nursing a toddler
Since when did nursing start to feel more like enabling? Somehow over the past few months, nursing the now 20 month old has become more of a battle of wills, more physically challenging, and less enjoyable. I vaguely remember hitting this mark in the late teen months with the first child. She was weaned by 2.25. This little monkey seems more addicted to it than the previous one. With the first one, it was all so sweet and peaceful. She loved it, gently and tenderly. But my son seems more like he's addicted to it. He clambers up and kind of roughly pulls my shirt down or up, often screeching loudly in the process. Then he does somersaults, hangs off of me, does cartwheels, walks and kicks his feet up the wall, kicks me in the neck... you get the picture. I'm having strong urges to wean, yet this would be totally disastrous to him and the only sense of relative calm he enjoys throughout the day. Sigh. I know I can't deny him now. But by 2 I will surely start to cut him off. I'm definitely not made for nursing the 2-3 year old. That's as far as I'm willing to go. That is all... just wanted to whine a little about my commitment 
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Max was just like that! I regret it, but I did abruptly wean him. He was practically weaned while I was pregnant with Bella, then when she was born and he saw her nursing he got so excited to share his num-nums, that he started nursing at full force again. At first I was happy to nurse both my babies at the same time, but that novelty quickly waned and I was feeling downright resentful towards Max. I knew I had to stop because it was like a pang in my chest every time he wanted to nurse. I was soft and gentle when weaning, but I had to be firm because he was like a monster. It took about two weeks. Then, every-now-and-then, he would want to "try" nursing. At first I let him because we were usually laughing about it and I would say, "okay, just ONE TIME." He would laugh and say okay, and since he was 2 1/2 by this time I knew he understood me. What we discovered, as it had been a few months before he wanted to "try it," was that he no longer knew how to nurse. The boy bit me! He couldn't figure out how to do it as gently as he was before! The last time I let him join in with his sister, he was three years old. To this day, if he spots my nipple and he can get to it, he trys - always laughing and calling himself a "milky monster."
Now Bella, she is 2 1/2 now, and as gentle and soft as she can be and has always been a soft nurser. Even when she was a baby, she never experimented with biting me the way Max used too. I'm weaning her is the slowest manner possible, as she still nurses about four times a day - mostly for comfort but she is always taking in a lot of milk so she's not just hanging out with her mouth on my nipple (like Max wanted to, I swear, that kid would be happy as pie permanently attached to my body).
I'm so happy that you are nursing your baby for as long as you have! My only suggestion is to consider starting to wean now, as you can start getting him use to having some more nursing boundaries a little at a time. I wish I would have been more firm with the steady weaning for Max. I think I will always feel I could have done a better job with that. I mean, he ain't damaged or anything - but hindsight is 20/20. If you start feeling that pang of annoyance, that is your heart and body telling you its a good time to start the process.
Wait, I guess I should ask, how often do you nurse him? Is it only at night? Just for going to sleep or all through the night? Or is it an open bar throughout the day?
Good luck mama! You are doing a fantastic job with this as it is!!!!
oh i think i remember you or some other moms talking about that physiological stress of weaning. you are doing the weaning with him the way i'm at it with bella right now. it is a long process but i rather enjoy it and am savoring this last baby of mine. i have been nursing for the last 4 years so when bella weans, we'll find out if i have a wild hormone shift that brings with it depression. i'm glad i at least know about it so it won't be a surprise, you know? good luck mama! your boy sounds so much like max was when he nursed - those milky monsters.
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I have started just the earliest roots of weaning with him. Certainly "don't offer, don't refuse" was the first thing I put into action. Now I'm starting to refuse within reason; if within a minute he can be redirected then I don't do it. I also try not to nurse in the hour before dinner and between getting out of bed and breakfast; I've noticed he eats a lot more food if I don't. If he's really emotionally into the request then I do it. At at night it's still an open bar... basically after maybe a midnight and a 3am feeding, he spends a long early morning doing it on and off til we get up late. This will phase out when we start going to school (where I'll be working, with both kids going) this fall bc we'll have to be out of bed before his usual wake up time; less time to stretch out a long nursy sleepy morning.
The way he nurses to sleep is changing drastically too; it used to knock him right out but now, if he could talk, his body language seems to be saying, dammnit this isn't working anymore, this used to work. The later and later mornings aren't helping with going to bed at the right time... it's such a long process. For me it's super gradual. Nevertheless the actual last nursing and subsequent drying up of the milk that I did with my daughter still produced 2 weeks of deep physiological emotional stress. guess you can't avoid that part in the end.