Postpartum Depression.
Let's just call it what it is, people. My bf'ing problems are not nearly as bad as I think they are, I've come to realize. And remember my little mental breakdown this past summer when I got pregnant and lost my job, and couldn't get another job because who's going to hire a pregnant lady? I think I'm still reeling from that as well. It's really hard for me to admit when I need help, but I'm admitting it now. It is what it is. I'm going to a PPD group on Tuesday. I've never been to a support group before, but I just can't handle two mental breakdowns in one year.
And maybe this will also help me with my milk supply. Nothing else has worked. Maybe this is stress related. At any rate, I'm just giving myself permission to not worry about my boobs anymore. Baby's gettin' fed. Modern science can work for me, and I won't be jealous of it.
Oooh, and I just realized that last sentence may be the ultimate source of my depression. I'll update as it goes.
"Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth." -Buddha
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Awwww V, give yourself a break. Even if you arent PPD, every mama is subject to baby blues...the drop in hormones alone causes most of it. That plus the sleep deprivation and worry can drive the toughest mama to depression. I'm due with #2 in less than a month and I've already made a mental list of crap I expect to happen post-partum. Christmas, shmistmas. My 6 minute showers will be cut to 3, every other day. My 3yo will likely want to move in with his grandma. And formula? Bring it on. The hubs thinks I'm crazy b/c I was such a militant breastfeeder the first time but ohmigod, now that I know the toll it can take? Bring on the formula to supplement and take over after a few months. I might have a change of heart. I might have a fluffy, rosy, kitten-cuddle adorable birth and baby. But I might also be half out of my mind and prone to...irrational....or....less than stellar decision making. So I'm giving myself permission in advance.
that is the hardest part of so many things, just seeing them! and the group is a great idea, no matter how it turns out, you will be glad you checked it out. nothing rocks more than a mama taking care of herself. our culture (mainstream AND subcultures alike) all have way too much to say about how we (women, mothers) SHOULD be and how we SHOULD do things. fuck that! take care of yourself, so that you can take care of the babes and anything else you choose to accomplish. way to go.
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
Hope things get better. Being in touch with how you are really feeling and knowing that you need help is the first step.
Sunflower the unflower
You are right we are powerful. Including knowing when we need help. Glad you have the support you need. Postpartum hormones are doozies....and it's hard as hell being parent of a newborn!
Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. -- Emily Dickinson
You want to do what you think is right and what matters to you, and if other people don't like it, as my father would have said, they can go fuck themselves. -- Amy Bloom
Absolutely positively. And it helps you realize when you are feeling better.
hey, great that you are feeling better. the acceptance really does help. it's good that you found the support group, if it is PPD it can come and go in intensity. you definitely have friends and resources 
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As soon as I admitted I had a problem with PPD, I began to feel better. As it turns out, I won't be able to go to the group tomorrow, but I think it'll be okay. I have a fantastic support system, and that includes the friends that live in my computer
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Sometimes I forget about the power we all have to heal ourselves. I admitted yesterday that I have a problem, and today I'm feeling a little bit better. I wonder if tomorrow I'll feel even better...