What do you think of this? (Co-parenting is a struggle, ladies.)
So just a little background: My son's dad and I are divorced, but decided that both parents are important and decided to co-parent. He's with me for a week, then he's with his dad for a week. I still pick him up from school everyday. I'm remarried now, and I made it clear to Sexy Husband from the moment we got together that my son does not need another dad and I do not need extra help raising him. If he wants to be his friend, that's fine, but he is not his parent.
Now, his dad is engaged. Good for him, he's been so lonely. I guess I thought that Ex Husband would have the same approach to adding a stepparent as I do, but maybe not. He's been having his fiancee pick my son up from my house after school instead of him. I decided it was okay because she was in town anyway, but felt weird about sending him off with someone who wasn't his parent.
But here's the new thing: His dad and the fiancee have decided it was easier for them to have her pick my son up from school everyday on his "Dad week" instead of me. The reasoning is because I live further away from the school now and because she's in town anyway and it's on her way home. She also said she WANTED to do it. Like, she wants to spend more time with MY son? I dunno.
I feel weird about it. On the one hand, it logistically makes sense. I have class Monday nights so I won't have to worry about getting him to his dad's on time. I have class Wednesday afternoon so I won't be rushing from class to try and pick him up on time. Fridays are my free days, but I guess I wouldn't have to worry about getting the baby fed in time to leave the house to get to his school. I still have Tuesdays and Thursdays with him since we both have karate that night. So it would really make things easier on me too, I guess.
But on the other hand, I'm his mama. I usually pick him up from school, and that's my job. I like picking him up. And I really think that he should be spending his time with Mom or Dad, and with Stepparents only if both Mom and Dad are unavailable. It IS his dad's week, and his responsibility that week to make sure he gets picked up, but then again, just because it's his dad's week doesn't mean I'm not a mom that week.
Thoughts? Opinions? Not sure if I should allow it or not. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
"Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth." -Buddha
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Sorry, Mama. It must be so difficult to co-parent. I have to say though, it sounds totally reasonable to me that stepmom would want to, and be allowed to, pick up your son on his week with dad. That is assuming your son is okay with it. If she was just a girlfriend, I would say no, but if she will be married to his father I think it seems normal. My good friend is the stepmother to three boys, who she treats just like they were her own sons. She also gets along very well with their mom. I know she loves them all strongly. She's never had biological children, so those three are her world.
If it were me, I would let it go, and try to enjoy the freedom. Of course, easier said than done, I'm sure. Your son is blessed to have so many loving parents in his life.
i agree that this is a tricky situation. i know i would feel strange too if my son suddenly had another mother in the horizon. but i also think that he is lucky to have so many loving people in his life. do you trust the fiancee? do you know her well? maybe if she wants to share your son it would be better if you spent some more time with her. you don't have to become best friends but you have worked out co-parenting with your ex because you have a history with him. it would feel strange for me to have someone i am not so intimate with take such an active role in my son's life. but it is also important not to feel threatened. your role as his mother is absolute and secure.
i do think that maybe your ex and his fiancee are trying to be kind as you are busy with school and a new baby. it isn't that you can't pick up your son but if it would make life easier for you, you should try it. i am fiercely independent as well, and have a hard time letting other people care for me. it sounds to me like a positive step but i know that it comes with mixed emotions. good luck figuring it out. take care.
it seems perfectly natural for you to be looking sideways at the situation, but it also seems reasonable for him to share this stuff with the new stepmother.
I agree, too. It's a tough transition, but in the end, it works out for everyone. My kids' stepmom is freakin' awesome and I love that she digs my kids. The way I look at it is, the more people that love/nurture/support them, the better.
I co parent with dd's dad (and his girlfriend/fiance...?)
I am still resistant to the "other woman" in my daughter's life because, well, I've been there since BEFORE day one and this lady, a year or so. I get that she loves dd's dad and dd is an extension of that and I am much happier that he is with someone who loves her than not. I agree with others that the more people love our children, the better. My current take? There will be countless moments in our children's lives where we may or may not like what they are doing - but they will do it. If your son likes this woman and enjoys her company, let him have that whole time with his dad and appreciate the fact that other people love your kid.
"If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit in our hair." ~ David Sedaris
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