I am meant to be alone. No, I'm not. Maybe for right now, though.
So. The whole poly quad relationship? Over. Soooooo over. I'm still in love with A (the husband) but I know that he can't give me what I want--a stable life, more attention than about four hours a week, another kid, a ring. There are about a thousand reasons why it didn't work out, starting with R providing really half-assed care of my DD. Anyway, I'm getting out. Signing a lease on a SUPER cute apartment on Wednesday. Super cute one bedroom, great location, good neighborhood. I'm excited, in most ways. Glad to have My Own Space again. Not exactly glad to start over, but I think things will come together in the next few weeks.
Over the last six weeks or so, I've fallen in love with a good friend of mine. It sucks. I told him over a month ago that I had feelings for him, and he's been Mr. Mixed Signals ever since. He just kept saying "I don't know...I don't know..." and being completely inarticulate about what was going on. Meanwhile, we've been dating, for all intents and purposes. Had a couple of hot makeout sessions.
He says he is honestly interested in a relationship with me, but feels he needs to be single right now. Gave me the "It's not you, it's me" line--to which I said that line NEVER means that, and he said that sometimes, it really does. He said it in a way that made me believe him. He's pretty sincere, he's not an asshole intentionally. Anyway. There's tons of chemistry, great conversation, I love learning from him and how I feel when I'm with him. I'd even settle for friends with benefits, but he's of the mind that that's too complicated. I have a feeling that my feelings for him will end up cutting me off from the otherwise great friendship that we have. We hold hands all of the time--tonight, IN THE PROCESS of talking for the umpteenth time about us, he instigated the hand holding at least three times.
He keeps saying "I don't know..." and then saying that he needs to be single so he can go on this mental journey of self-reflection and growth. He needs to study for the GRE, apply for grad school, read, play guitar, and just be alone for at least a few months, he's said. Which I guess is fine, and I want to stay friends with him, but it's too painful for me to keep hoping he'll come around, and any time I talk to him I hope he'll come around. He keeps bringing up the conversation about us, and I keep saying that it's fine, and I support what he needs to do, etc. But HE won't drop it. Which tells me maybe he's not sure? I frankly think he's just being a coward. And I'm fucking sick of it, because I want to be happy; I want to find someone to share my life with.
25/MN and WA. Queer, veg, single, AP mama to DD2.5.
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let that guy go. he's either not into it, or the relationship would be full of indecision and weeniness.
what about your house? did you sell it or do you still have tenants?
what pressure for the poor guy.
no, i get you and i agree, he seems like someone who's so apprehensive it'd be maddening.
funny, i probably will have a 50th anniversary, and that depresses me.
It sucks when someone is being that way. Just doesn't sound like he's in the right place for the two of you. This kind of ambiguity would drive ME nutso (and has, in the past. make time/space for me or see ya later-- I tend to be kinda black and white about it all, but not everyone is like me, I know)
Glad to hear about the super cute apartment, hope you are liking WA, despite the sitch with A and co. not working out like you wished.
Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. -- Emily Dickinson
You want to do what you think is right and what matters to you, and if other people don't like it, as my father would have said, they can go fuck themselves. -- Amy Bloom
things keep on moving for you. This time of year is hard in general. The apartment sounds great, and you will find love.
and I refuse to sugar coat this :
1. In rare cirumstances do I believe that men are able to be friends with women. Sorry, but its true. My best friend is a man and struggled with his own feelings of frustration and desire and jealousies. He got over alot of it over the past 17 years, but its literally taken 17 years to get to this point to where he still wants to bang me, but knows its not ever going to happen. If we weren't so likeminded and naturaly reclusive individuals who share alot of the same weirdness and disdain for society and weren't natural born nihilists we would not be best friends, who knows- we're kind of stuck with eachother by default cus we're such assholes, maybe? Regardless, your so young and sweet but I don't believe in just friends. Men, unless they are gay will usually do one of three things:
a.wants to hook up, relashionship wise or sex wise, but they want to hook up
b. they hope someday to hook up
c. they are using you as a surrogate partner or doing a or b until they have a girlfriend, and then they disappear on you while maintaining the friendships with men in their lives that are far less inferior and many times complete jerks and bad friends, but they keep them around
Sorry, but I don't believe your dude. Sounds like a situation where he doesn't want you, he just wants you to want him. Men don't have alot of options. They aren't used to being persued, and when they are, they usually mop it up like pancakes to syrup because attention from a girl they aren't neccessarily interested in, is better than none at all.
People like to say that I am a negative nancy. But I don't believe thats the case. I just prefer to be pleasantly suprised by outcomes by expecting the worst.
After years of believing in polyamory, I am retired. I am now 33, have seen enough people fail miserably at it, and I no longer advocate it. Sure, maybe, but when the shit hits the fan, I have seen some serious pain, not to mention financial crises, it turns into almost a GD reality tv show with people practically joining alliances, and unfortuantly, kids are usually involved. And its like, " Oh hey! Aren't we special! Aren't we one big happy family!" And instead of little Annie or Billy having their heart broke by their cool step dad disappearing a year later, their stepdad, step mom and siblings? Not worth it. Maybe I'll get in trouble for that, cus you didn't ask what I thought, I just really think you need to re-evaluate the whole poly thing and ask yourself how many long term couples with kids have you ever heard of? My bet: none.
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Tenants, all the way. I actually like being a landlord.
Yeah, I've kinda gotten to that point where I do think that he's interested, but I don't want to deal with someone who has that kind of an issue making decisions about something he WANTS to do, good lord. But it bums me out, because he's so damn cool in so many ways. So hopefully there's someone even cooler, or equally cool who's enthusiastic about me instead of indecisive. I just don't want to wait another ten years for that person to grow up.
I mean, I thought about it the other day: I'm 25. I probably won't live to hit 80. That means that realistically, I will never have a 50th anniversary. THAT depresses me.