used to tell myself all the time I was pregnant that "crack whores can do this, so can I." No offense to drug-riddled sex workers, but I used that image to remind myself that being pregnant and having a baby are totally natural phenomenon and that I shouldn't overthink it or overdo it. Let my body do the work and relax the mind. The 2nd time out, I didn't even crack a baby book. You will be fine and you are not alone...being pregnant is the shipoopiest I have ever felt. And mind you, I'm a sleep-deprived nursing mama who gave birth a month ago. I wouldn't go back. Ever.
Oh, Motormouth, where were you in April? We could have been bosom buddies. I was living through an unplanned (aren't most of them?) pregnancy, living in what I call Siberia, Montana, alone, in a teensy cabin, hating life, and constantly feeling guilty for my ambivalence and for not agreeing whenever someone would say, "Congratulations! You must be so excited!" I really, really needed someone to commiserate with. I think if I'd had your psychologist, it may have pushed me even further over the edge. Really?? Who needs that sort of talk?? THAT is the shipoopy, if you ask me.
My only pregnancy blessing was high blood pressure and bed rest a month from my due date, placing me in my boyfriend's home, on the couch, blissfully NOT working, not doing, and praying for an early delivery. I got one...two weeks early, and yes, it was complicated and scary (so perhaps there's something to those theories, but I refuse to believe it), but my baby boy and I are absolutely fine and MUCH happier now that we're not (as) connected physically.
I think the other mothers in your group are lying or have been brainwashed. I do think some women enjoy pregnancy, but most don't. I just wish the general public would stop making us all feel like when we don't feel glowing and life-giving and, especially here at Christmas time, holy.
I'm brand new here, but from what I've seen and read, you're in the right place to be validated and stop feeling guilty. I just read one of the Hip Mama books and devoured it. I'm on the prowl for more.
"Thou shalt not" might reach the head, but it takes "Once upon a time..." to reach the heart. -Philip Pullman
And she warned me that her book recommendations came from a midwife friend and she hadn't actually read any of them. I think i'm skipping out on reading any more of those books.
all the more reason to rethink the psychologist.
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I think Catalans take great pride in not complaining, but maybe that's just my perception. They have this saying that roughly translates to: ¨in bad weather put on a happy face¨.
Too bad I can't go visit my friends in València. Valèncians love complaining and exaggerated cursing. Though I don't know how forthcoming they are about leaky cooches.