H**ters?
My barely 14yo stepson was invited to his friends birthday party at H**ters this weekend, on our watch. Wow. I am really not okay with this. Am I overreacting? being lame/out of touch/sabotaging his development/social life? I have never been to one, so I really don't know, but just checking out their website makes me feel exploited.
What should I do here?
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So I won't comment on H**ters specifically but I will say you have EVERY right to
A). Tell DSS that you are not comfortable with it.
B). Explain that he needs to approve stuff like that in advance and that this will not be happening at h**ters but you can make other arrangements.
C). Later after the waters have calmed have his dad sit down and explain why this is exploitive to women and what that means so he can make better decisions in the future.
D). Some combination of the above or whatever you think it best.
The theme here is setting good boundaries and using this as an opportunity to help him think about the decisions he is making and give him the opportunity to make those decisions and learn from the consequences (good and bad).
Empowering him to learn from this instead of setting "rules" is a good way to keep his adolescent mind from freaking out about it for too long. He'll be disappointed but we all have to learn ow to deal with that emotion. As long as he feels supported and you stick to your guns about expecting the people in your life to respect women I think it'll work out.
Good luck!
I'm not a fan. I have been once, and the girls wore these shiny lycra hose, and it was weird. The girls in real life looked nothing like the poster girls--as in skinny, giant boobed, lots of make up...not that there is anything wrong with looking like that--personal choices and all that---
I guess I would let my kid go though, if only to keep it from seeming like this mysterious interesting thing.
Tough call.
14 year olds have bday parties at H**ters?
Holy shit I'm out of touch.
Have you decided what to do yet?
really? who doesn't know about that place??
I'm not trying to be a jerk to you at all, I just think that some parents choose to be ignorant on purpose.
WAIT! Why would it be cool for a 14yo to go to a party at a sports bar??
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that's what i thought too. "that makes it appropriate for a 14 year old?"
I don't envy you. I would say no, but I really hate H**ters.
Sunflower the unflower
they all closed around here, i thought they went bankrupt or something.
but anyway, if you'd let him go to chuck e cheese what's the diff? i'm half being cheeky with that, half not. all i know about them is you pay $20 for a burger and the chicks tie their t shirts in a knot on their back, which must feel fantastic in the car.
i don't know, you can look at it from either direction. like, the kid can go and you can put it in perspective like you already do with tv and all that shit, talk to him about how it is atht a place like taht stays in business and how they find women to work there. or you can not allow it based on how ugly and consumerist and sexist it is. i think the only bad way you can handle it is to send him and act like it's a normal rite of passage.
i think it's possible to let him go and let him know how not ok with it you are. at 14, he'd have to be in on the decision. whereas if my ten year old were invited to a place like that i'd just say hell the fuck no. or take a stand.
sorry, not much help.
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S/O talked to her and she seemed to think it was 'just a sportsbar'. In any event, it's his bestfriend and I think we've decided not to demonize it/make it more attractive by forbidding. Even so, we're not willing to drive him up there (it's about an hour away and we have other things planned for that day) so I think it will hinge on if he can get a ride with a friend. And S/O and I will both have a little chat with him about the whole scene.
Barf, yes. But he's a smart, well rounded kid so I believe he'll handle it well.
If it was my kid I might handle it differently, not sure.
Thanks for chiming in , everyone--I'll repost an update if there's anything interesting to share.