how?
after being with my husband/best friend for almost nine years. he walked out. he was mean and rude and child like in the process. i have suffered such a deep rejection, i know i will be feeling it for years.
all that, and i still miss him.
gross, i know.
since he left, every once in a while i get the sense of loneliness, of missing him. then we have talked and i feel crushed, once again by how distant he is. by how little he has to say. by how much he has left his own body, and how much he has left me.
i dont want to talk to him anymore.
any logic pushes me away, so logical arguments dont really help me get over that missing him. i feel sick for him.
any advice mamas?
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no advice really, maybe distraction as much as possible...books, movies, whatever you feel like you need to get through this time. I'm sorry.
That's not gross, not at all. It's only logical. You've been invested in someone for nine years, have had children with them. Of course you miss that. I'm so sorry mama. (((Hugs to you and your girls)))
I am sorry...
the only advice I can give you is to come visit me someday soon and let me feed you and your girls and then lets go for a hike or go to the lake. Please?
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Give yourself permission to look after your own emotional needs. I chose to try to do most of my communication with my ex husband via email, since it was easier to choose my words carefully, keep track of our communications, and avoid his voice and emotional encounters. I would recommend trying to reduce in person and on the phone contact with him unless it's necessary or desirable to you.
I know it seems impossible, but it does get easier.
Sunflower the unflower
That is not HIM you miss. Not this current incarnation of him. You miss that partner you had which he has chosen not to be.
Not that he is interchangeable. Neither are you. I gather that he will realize this someday soon and he'll be wanting you back but by then you'll be so far gone from his plane it won't matter.
On the other hand.
Oh sweetie. Mama, I'm so sorry! *HUG* You've been on my mind since all this started going down. Lovelovelove headed your way. I'm reading and listening. I get you; I've been friends with and fucking deep down, body and soul loved my man since I was 14 years old. A few years ago we almost split up and it was like I was walking around with a cleaver in my heart; my skin hurt, my heart hurt, the beating in my veins hurt. Breathing just ached. I couldn't find peace until we reconciled. I'm sure I would have eventually; had we gone through with it; but you don't wanna hear about me anyhow.
I think that right now you need to keep moving, stay active. Do NOT allow any sad music. No Cure, The Smiths, Eliot Smith; none such melodrama. You need some Sleater Kinney and some Bikini Kill and some L7 perhaps. Or whatever your penchant for angry and empowered chick rock may be.
no advice but im in the same place me and Bd were together 12 years years of mental abuse and all kind of shit and i miss him like crazy and my feelings get hurt when he dont call or i hear his new girlfriend in the back ground, my heart and my body ache for that man and i dont know how not too. i just want you to know you are not alone all i can say is i try to stay busy after awhile if u keep ur mind occupied slowly ever so slowly you will think of him less and less much love to u mama
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
big, huge hugs and kisses for you. please try not to feel bad about any of your feelings, because they're *YOURS*, and they're ALL valid. you miss the person he USED to be and not really him now, but why WOULDN'T you miss the person he used to be?! i think of it this way: you've lost a part of him that it seems isn't ever coming back, and even though he's still around he's NOT that person anymore. you're mourning for the version of him that used to be, that you used to know and love so well. this might sound crazy, but it's almost like he died, and when someone dies we don't ever feel bad about missing them or reliving memories of all the good times with them, so why should you feel bad doing it now? maybe if you allow yourself to truly mourn the man that you've lost, and acknowledge fully that he doesn't exist anymore, it will be easier to move forward.
so much love to you, huck. i'm so sorry that you're going through this and that you're in so much pain, and i wish you healing and hope and happiness. <3
Huck, it's so deep-end excruciating, grief like that. I wish I had advice. All I can say is keep talking about it, stop beating yourself up over it (it's not sick, it's normal), and know that these feelings are not permanent. You are going to get through this because you are a strong, insightful, wise and loving soul. That does not make it one bit easier, I know. Remember that there are people you've never even met who care about you (ahem).
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