Stay out or Join the Argument
I don't like arguing over Universal Health care. I seem to always run across people who say things that really run all over me, and make me feel like I need to respond. Then I think--what's the point? This person is set in his/her way, and if I respond it will set this person off---Also, in regards to the specific people I am thinking of, they are always super snarky and act like I am simpleton.
OTOH, I feel like I am letting myself and loved ones down when I don't speak up and speak out about my opinions. I'm just really into peaceful living, and so far I keep having to "hide" updates from people on FB who are relatives or friends that I wouldn't feel comfortable completely deleting.
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"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
there's a risk to speaking up about important shit, but if you don't, people will assume you think what they do, or at least they'll think you believe some pre-scripted opinion that's repeated on tv. particularly with this issue, somehow the media succeeded in distorting it into two sides, when in fact there are many. you either support obama's insurance plan, or you're against universal health care. i think it's important to remind people that there are alternatives to solving the problem, and not accepting the most publicly pushed one doesn't mean you don't think there's a problem. but i get you, people will hear you and come back at you with arguments they've read elsewhere, pidgeonholing your position into something they've also seen elswhere. but i still think speaking up in friend and family situations is more effective than voting or activism. so i say, join the argument, and don't take it personally when people disagree. everyone's just working out their own opinions.
My compromise is that I stay out of conversations with my family or acquaintances when I know it will only lead to a pointless argument that no one wins. Those kinds of conversations are completely futile because you can never convince the other side. Or I'll state my opinion and then let it go. It's not worth the stress!
But on Facebook... That's my facebook page! I say what I want. That's like, my personal space. Un-friend me if you don't like it! If someone else posts something I don't like, I just let it go because that's their facebook page. And it's different when someone starts shit on MY page, too! I don't hold back at that point.
I guess what I'm saying is that I think it's important to voice your opinion, but don't stress yourself out trying to voice your opinion where it's likely not going to count. Just use some discretion in deciding when it's worth it and when it's not.
"Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth." -Buddha
this is strange to think about, really. i have the same "what ta do" issues with speaking up online. but then when i think about it, there use to be a time when speaking up for what you believed in was only done face to face with people. now, we have THE INTERNET, dundundunduuuuun, dundundunduuuuun.
so for me, if someone asks directly or as a collective question to all their "friends" on line (esp. facebook), "what do you think?" then i will take a moment to answer if the mood strikes me. otherwise, i typically don't feel it is worth my time to argue/debate the finer points of my beliefs and politics with acquaintances or friends (esp. friends i speak with IRL) online. ESPECIALLY if it causes any anxiety on mine or another person's part.
the only people i really want to have a convo about politics and religion with online, are those i invite or who intentionally invite me to chime in. and if i put my stuff out there, i do it knowing it may cause me some stress {or a good hearty laugh} if people who disagree chime in unexpectedly or with poor taste.
on my facebook friends list, i have a lot of old highschool friends who i was friendly with back in the day but don't "really" know. a lot of them are conservative and religious and let it be known through the fb blurbs. when i'm in a mood, my fingers get twitchy and i have to hold back from commenting on their stuff! but i don't do it - not because i don't want to "speak up" for what i believe, but because it seems self serving to an asshole degree to knock down what they wrote in their own blurb from, lots of times, their heart.
to let it be known where you stand, generally, and leave it at that. most people aren't interested in nuanced discussions of issues, so when you come back at a general statement with a very fine point, i think they feel picked on.
just an observation from both sides of this issue.
but on the other hand, internet is a great venue for this sort of discussion, with less strings attached. i mean, there are lots of places where disagreeing gets you flatly and stupidly insulted (i'm thinking the comment section on newspapers' web sites where an article about a car accident will elicit comments about obama, and the requisite calling of that person stupid... etc) but forums and boards do have a lot of potential for people to really work out their positions. potential, that is. not many places actually achieve this, but the potential is definitely there.
definitely not on f*cebook though. or twatter. or maybe they do, i just haven't seen it.
yeah, i feel like i have worked out lots of stuff thanks to communications on the internet and continue to use this medium for that very reason. i will say, when it comes to politics and religion, i tend to learn through reading more than participating. not that i never participate, but rarely. i think intention is important, if someone intends to push buttons, well, i just can't gel with that motivation. if it is more about letting the person with a different perspective know where you stand, or possibly educate them, that's cool with me. the thing is, it takes some skillful, considerate writing for good "intentions" to come across clearly. a skill that most people don't have, they tend to come off as eager to argue, this is what makes me shy away from really getting into political and religious threads on any internet space. people can be ruthless on the internet, more so than in person. i get too emotionally involved {this means if i even so much as feel a slight pang of annoyance - i'm too involved - 'cuz HELLO, don't really know that person and i'm getting worked up for what reason?}. i would suggest if anyone else feels this way, to not get involved with those convo's either. but if you can do it with emotional detachment, go for it. have at it.
also, as far as letting people know where i stand, when i'm not asked directly, it feels really egotistical. i dunno why, but it doesn't sit too well with me. i'm speaking in reference to spaces like facebook or twatter. not that i never do that, just let someone know where i stand, i do. but yeah, it feels more about my ego than about caring what that person thinks and knows. there are more opportunities for this kind of ego move on the internet than IRL. its like, the internet has turned us all into self-righteous egotistical humans who just want to be heard. by strangers! self included, here, people.
but we've all seen people who make it clear who they are without being a dick about it. that's what i'm referring to. just let it be known and don't defend it or argue about it, or try to use it to tear someone else down. whenever i notice someone who succeeds at that, online and in flesh, i think it's really cool. they're very secure, they know not everyone agrees and they let other people be who they are.
respect. totally, love reading stuff from people like this. 
i learn the most from those kinds of folks, who you can tell, for what-ever reason, they are not trying to change minds, but state their position/information.
in my head i call them "the truth as i see it people."
we can get way esoteric here and talk about how people get that way... and i know you'd be down with that... but it'd be a hijack.
you get into people reading what they want to. you have a choice in most instances, believing the person has good intentions, or believing they're being sarcastic, disingenuous or picking a fight. for the most part when people respond, it's to their own intentions. people looking for a fight usually find one. that doesn't mean you should avoid topics, that's the definition of complacency. it means you shouldn't let people walk over you for what your opinion is, imo. i'm probably merging this topic with my recent tension here, but what usually happens is when you express something, someone who's insecure about what they think tries to tell you what you meant and why. then you clarify, and they call it fighting. then you say "you're the one who's fighting" and now your fighting over who started fighting first, and you're not even talking about the topic anymore but yourselves. if you can avoid that pitfall, talking about even charged issues shouldn't really be a problem.
see that is the thing, i would hardly consider someone, self included, complacent because they choose to not get involved with on-line debates/opinion sharing. it seems absurd to think a person could walk all over another person THOUGH THE INTERNET. LOL! if anything, i consider not playing into the urge to correct and share personal opinions to be a form of discipline and self control. i actually admire my friends who refuse to get into it or feel they don't need to air to people they don't know, what they believe. i think that is pretty cool. in fact, none of my friends air their opinions on line as the norm, but the women i know are very opinionated IRL and would take on a face to face debate with zeal. i guess it really depends on how a person wants to spend there time. i'm on line a lot, but mostly here, lurking in other places, and writing. but i'm not into stating my opinions in every venue i participate in. kwim? been there done that {though, not in facebook}, HM included, and wowzah - it stressed me out. i can't be non-emotional,UNpassionate about my stuff just because i'm dealing with people on the internet. but yeah, if ya can, more power to ya.
i'm mixing internet with flesh in my analogies.
and we may not be on the same page when we talk about sharing opinion. i'm referring more to, in the online sense, having your profile show where you stand, or a glancing comment about believing in equal rights for all people. not like, reading someone else's opinion and finding the point where you disagree and voice that. the latter can be totally innocuous, but some off as nitpicking.
so i think we actually agree.
and i'm with you too on the ability to actually do it. but i think back at situations that arose where discussions about "saving babies" came up online between some of my relatives. i love them and above all i know them and i know they mean well, but i could not be silent about the fact that when laws are passed to "save babies" they are taking rights, and sometimes lives, away from women. and in situations like that, that is where i think it's very important to speak up. i had no designs on changing anyone's mind, but they had assumed that everyone felt the way they did, and i let them know that i, their very smart and very informed relative sees it differently. kind of like with my signature down there. not because i'm in love with dawkins or anything, but i think he has an excellent point with letting the world know we're here. i tried stating shit here about religion and that failed abysmally. now, i just have that little signature and i need not get into the nuances.
this is a good topic, raspberry.
fo sure, we are on the same page.
"they had assumed that everyone felt the way they did"
that is often when i speak up, too!
lately I've been choosing to state my piece and decline from arguing...to me a debate becomes an argument when people get personal, like start attacking me personally and/or telling me what to do. So when I see that happening, I disengage from the conversation. the health care conversation is especially hard because it's difficult to talk about without getting personal with it...it's like religion, money, things such as that. sometimes, though, it's worth it to hear/read another viewpoint because you can learn from it.
Online communities are easier to deal with because after awhile you can tell who you can debate with and who you can't, like in big blow-ups you'll see the same people over and over again getting into fights. it's hard to talk with them because they have a strong sense of having/needing to defend themselves, a knee-jerk response to take any differing opinion as a personal attack when it is not. I used to be like that, then after while realized I don't have to 'defend' a darn thing; other people have a right to a different opinion. and if someone does attack me personally, I don't have to attack back.
facebook is a little different because overall these are people you actually know offline...because of that, if you want to keep the relationship civil maybe just state your opinion and let it go...you can always choose to disengage from any debate that turns into an argument.
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I think online forums force me to really think about what I think/feel so that I can use words to communicate it because irl I am very verbal, and I use body language and all that to get my message across, and if I misspeak I can correct myself instantly, but online it's different. Once you hit "send" or "comment" or whatever, your "voice is out there.
As far as FB goes, I hide some people's updates because it stresses me out to read things that blame liberals or insinuate in thinly veiled insults that liberals are basically dumb, or all that death panel stuff. It's a mind game I guess, because I still go to their pages to check on them, but it's almost like since I pursued their page, I feel like I am not wanting to come to their page and pick a fight. I just don't want to have to look at it (the negative political stuff) every time I check my FB.
And when I write that it stresses me to read insults aimed at liberals, I don't mean every time anyone says/writes anything derogatory about liberals I get all weepy and internalize, but there are some comments that are aimed at me specifically or are not meant in a genuine effort to open up communication, and those stress me out.