i need a pep talk

You will find a place, and if you don't panic too much, you won't settle for crap and you will have a great place, or the good enough kind of place that you can transform into something great, special.

Your kids don't hate you, they're annoyed that they don't get to play next door. They love you, and they need you.

Yes, you are feeling devastated and lonely, you are in a hard hard place and nothing you can do will fix it all instantly. It's going to be a while and a lot of little things and one day you will realize that it's better, and remember that you can in fact do this. This being your life.

Cry. You are sad and lonely and scared, and it's true. You have the very best things - your kids, and you are going to be ok because you don't have any other choice. Cry and eventually you will be done crying, if you don't cry enough you won't get done. If you get to that scary shaky crying place, call someone. Call anyone who won't tell you that you are bad or unfixable. Call customer service at a store and talk to the operator if you have to. You aren't alone and you may not know that right now, but you aren't alone.

Your daughter turns four, and four year olds rock. Assy and sassy and wise and wonderful. It sucks ass that this is happening now, and it is. You can celebrate her birthday and let her know you love her no matter what else is going on in your life because she is that important.

Sometimes things suck, and that doesn't mean you suck. You aren't the failure here. This may not be Pep, but it's true and I have been to that dark limbo that can't get worse, and gets worse (repeat). I am not there now. Not tomorrow, but sooner than you think you will find a way to feel human.

Hey mama. I have been thinking about you a lot. Hoping that a path for you and your girls makes itself known sooner rather than later. I am so stunned - certainly not as much as you must feel - that this is happening to you. I don't understand why men leave amazing women, their children, their homes. I don't get how it is so easy for them to shut the door on a life filled with realness and love. I am so sad for you, my heart is holding you tight.

I'm aware that nothing that is said here will change your immediate situation, or make all the pain go away. I know this because one of close friends is going through the same divorce you are right now. Words just can not permanently ease the pain. She has a private blog, but I have permission to share it with people who I know. PM me if you want to read about her journey through divorce, as she is quite an articulate writer. She said that she spends a lot of time in divorce chat rooms, as it is easier to talk with other women who are going through the same thing as she is right now, or who have been there. Everyone, she says, processes their shock and grieve so differently.

You will find a place, take your time, as much as you can, to let the right one come to you. As often as you feel you can, focus on the present, what is going on in front of you, what you need to do right now. I know, that will be pushed aside all to often as your mind is going to wander to the past, or to the future, or to what your ex is doing - but try to keep it the moment, with your girls, with your goals that you still have and can achieve without your ex, as often as possible you can make this happen. Those quite moments when you are not distracted can be for your grief, as you do have to fight to not let it take over all your days, but it can not be ignored, either. Like childbirth, you have got to go through the pain. You can do this momma. I look at you and I can see an amazingly strong woman regardless of what suffering comes her way.

Hugs, kisses, and an enormous amount of love going out to you and your girls, huck.

i wish i had fabulous advise for you.

you will find a new place to live. you will. keep looking, the right one is about to come along.

it's OK that your kids hate you because you're trying to keep them safe. that's just OK, they'll get over it.

that just sucks about the papa. i can only imagine how you must be hurting.

sending you vibes and wishing you comfort. alaska misses you, maybe you'll get to come back soon.

i hope that you're heart is healing, i'm wishing you love and light. this is what i wanted to say:

post my second divorce it took me about 6 months to year to get on track, if i can do it, then anyone can.

my life is much happier now, inspite of being single for 2 years and having some financial struggles/challenges.

when you're ready, your life path will heal you and move you forward.

love yourself, you're worth every second of happiness and every dream you've ever had for yourself.

life/time moves quickly. nurturing, caring & loving yourself is the only way to change what you need to.

keep going - i think you're doing great!

love,

christyX