10 toots
Okay, so I've been having a HARD ASS time a lot of the past couple mos w/ crazy ornery
ex starting a BIG LEGAL FIGHT over NADA- and I mean it- because it's part of his BONDING process w/ any new woman he plans to marry (I mean it, this is not an exagerration, he's on #4 an I was #3 and drafted into wars w/ #2 and #1) or some damn thing- seriously dude acts like he's in a full on world war when I ask for a SMALL adjustment to the schedule he wants w/ new fiance and family and son is FREAKING OUT going over there. Creates this mythology that I am Dragon Lady (I wish Christy!) as red herring that kid is not jiving w/ the new scene at the outset. Shit I have been SO PATIENT and disciplined w/ my ex. It just IS NOT FAIR!!!!!! Then break up w/ the new man (old friend of YEARS) that I reconnected w/ a ways back. Not gonna comment on that here, but PAINFUL, yes..just not the right time/mix, even though he's a dear heart. Anyhow it's easy to feel poopy alone on a Sat night so I'm going to hit you w/ some PATS on my back and really, I challenge you to do the same...lay it out, what are you proud of this week? We need this kind of recognition!!
1. Stood up for my son against a bully when it would have been SO MUCH EASIER not to, since I take all the hits for it, the denigration, the push back, the threats. But I do it AGAIN AND AGAIN as many times as i need to. My son has a BRAVE mama and he knows it!
2. Left a relationship that had a lot of sweetness to it because as Jane Eyre says "I will not sell my soul to buy bliss" and it was not RIGHT, in my soul. Again, bravery.
3. Started a new certification program to build on my psychotherapy practice, even though there's a lot of crap and distraction and chaos going on. I got game, I know how
to PERSEVERE.
4. Supporting my son and me well as head of household. This is about HUGE non stop work in my 30s in therapy AND in the world, nonstop...I was dedicated. Now I can offer my son a good life!!
5. Loving the autistic and hurt and cutting and angry teens that come to see me..w/ an open heart.
6. Having fun w/ my son, making it fun, even when i so want to just pull the covers over my head and say GO AWAY world for aday!
7. PASSION, I have LOT OF IT! That' more a a grat.
8. A lot of opportunities- that's a grat.
9. BEing raised by a feminist mother who FOUND herself at 40- that's a grat.
10. Having a sense that life holds so much possiblity, even when I'm alone and
lonely and feel a lot of self doubt...that's a grat.
Love you mamas. Please tell us what you did that was hard this week, what you feel
good about yourself. We gotta do that!
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Ah! Great to see you again, hope you are well, it sounds like it! You sound strong and mostly happy. Sorry to hear about relationship, but sounds like it was best. Be well my friend!
boy there's nothing better than hearing someone call a lady a "dragon", in a negative connotation! how funny is that? as if it were a crime to breath fire, protect the people, and fly when nobody is looking! PLUS wear tight dresses and high heels and have a successful career! freakin' jerks!
i think you're doing, fabulous period. your ex? he stays where he needs to be, in the box labeled: "history". i believe in you, you can work things out and come out on top for you and your son.
i'm sorry that the adjustment at your ex's has had such a temporarily negative impact on your son. this is 100% understandable. i suspect that he will see the changes and feel them, and with your support, sail right through them.
here is what i did that was challenging:
1. busted as the last 8 weeks in film school after not being in college for over 17 years! how funny is that?
2. had to put the ax to a member of our crew who is mentally ill and clearly struggling. she targeted me and tried to blame me for her inability to due her work with confidence and everything else under the sun. she made the situation impossible for the entire group and only two of us would stand up to her. done deal.
3. shot twice at my place in two weeks! yikes!
4. worked out when i didn't necessary feel like it.
5. spent every last dime on food this week and i'm still going to counseling! i'll spend my last $5 to get the help i need, period.
6. reached out farther than i knew i could.
7. channeled and took care of my meditation and manifestation stuff even when i didn't feel like it.
8. made a bunch of phone calls and had meetings when i also didn't feel like it.
9. fund raised when i didn't necessarily feel like it.
this is 100% the truth!
love you - CX
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You are good to write me. Such a busy 8-9 mos over here. Yes I'm sad about the break up but I feel even better knowing that I make hard decisions that answer my true heart, like you. Sorry the ex is creep x 10. I read some of your recent (not so recent) entries to try to catch up on you. I think you should block his e-mail if after telling him you don't want that kind of inauthentic pseudo friend contact. He's NOT been a friend to you, he's behaved horribly. You have zero obligation to "chat" w/ him.. he's lucky yo send the photos etc. I would even tell him if you want any updates you ened to fulfill your obligations. But I am likely behind on the whole thing, way behind! Re: school, also probably not apt anymore- I did grad school MA slowly- a potentially 2.5 year full time program at night in 5 years..while i worked full time as a teacher by day. It's doable and for me was the only way I could.
So glad to find you here!