mixing feelings
so, over the weekend i posted a little rant against my imperfect husband.
i was feeling tired and overwhelmed and really couldn't maintain a non-emotional perspective.
then i got some fresh air and looked at the blue sky and felt much better. looking at something so expansive makes you realize how small personal tragedies are and how fixable they can be.
so we are once more working on our relationship. we get lazy with each other. and the stresses of living in a foreign country where we don't speak the language well plus being extremely isolated on an island shouldn't be discounted. we are moving cross country in three months, have a lot to do to prepare (save money, find a place to live), plus a new baby and grad school. overwhelmed is too small of a term. but i can manage. we can manage.
thank you for allowing me this space and being so supportive when my marriage hits rocky points. i need to remember to write more when it is smooth sailing. i'm afraid i'm a fair-weather hipmama. i'm sorry for it.
thanks again. take care.
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There was an article in the NY Times magazine on Sunday. It's a light read, but it made me think. I spend so much time and energy trying to perfect many areas of my life, but I rarely dedicate myself to committing to make my marriage better. It's often the last area to garner attention (especially with babes around). Even when relationships are "good" they take a tremendous amount of work. But, why wouldn't they? Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am not living with an extension of myself. My DH has his own issues, his own stresses, his own baggage and his own image of what "life" should look like. And being partnered forces me to be a better person because I constantly have to check myself. It's not easy. In fact, it's really hard. But it makes me better for being accountable to another person.
I also understanding using hipmama as a venue to deal with issues. I, for one, don't like to vent to my friends about my DH because it seems like they always remember things long after I've forgotten. I hate that. That's why it's nice to vent to the interwebs. They are more forgiving!
Hang tight, mama.
is that the one? it's an interesting read.
i'm glad, greentara, that your mister is working on shit with you. i know sometimes i get into a tizzy about a person before even bringing it up with them and when i do they're like "oh sure, we can do that," and it was all for nothing.
we joke about everything from shitty trivial matters to the most serious and even the most important conversations are peppered with jokes. they serve as both levity and weapons. there are a lot of things i would trade in about my relationship but that's not one of them.
friends mean well. i've been on both sides of that phenomenon, and it happens here too. i was going to post and say it's alright, feel free to vent, but it does happen here. by people who mean well, but still.
oh and a fun fact: four mornings after i posted my list about my man, he got pissed at the kid for being an obstinate (tired) jerk and decided to teach her a lesson about listening to advice to wear a coat by driving her to school in 20 degree weather with the windows down. of course they didn't make it the 0.4 miles to school, they only went around the block, but her glasses were fogged up and she was very upset. as was i. at that moment everything i wrote that morning became untrue, and i made my true, in-the-moment feelings abundantly clear. and i didn't play with him for a day. then the day after that he worked out another kinks song for me. that's another thing he's good for, better at it than me, letting shit flow under the bridge so to speak.
right? we don't love people for being perfect.
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thanks for finding the link for me. it is interesting. also, thanks for posting the list about your husband. it made me reflect on my own.