recieving or possibly accepting the beat-down! i'm a grandma?!
1. WOW! i am so many things today - right now, this very second. a week ago i found out that skye's girlfriend harmoney is 12 1/2 weeks pregnant. i was the second to the last person to find out - my psychic radar told him about 6-12 months ago, not to get her pregnant, because he would ruin his life and ultimately end up responsible for not only her, and an unwanted baby, but also her ENTIRE ghettoassed family. i reminded him of this over the course of the last 3-6 months and suspected about 2-3 months ago that she was pregnant, i asked him at least once, possible twice if she was, and he said no. i reintierated that they should be using condoms, and he said they were.
7 days ago, my radar forced to me to ask him for the 4 millionth time, and i was right. i am hurt, devastated, disappointed and angry. i am also: excited, happy and i love this little boy, who i call tiger, tigger, or even tig. this legacy in my family has run through the last 4-5 generations, i was also a teenage mom. i'm getting over the shame and embarrassment, he has no idea what he's done.
i asked sharene last week if i should have known, if statistically he was bound to do this, like we all did. she said absolutely not. as a boy, and after years of witnessing scott's lack of support in my life, and my FRANK discussions about sex with him, there was no way to know that he would end up in the same boat. she assumed that he would do the complete opposite. SURPRISE to the world, that he didn't!
i am ashamed, and feel a bit defeated. she asked me to try not to think about it at all this week, she said that she was mostly worried about me, trying to take this one on. she reminded me that the person with the strongest will, can bend the outcome of the situation, and i know she's right.
she also reminded me that i was the last one to know because between harmoney, skye and her mother, they ALL knew how i would feel about this, and didn't want to hear a "no". how sad and frustrating is that? they have nothing. skye left scott's after 3 months, they were barely communicating with each tother and it didn't work out. skye continues to pull his 16 year old immature shit, at 19.
he picked two fights with me this weekend, the first one happened as he was moving his stuff in, without any discussion as to what was going on, etc.
both were over not allowing him to drink beer in the house, my standard rule for a variety of reasons. he also threw it in my face that he was upset over taking care of mars and contributing to the household, both of which he agreed to!
he is fucked, they are fucked, and we all know it.
2. and now for something both ridiculous and humorous!
I'M expected to wear these, at 37?!!!
3. i am a foxy bitch, period!
I CHOOSE to continue to wear these, instead:
these reek of at least normalcy, don't they?!! and slight sex appeal, when I'M wearing them, right?!!
4. i am not a victim, nobody is. i live by this motto. what else is there?
5. i have $11 in my pocket until tuesday when i donate plasma again - $5 of that will go to counseling. my son has needed help and has refused it repeatedly. what is with people? why do people choose to beat their own heads against brick walls? i am so fucking sick of this mentality, you have no idea. anyone who is not committed to healing, or self love, needs to leave my world, immediately! i mean it. self healing and love are COMMITMENTS. you do this, because you need to do it, and you know that you and everyone around you benefits from it. give me a freakin' break people!
6. so we finally wrapped up andrew's film - what a pain in the ass this last project was! andrew's addiction has been haywire and luke threatened to not even show up last night! andrew had the audacity to be rude to me when i was shooting the camera and i had to tell him to cut it out. this film will still be the best out of the whole class, we all know it.
because he failed to plan anything out, we made 3 attempts to shoot the final sequence, over the course of 3 different nights! too boot, the actress had us waiting in the seattle freezing cold until 1230 am, only for her to bail out at the last minute! douches! totally unprofessional and a waste. no apology from andrew, of course. he's a horrible director and very talented, but wasted all the time. he wasted the teams time and energy, i would NEVER do this. i'm glad that it's over.
7. last night i watched a great guerrilla documentary: "blowtorch betty". they were a kick ass all girl rock band, i'm sure that shades knows about them! watch it!
8. i'm going to murder the gym today!
9. i managed to rake in almost 3grand for aids alliance last week, in spite of all this current hullabloo.
10. success - this is what i'm aiming for:
i received an A- on my "desperately seeking susan" thesis. and after speaking to my instructor, he said i had "producer chops". this meant the world to me.
11. into the future!
love you - no matter what! thanks for reading this blog, i know it was challenging to digest!
your friend - christyx/always - DC
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wow, DC! just, wow. That's scary and exciting all at once.
I know you're worried about Skye and you feel somehow responsible. I know cos that's what we do as mamas. But you did so much right in raising him the way you did. This is on him. His responsibility, his life. He has to screw up royally and be gloriously triumphant on his own now. And having a baby, well, that might be both things at once!!!!
Anyway, you get to love this new little one without any of the weight and hard time of being a parent to him/her. You will be one kick-ass, HIP grandma!!!! That baby is just going to LOVE LOVE LOVE you.
And you will always be sexy, even if someday you have to wear those diaper underwear things...and that day is very far away! Meanwhile, keep rocking it-- and I am sending you BIG LOVE
Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. -- Emily Dickinson
You want to do what you think is right and what matters to you, and if other people don't like it, as my father would have said, they can go fuck themselves. -- Amy Bloom
Aw, dc. So many emotions surrounding all this...
of course they didn't tell you right away, you've been warning them to avoid this...! But now you know and you're still there for them. I'm sorry it's making you have all these conflicting emotions...
wish I knew what else to day. Hang tough, sexy grandma.
you're right - emotions are running high for me right now - this situation surpassed "loaded gun" when i had to ask skye what was going on!
nobody wants to be the "bad guy", but i think you understand where i'm coming from.
being a grandma at 37, is freakin' insane!
i appreciate your support, thanks for reading this.
hearts,
dc/cX
wanted to add my support to you DC...
It looks to me like you need to be heard, no matter what, just be heard so you can sort it all out.
My thinking is that sometimes we don't need to pick it apart, it's a tough situation, it's also none of my business.
my business is supporting my friend, someone who has supported me in the past, regardless of what she thinks about my personal choices.
I have "DC loves you" written on my bulliten board near my desk and I remember the support I've heard from you in the past when i've gotten moody and whiny.
I think about how you kick ass and that you reminded me that I too kick ass.
Just be you, I love to see it! thanks for you outspoken voice.
**Breathe**
sending you tons of love, dc! I'm here for you, listening. Will try to *listen* more.
So hard to have to bring up abortion - but you were right to do it. It's good they have someone in their life ready to speak the seemingly unspeakable, you know? I'm sorry you have to be that person, cos it's not pleasant.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed this is a wake up call for Skye to grow up a little. This happened to my brother- he was still not grown up at 32 when his son was born. I never thought he would stop being a stoner, drifting through life without responsibility, living from hand to mouth - but oh my god, he has grown up SO much in the last three years since his son was born. Maybe this will happen with Skye?! You can hope....
Love you!!!
honestly, the hardest thing to face was that my advice didn't even apply to their situation after 12 weeks, they knew this, and as far as i'm concerned, they planned it this way.
skye's denied it, but i don't care - you don't wait 12 weeks to "find out" if you're pregnant, as he claimed. he also claims that she knew at 8 weeks, if this is the case, it still would have given them enough time to handle the situation.
what was everyone so afraid of? abortion is a reality - and it's to be used in situations like this!
there were at least 3-4 other adults who knew before i did - i didn't receive one phone call, from anyone. skye tried to say: "mom, i didn't want to tell you because i knew how you would react".
i told him point blank: "who the fuck cares how i'm going to react?" - and i meant it! when it comes to teen pregnancy, there is only one way to react! with your head! this has nothing to do with me, this has to do with an unborn child.
thank you for seeing the situation realistically - i appreciate it - and you're right - hopefully he will mature.
surely, picking two arguments with me about not being able to drink beer in the house, is not a hopeful sign!
i respect what you're saying about your brother - but in the case of skye, why should it take bringing in another unwanted child into the world to make him change? wise up? grow up? i think it's horribly sad on his part.
on the positive side, i'm glad that your brother made it.
love,
christyX
Having been a teen mom myself and now having three teens, I know the fear of this. I'm sorry. You know your people are right when they say this is on S and H, not you. Your life is moving forward you are manifesting your dreams and skyes fuck up is not going to be what sets you back. I know that if one of my kids gets preggo in irresponsible circumstances (like I have, every time) I hope I will not try to make it into my fault or something I'm responsible for, and I hope you don't either. If/when the song shifts I want to hear about that too. Vibes to you and yours coming through thus stro ger in ways you don't even know yet.
i really appreciate your kindness, thank you for your amazingly supportive words!
i am crying, again - i haven't slept properly for days, time is just running into itself.
i am devastated, and i don't want my son, harmoney or their child to suffer. nothing seems to really make sense.
sharene has been so helpful, she's encouraged me to feel through this situation, really go through every aspect to get to the other side of it.
i don't think that i have enough courage to do it, i'm so weak right now, i can't even think or be "straight". if i had a partner here, it might be a different story. if i wasn't so hell bent to start up a career right now, or anything else that i'm attempting to do, or actually "doing" it might be different.
i am busting my ass here!
to stay focused, wrap up my last of the quarter, tomorrow. this has been way too much.
and if I'M saying that, you know we're in trouble.
thank you for listening and for taking my heart into consideration.
i appreciate your candid response about your own life, and decisions regarding pregnancy.
i am dying, here.
love,
christyX
You are only a few years older than me! I can't believe this...wow. They just have to learn for themselves, but this is HUGE. Fuck, why didn't he listen?!? Of course, maybe he did most of the time...as I know with my pregnancies, you just need one time.
We are here for you, stay strong & keep us posted. How far along is she? And, oh goddess, her ghettoassed family, too??? Fuck.
Also, us Hipmamas probably have baby stuff we can send to help them out. I know I have a MeiTai I'll be done with soon.
On the positive side, that rocks about your project!! Go you!
good question - i have no idea why, it's very upsetting. i'm not sure where this leaves them. i can say that it's an excellent example of what happens when you're children grow up and of no fault of your own, something bad happens, that could have easily been prevented.
thank you for offering to send something, no doubt, they'll need support and help.
sharene has suggested that i don't offer anything, until he asks specifically for my support. this has mostly to do with the fact, that as a man, he needs to provide.
and he needs to learn now, what that means.
AND, they need to feel the "sting" of the situation, i have no idea what life lessons he came here to learn, and i can't bail him out, or he'll fail to learn them.
thank you for the movie support!
forever,
CDX
Hello dear. Wow. Heavy news about Skye. It's still fresh remember. I know it hit you like a ton of bricks, anyone in your shoes would have reacted the same way. It will be a long hard chaotic - at times- road but this is his path, he has got to walk it now. And yes you will have to be involved because you are his mother. Sigh. But babies are blessings no matter what drama comes along with the parents who brought them here. And who the heck knows if anything you could have said/done would have prevented it? In the last few years one thing I have learned is anyone is capable of anything at any time. No matter what their upbringing, circumstances, and mental capacity. No beating yourself up. This was because of his choices and actions. You did the best you could. Period.
And moving on, wow, great news about the Madge thesis getting kudos. You rock. Me and baby girl danced to 'Substitute for Love' today. You know me, my fav album of course is Ray of Light- so many gems on there and this is no exception. Here is the link that will make you smile. Enjoy, you deserve it. Sending big virtual hugs, hang in there and breathe mama!
i appreciate your love and support, thank you for your ongoing love and encouragement. madge rules, you would like my paper!
i need to make this easier for myself, and i swear i will.
i think we're good enough friends for me to agree to disagree with you - i can't see the "blessing" in another teenage pregnancy in my family. i tend to believe that there are no real "accidents" when it comes to pregnancy - people have unprotected sex, and then a new life is brought into this world, by an act of sheer carelessness or perhaps, "failed contraception".
either way, there are options that intelligent people can make. i hate to break it down that way, even in the midst of my own family situation, but it's true.
drama and children don't mix! i can't stand the thought of another unwanted child being born into the world, and the reality is what my mother described it as: children raising kids? this shit is nuts!
i'm hurt because i honestly thought that i would be the last in my line to do this, and i got off extremely lucky. i have a bucket of street smarts and apparently a hidden analytical side that can bail my own ass out, any day of the week. this is not the case for skye, right now, today.
i hope you know where i'm coming from - i just refuse to make this situation all fluffy, there's nothing fluffy about it.
at the same time, what would i say or think if someone posted about this crazy shit?
i have no idea.
i'll stay positive about what realities these kids face, and i'm already putting my boundaries out there - because i can't really help, in the practical ways that they'll need help.
i'm being strategic about it.
forever,
dcx
after i wrote that i thought maybe i shouldn't have said it that way. and reading your words i can see i was right. i'm so sorry to be insensitive and i completely see where you are coming from. it's a shit situation, no doubt about it. not fluffy, no sir. bringing a child into the world is a grave situation. there are consequences if kids who are unprepared and kids themselves are doing the raising. i get it. i guess i was trying to see the positive side of new life coming forth. any chance they've talked about adoption? i haven't read the other posters yet. anyway, hang in there. and boundaries are good. good for you for setting them upfront.
Nice ass! 
There is clearly a lot of complication, and I'm really glad that at least -someone- brought the option of abortion up to them (sorry that it had to be you).
I also, though, despite the drama and complication, want to say congratulations! You and your family are at a milestone, one of those magical places where things shift and change and growth abounds. I wish you the very best, including a strong and responsible father as a son, a healthy and cared-for grandchild, and grandparenthood however you want to rock it.
i can only say thanks for the nice ass compliment!
take care - christyxdc
I'm guessing the beer fights weren't really about beer, but about adult decisions.
Honestly, DC, this sucks ass pimples. And I worry about this shit ALL THE TIME with L-Dawg. She'll be all of 18 tomorrow.
Anyway, hang tight and forget about the granny panties!
"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
shit - this is what i'm talking about! thank you!
after spending 10 years in the sex industry - i was the best at sex education and to be completely honest and fair with myself - regardless of my past line of work, he got more than the average kid his age. i always went above and beyond, no matter what!
i took it step by step, age appropriately and the hard hitting facts were known and discussed by age 10.
i don't know what to say.
as for the granny panties - i'll take you up on your suggestion!
forever - and thanks for being a friend when i need it the most!
your dragon!
velma - you and i have been friends for a long time, and i love you dearly, and the boys.
but after reading this, i don't know what to think.
this is NOT political, this is personal.
if another person see's fit to tell me that this is directly or indirectly "okay", or a "blessing", i have no idea what i'll do, or say.
when this happens to a person, it has nothing to do with "tables", "society" or even a fun game like, volleyball. this is about my feelings, what will happen to the child who didn't ask to be put into the situation in the first place and a HUGE mistake - one that skye has admitted to, in his own words.
this is about REALITY, what is tangible and what "ownership" means. this is what is a good idea vs. what is plain stupid/not real idea that should be brought into manifestation.
i understand that you're coming from a place of compassion, as was everyone else here, whether i agreed with them or not - but, when it "happens to you", it's a completely different story.
i disagree, this is their fault. this is their situation to deal with - and you know what? it's temporarily living at my fucking house, and if i had the option to run right now, i would.
does it have to be at my house? no, that's my choice, for the moment. and you know what? if there was even the slightest bit of gratitude from ANYONE in the situation right now, it might be a different story or feeling.
you know who it might be "okay" for to have a baby at 17? maybe sarah palin's daughter, and you know why? because she has a bucket's full of money to pay for it.
and you know who will end up paying for this child? a 37 year old filmmaker who is hell bent on getting to hollywood. i'll do it, and you know why? because nobody is harmoney's family will have the decency or sense to do it - or the desire, time, effort or even MONEY to back them.
this comes down to practicality, common sense, desire, drive and MONEY.
plain and simple.
metro-goldwyn-meyer, sony or better yet, miramax.
you know what will be okay? when i take my kids to disneyland in 2-3 years again, and i have a nice dinner with skye at the expensive "pirates of the carribean restaurant", when we can sit back and have a good laugh about all of this. that's when he can actually enjoy a $6 beer and i'll pay for it. AGAIN.
nothing makes this okay, i know the parties involved, and neither of them are ready to commit to such a huge undertaking, life changing you-know-what and task.
and when it runs in your family, you're apparently and completely fucked - because even with the best preparation, it can rear it's ugly head.
i'm hell bent on getting down to the bottom of this issue, i don't want this to happen to mars.
i wish that nobody ever had go thru this again, i wish that all teenagers wouldn't get pregnant.
not a PC statement, but when have i ever cared about that shit.
a year ago, it was harmoney's mom who insisted that she didn't want them sleeping together in my home, on her first visit. i agree & respected that rule and tried to inforce it - she also claimed that she tried to be a "friend" to her daughter and the "cool" parent, and that her daughter had been on the pill since she was 13. all lies.
i was the parent that when i was first introduced to her and had her over, i showed her mars room and reminded her that NEITHER of us wanted them sleeping together in my home - she was only 16! *this was also told to skye prior to them coming* she lied, *they both did* said okay, and they ended up doing it anyways.
this is an excellent example of the integrity and quality of the people involved.
does this sound like an ideal situation, regardless of age, to bring a child into?
this is a house of moron's!
this same woman apparently has no problem with supporting her daughter's insane decision to have a baby, and i would assume, also thinks it's okay to ruin her future, and my son's.
the politics are the least of my worries, the politics sound like a nice little pretend nest egg, right about now.
i call it, like i see it, especially when it comes to my family. this can't be sugar coated, it won't help anyone, especially me, if it is.
i love you - thanks for reading this.
take care, christyXdc
What a nightmare.
I read through everyone's response and appreciate the honesty of your replies. It sucks to be where you are right now and you deserve the time and space to say so.
The kids need to know what this is really going to mean for their lives, beyond the fantasy. Perhaps impossible to impress upon teenagers who couldn't really imagine what having sex could mean.
And it sucks that no one really took the idea of abortion seriously until you stepped in. It sounds like you may well be the only adult in this situation. Now is also the time to think about what you want. Grandbaby or no - do you want this baby? Those kids need to know what you are and are not willing to do. You have hopes and dreams that need fulfilling - are you willing to trade them for the baby?
A "yes" isn't a sign of weakness. You seem like the sort of woman who finds life and beauty in a lot of unlikely places. And a baby is ultimately an easy place to find life and job.
That said, is there any talk of adoption? There are a lot of good families out there longing for a child. This year I have received three requests from friends and friends of friends to recommend them should I hear of any birth parents looking for adoptive parents (they figure as a pastor I stand a good chance of hearing about pregnant people).
Good luck and peace as you figure out what comes next.
hello DC, I am so sorry about this news. I am with you 100%, anyone who says things like "accident" in this context, in this day and age and in the western world is crazy! Obviously I am ruling out those with learning disabilitites, acute mental health and/or substance abuse problems, the insane and those born into cultures were this infromation is prohibited. Fortunately for your son he doesn't belong to any of these groups so he has to cop to it. I cannot fathom your pain and frustration.
I read some of the comments and there is such a wide range of opinion. I think the idea of you "choosing" between your career and your grandchild is erroneous. Now more than ever you have to commit to yours and Mars' growth. Doing that isn't rejecting your grandchild its paving a path that one day he/she will run down to meet you and his/her path will be that much smooother because you have gone before.
All the stuff that is directly influencing your grandchild right now is beyond your control, i.e. how his parents choose to prepare themselves financially, physically and emotionally for his arrival. Let me tell you from one who went down this road with a teenage sister until people are commited to their own growth any help you offer them is like throwing diamonds down the fucking toilet. i don't say that out of bitterness or anger just experience.
Keep your eye on the prize DC and well done on your paper.
The first time my dh and I got pregnant we were using condoms the whole time, and just had one condom failure at what should have been a totally unfertile point in my cycle. I really wanted that baby, but we realllly were doing everything we could to avoid it. I mean who would think that a condom slip on day 5 of my cycle would lead to a miscarriage.
That said, I do agree that you shouldn't have to take this on YOU, and the comment about throwing diamonds down the toilet, although harsh, is totally right on. I've watched my parents bend over backwards trying to prevent my nephews from suffering the hard knocks of my sister's teenage pregnancy. Of course, in order to protect the grandbabies, they've also had to protect my sister, and the results haven't been at all pretty in terms of her personal development.
If you let this baby become your responsibility that would also mean letting his or her parents remain as childish and immature as they are now.
It's not your fault or your responsibility. I'm sorry you all have to go through this, and i think it's understandable if you're feeling totally pissed.
Tigerfish Mama
I don't post on here often, and so didn't feel like I wanted to comment on DC's personal post. (But I wish you the best, DC!) I did, however, want to say that your comment pissed me off. I think that you can't possibly know much about women if you think it is that hard to get pregnant by accident. This was just..so heavy handed. I'm not here to start a shit storm on DC's post about her personal life, so that's all I will say. I just wanted to point out that your comment really upset me, and I'm not typically super-sensitive. So. Next time, maybe think before you post, unless it was your intention to be hurtful.
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this is on him, you're right - sharene has said, and will continue to say the same thing, until i can really accept it.
you know the saddest part? the part that NOBODY wants to discuss?
is that even my love as a freakin' "sensual senior/sexual granny" doesn't change a damn thing.
and i mean it.
i totally understand and appreciate what you're saying, but the fact remains that i was the ONLY adult who broke it down to skye and suggested an abortion! and this is ME thinking of my grandson, who i absolutely DO NOT want to suffer!
this was and will be 100% what's best for him, i could honestly careless if both harmoney and skye make the horrible decision to fuck up their lives.
this is about him!
noboy will pick up these pieces, adults are so full of shit when they say: "weigh out your options". what does this mean to a kid who is totally irresponsible and stupid?
nobody was cut and dry with either of them, and funny enough nobody accept for me loves those kids enough to tell them the truth or to look out for their futures.
stupid, girl, i tell you! this is heartbreaking, and i'm going on with my life and plans.
one of the few positives in this situation is that sharene pointed out that my family legacy, doesn't involve "grandparents raising the kids". this is so true!
i appreciate you reaching out to me, right now - i need it.
hearts,
christyXdc