clean sheet
hello hip mamas, I feel a little inhibited blogging today as there have been several negative references to a comment I made on DCs blog. I kind of took the stance that i was not going to continue to talk about this mainly cause I didn't want to add to DCs load in any way but I can't just continue blogging without referencing it. Honesty and truth telling is what attracted me to this site and what gives it its power, a power I have definitely experienced!
The comment I made that has caused so much to do quite clearly stated "in this context": by this I was referring directly to the background that Dc had described to this situation. I am not going to list specifics of someone elses life here however I was NOT making any kind of statement about pregancy, teen pregnancy or accidental pregnancy in general. I did not interpret this situation has an accident or a contraceptive failure.
As for my diamonds down the toilet comment that has been described as harsh. Maybe you should know a bit about my situation, my sister gave birth at 17 in less than perfect circumstances, I was 19 and we were both living chaotically with no wider family support. Throughout my nieces life I have been there 110% to such an extent that I took over her full time care when she was 4. I am absolutely commited to my neice and provide for her in every respect.
I would do what I have done for my niece a milllion times over and have no regrets BUT for a significant amount of time I invested a lot of energy in trying to prop up an unworkable situation, tried to pull along my sister and carry her when she had no interest or investment in changing. This is heart breaking, exhausting and, until someone wants to change, pointless. This stuff can make you crazy, literally.
This is the great lesson of my life and whenever I get the chance to share it I do. My language in my comment was direct and visceral cause it was to DC. That is her approach she shoots from the hip and I love her for it. She gives out honesty, blood and guts and thats what she wants back. She was laying her experience out on the line and i responded in kind. My experience from the fontlines, not theory or rhetoric.
maybe your experience has been different to mine thats great tell me about it! I don't mind being challenged at all. I read a few things about relative contributions or time served on this site. I am new but I honestly did not see this as at all relevant, I am certainly not new to the effects of teenage preganacy on the wider family and parenting!
DC is a huge part of why I joined this community. I personally have got so much from her posts and her current situation breaks my heart. I greatly admire her honesty and fortitiude and unflagging energy. AS far as I am concerned my comment controversy is done and i will continue to reach out to Dc or anyone else where I feel like my experience could be useful
bye guys
- medstudentmama's blog
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for sharing all of that, and thank you for choosing to do so rather than quit blogging here. but it really is ok. most of the negative comments weren't about you, and this sort of thing happens here anyway. you're sweet to set the record straight. i'm sorry it's bugged you.
and you're right, it's not really relevant how long we've been here.
medstudentmama, this is nice. you know what though, you can't please everybody all the time and you're bound to offend somebody at some time or another on hipmama. We've all done it. and once you do, unfortunately some do carry grudges and mark you as their nemesis or something LOL! like they'll start picking at you and your posts. I've found...it takes two to argue, so now, I just rarely argue back. I say my piece and I'm out.
Even me and dragonchic got into it back in the day, back when I was a right-fighter and couldn't let things go or back down and just had to 'win'. but there is no winning or being right when you politicize someone else's experience, disregard the validity of their feelings, and try to force them to believe what you believe.
I'm glad you're staying, your contribution to this board is great!
I love that you care enough to post this!
Mercury's right, it's crazy how people can get into it on this blog- I'm by nature a conflict avoider/mediator (I would guess that you are, too!), so I just tend to read people's posts and get increasingly uncomfortable as the debate escalates. It's like watching an episode of the Office, sometimes, it gets me squirming.
The debate, though, is why this site is so great! There are opinions represented on this site that you won't find in a lot of parenting groups (like yours!), so you never know how/who you could offend/annoy with your comments. It's taught me a lot about non-nuclear families (even then, I had to think about how to phrase that- does non-nuclear offend?) and the diversity of our experiences.
Keep up your hard work as a med student, mama, and blogger to a sometimes tough audience!
(maybe off topic but man, that last episode of the office was really hard to watch)
your concern about non-nuclear reminds me of my concern about the use of "childless". it is hard to find a lexicon that will satisfy everyone but i think that it is always good to try.
I have a friend who defines herself as "child free by choice" and it never fails to irritate me. Like kids are a yucky sugary additive, or mothers are enslaved. You're so right about it being hard to find a lexicon that satisfies everyone!
I've been here a little over 3 years so technically I'm not really an old timer but I've seen my share of these tense situations (Been involved in a few too!) and though I kept out of the blow up I am aware of how it all went down. I also consider DC and I good friends. We've had eachother's back so many times over the years. What she is going through is heart wrenching and overwhelming. I love that she posted about it, I love her rawness and I love that you got in there and replied to the situation. Telling your truth is one of the beautiful things about this space. I want to say RIGHT FREAKING ON mama. In all my years here I think this is the most heartfelt, honest and caring post I've seen regarding an HM conflict. You kick ass!
I also want to say to Merc, Freakin' and Filth you ladies are awesome for replying and supporting a mama. I know we can't always see eye to eye and post made in type on a computer from miles away don't always come across as intended. I love seein' the solidarity here, even under stress. Especially under stress. HM is growing and you are all a part of it.
Thank you!
lm
Hey Meds, this was a very nice post. I'm glad you are here, and I'm glad that we can all speak our truths (and disagree). I stayed out of the first post because I don't have much to offer, and I'm a bit afraid to disagree with anyone at the moment. Your niece is very lucky to have you. And you're very lucky to have her.
i agree. my friend has a very similar situation with her sister and niece. i admire her incredibly, especially the sacrifices that she has made for her niece. it isn't easy but seeing her niece and how much she is thriving, it proves that love is an incredible power. recently the sister has switched from party girl to doting mom and my friend has had the grace to allow this shift to occur, with little to no resentment. i consider both you and my friend to be amazing people. your niece is very lucky indeed.
I've only been here a little over a year, but these kind of blowups happen. There's lots of people here and lots of opinions and yeah, we are opinionated so things can get heated. I've been in amongst the shit storms every once in awhile and it's not especially pleasant!
But it will blow over, fairly quickly too. I think most people on here - if not all - can recognize that your posts were primarily in support of DC and not some kind of political statement on your part. At least, that's the way I read it.
And yeah, the whole how long have you been here and whether you are qualified- by being teenage mom or whatever- to comment, that stuff is total BS in my opinion. It comes up over and over. I guess it's a natural response to feeling attacked by someone who one perceives to be an outsider, but really, it's just stupid cos this community is created by the people who are here. Try not to stress over it. YOu are a valued member of the community and deserve to be here, blog, support and comment on blogs just as much as anyone else! 
Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. -- Emily Dickinson
You want to do what you think is right and what matters to you, and if other people don't like it, as my father would have said, they can go fuck themselves. -- Amy Bloom
as kind of harsh, but I also said I thought it was true. And I gave an example of an accidental pregnancy. But i was just expressing my point of view in terms of my own subjective experience, and i wasn't at all angry with or offended by you. I guess I pretty much think that everybody is expressing their point of view in terms of their own subjective experience most of the time here, and right on- more power to them. That's what places like this are here for.
I just don't like it when things get attacking and personal, but i didn't take your comment that way at all. I also don't think ¨seniority¨ has anything to do with the validity of a point of view. I enjoy reading your posts. Don't worry too much, I have put my foot in my mouth and had a little ass handing here too.
Tigerfish Mama
For me, the aspect of your comment that was a bit insulting to others outside the particular context was:
"Obviously I am ruling out those with learning disabilitites, acute mental health and/or substance abuse problems, the insane and those born into cultures were this infromation is prohibited."
I have had many accidental pregnancies because the typical forms of birth control do not work with my body. I have exercised my choice both ways and had a few miscarriages as well. It isn't fun. My mother, aunt, and sister have had the same problems. None of us can be categorized like you suggested.
I understand that you were trying to support DC. I totally support her too. What happened was that you went beyond the context and made generalizations on a public site that were offensive to others. This site differs from independent blogs. The blogs here are connected to form a community. I am happy you have joined the community. Just be careful making generalizations because there are always exceptions.
I was a little shocked that a medical student like yourself would fail to see the complexity of the reproductive system. All bodies are not the same so just because birth control works for most, doesn't mean all women benefit from it. So for me, it isn't political, it is personal.
That said, I am not trying to start a fight. I just wanted to share my perspective.
Thanks again for your direct and open post. Take care.
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