I am very good at taking on the extrovert role but inside I am an introvert. I need a LOT of alone time to feel balanced and healthy, the energy from too much people can fry my circuits as I tend to be an emotional lint filter and over-identify with what other people put out there. No one of course believes me when I say this b/c I am often gregarious and can certainly navigate out there. I am excessively awkward though and say stupid things all. the. time.

hope i don't drain you. i don't think we get to see each other enough to drain each other. i know i always love seeing you and spending time with you. we do need to do that SOON. i am horrible with keeping up with friends too and am surprised when i have any left at the end of the day. I actually find you very gregarious and talkative when we are together!

We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."
from Caring For Your Introvert

LOL!!!!

Who's done the Myers-Briggs personality test? You've got to pay to take the official test but I did it for free as a part of a couple of different classes in college. It identified me as an INFP and if you read the description it's pretty much me to a Tee. I wish I could go into more detail on this test and what the results/lettering mean but I can't right now... just interested in whether other mamas have taken the test and if so, what your types are.

Some info in Introversion/extraversion:
http://en.wikipedia.or/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion

Yes I have 6 very close friends. I am not a good friend though in terms of socializing with them and keeping in contact, I tend to take my friends for granted. With the exception of 1 they are all extroverts and can be very draining to be around. They like lots of contact, especially my BFF who likes lots of phone contact. I dislike talking on the phone intensely so this has caused some issues. Some of my extroverted friends, they live in their friendships...being a friend is what they do, who they are. Like one of my close friends has a tight circle of friends (of which I am considered a part of though I don't really know the other folk all that well) and hangs out/talks to them just like on that show Friends, almost every single day. It cracks me up, who has time for that??

Another of my close friends has learned trying to get me on the phone is practically impossible so she stops by once a week or so, 'just to chat and touch bases' I don't mind because she never stays long but it cracks me up, if a week goes by and she hasn't talked to me, she feels 'our friendship is slipping'. um, wha? I guess I really don't understand the need for constant communication among close friends. For me, when I make a close friend you become like family...I have cousins I haven't seen/talked to in months, they are still my cousins aren't they? ha ha

I like joining and going to new activities and groups about things that interest me, like I am in a writer's group, an eco group, a poetry performing group (though I have yet to perform iiiiiiiii!) a quilting group, a bridge group, and a garden group. Mostly I found them online but some I found through bulletins posted, like my bridge group and garden group I found through postings at the library and a coffee shop. This is a great way to meet people because there is already the interest you share you have in common, and usually there is no pressure to assume instant friendship and you determine your level of activity. The groups are usually small so it's not too overwhelming, and since everyone is there to meet new folks people tend to be kinder and more understanding if you're a little socially weird than if they met you at work or a party or something.

I was in one writer's group I liked a great deal but I had to quit it because they were always pressuring me to be more involved than I wanted to be, like if I missed a meeting it was this greek chorus of tragedy I had to hear at the next meeting. but the group I am in now is pretty fluid and easy-going, and very helpful. My bridge group has been the best because the women are mostly a lot older than me and give me such a different perspective on life; raising children and marriage and just being a grown old woman in the world. They are restful and easy to be with, and kind. and funny! they crack me up.

Sometimes I meet new people at parties my friends have, but I am very slow on making friends with people who are friends of friends. There is this one woman I like a lot who is good friends with one of my good friends, I talked with her at parties for practically 2 years! before attempting a friendship. My attempt? I facebooked friended her LOL. well hey it's a start.

Though I prefer low-key socializing I actually like parties at other people's places (my own parties tend to be low key), usually they are so vibrant that I can be my quiet self without being noticeable, you know? as long as they are not jam-packed I have a good time. and unlike a job or school situation, I can always leave if things get to be too much without repercussions. me and Mercury Man tend to first make a beeline for the food and drinks, then slowly start interacting with people. I read Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People years ago, and basically he said just get folk to talk about themselves and they will like you. I have found this to be true more than not so at parties I just ask some questions about them. It usually takes just one or two question prompts and they are off and running but they think I am some kind of good conversationalist. Sometimes this backfires because they might want to get to know me better and be my friend, so I'll meet up at a coffee shop another day and they are surprised at how quiet I am...going on and on about how I was so talkative at the party. I'm always tempted to say No I only asked you like 2 questions and you just ran your mouth at me; it really was a one-sided conversation. LOL!

but mostly I like parties because there are always a few people I can really talk to without saying much, who don't seem to expect a lot from me or try to force me into anything. Usually they are also quiet or introverted and we can talk about books or ideas, or a nice piece of music. and sometimes at a party, very rarely, Mercury Man will dance with me. We're both so shy we have to shut our eyes! but it's so nice, slow dancing in his arms.

yah, my husband is an introvert and used to be somewhat shy. He's been a teacher for a while now, like 8ish years or so, so that has helped him a great deal to get over shyness. He tends to be quiet at home, very self-contained, but he has a wicked sense of humor and can be a very funny and loud person once he gets going. He's not very social, most of the socializing we do is at my instigation, like when we have parties and/or go to parties. Most of his friends he's known since childhood and his new friends are people like husbands of my friends, and a few folks he's known since college or met through work. He mostly likes being at home and spends his free time doing stuff around the house or riding his bike, or reading. Only very occasionally does he go out with friends though he's give all an open invitation to come out and hang with us by the fire. which sometimes happens, but usually only if I pester about it like hey call up so-and-so, see if they want to hang out.

He's a very intense person, and like myself he feels things deeply. I really love that about him.

I write so much I think i will have to answer each one separately heeeeeee!

My daughter age 20 and my son age 14 are both extroverts, which just has always wowed me. and I have been continually amazed at how life seems so much easier for them because of it. and by default, me too, because of them I've met people I probably would never have and gotten involved in good things I probably never have. I mean it's a long list of things. All my friends I met when I first moved to Cleveland, I met because of my daughter. I was a student at the time and would often take her to class with me, and she'd strike up conversations with people. Or I'd express an interest in doing something social like joining a bowling league or soccer team, and she or my older son would say go for it mom! and give me tips for talking to people. They both attract people and have lots of friends, and can talk to pretty much anybody, including introverts. It's probably because of having two introverted parents that they can sense introversion in others and know how to tone it down. I enjoy spending time with them because they love to talk and will talk about anything, including my story ideas or weird dreams or whatever random train of thought. They can get so animated, it's a joy to hear them express themselves so well.

My 11yr son is like me and my husband (also an introvert) but I would say he is not shy anymore, just introverted. I used to worry sometimes because he is so self-contained, sometimes it's like he's indifferent to other people...at school he's been known to go off by himself at recess (which I understand) but he can take it to an extreme, like he can really give or take playing with his friends, going to parties, things like that. But this is a good thing in middle school because his indifference to his peers also means he's indifferent to lots of peer pressure; so lots of the other kids think he's cool because he doesn't care what anybody else thinks. Middle school has bought out more of a desire to socialize in him though; he's been more outgoing at school, joined the band, joined in at sports during recess, and made new friends. He still prefers spending lots of his free time alone drawing comics or going into the woods, climbing trees and stuff, and when socializing he prefers to hang out with one friend at a time. I enjoy spending time with him because he can sit with me without being agitated I'm not talking...like we can be comfortable together in silence. Sometimes he helps me in the garden and we have such a good time without saying anything at all. When he does talk, his words are very concise and on point and have a lot of impact. I like how he expresses himself as well.

How do you meet new people?
I usually meet new people through friends, through work or occasionally by chatting them up in the neighborhood.

Is your SO/ex SO an introvert?
My DH is a huge extrovert. He is usually the loudest one in the room.

Are your kids introverted?
No, both are already acting like big old extroverts.

Do you also have social anxiety?
Occasionally, in certain situations. I don't like being thrust into situations where I have to relate to total strangers. For instance, in my line of work I have to interview people, and I don't like doing that at all. I also dislike going to the playground. Over the years, I've discovered two main stressors for me:

1) Opening myself up to new people on a personal level. Growing up, I had terrible issues with boundaries and letting people walk all over me, use me, disrespect me, etc. It's taken years of work to learn how to assert myself, and learn how to weed out the people who aren't going to contribute anything positive to my life. I don't mean this in a snotty way or a cliquey way, but more in terms of self-preservation. I like to think I've gotten pretty good at it, at this point, though it doesn't come easy. For this reason, I am more cautious than I used to be when it comes to making new friends. Now I will take my time and really get to know someone before I get too involved. This has helped me to create a lot of good, solid friendships at this point in my life.

2) Getting to know new parents. I am still struggling with this one because I tend to find myself obsessing over things whenever I socialize with other parents. I end up worrying so much about whether the kids are getting along, are my kids being polite enough, are they judging the food that I'm offering, etc. that I can't relax and be in the moment as much as I'd like. Then there is the fear that my kid will love their kid, but I won't end up having anything in common with the parents, and we'll be roped into events that will take me away from other people. So I try not to over-commit when I meet people and they want to schedule things right away.

The other issue is that I am really protective of my "alone" time. I need it to recharge. When I'm in a group, I'm "on", but I need time to be "off" too. This is why I am careful about scattering my energies too much, because these days I tend to get burnt out very quickly, and then I am no good to anybody.

Do you consider yourself to be shy also?
No. I used to be, as a child, but now I am perfectly capable of walking up to people I don't know and talking to them.

What helps you; how do you deal?
I generally keep the conversation neutral, or try to focus on something we have in common. I will also try to crack a joke or two to break the ice.

How do you feel when people you don't know talk to you?
Usually fine, unless I get some sort of bad vibe. I have always been a psycho magnet.

How do you behave at parties?
I won't just talk to my friends, I will pretty much chat with whomever is around. I like parties.

Do you have close friends?
Yes. And I invest a lot of time and energy into those friendships.

Is meeting/making new friends something you want to do?
It's not a huge priority in my life right now, but I'm open to it. If I meet someone and I like her/him, then I'll pursue it. I feel like I have a good balance in my world right now between time for friends and time for myself and my family.

How often do you socialize? I almost always see people on the weekends, and usually meet up with one to do something once during the week.

It's funny because my friends are a mix of introverts and extroverts, and I find myself adjusting depending upon whom I'm with. I am the chatty one with my quieter friends, and the quieter one with my super-social friends.

I ask because really, truly, I used to be painfully shy. My high school yearbook is full of "if only we'd talked more..." and such. But then, at 22, I started work teaching English composition classes as part of my grad school program and it occurred to me that the students would eat me alive if I didn't come out of my shell a bit. It wasn't a conscious decision but I'm 37 now and you wouldn't recognize me as a Former Introvert. On the inside, I still think of myself that way, but I'm not. I can go to a party alone, talk to strangers, have dinner parties, make acquaintences at work and have lately tried befriending my new neighbors. However, since I think I've seen both sides, I wanted to chime in:

My SO is a TOTAL introvert. I talk to his friends and family more than he does.

So far, I think our son is an introvert. He has to be reallllly secure in a situation before he relaxes and lets go. Crowds freak him out and he doesn't warm up to strangers (kids or adults) very easily. Luckily, I was a shy kid so I think I can recognize it and not judge him or try to reform him, As you say, introverts are just wired that way.

I will say that motherhood has taken a toll on my close friend circle. Haven't kept alot of them and don't feel like I have many of them. Working on it.

Minimal social anxiety...I tend to barge in and find common ground or make small talk pretty quickly. Small talk is a godsend, particularly at social gatherings or in annoying checkout lines.

I'm generally happy when strangers speak to me and I, occasionally, will speak to strangers.

There. Hope the perspective helps. Great topic!

How do you meet new people?
Usually through mutual friends or acquaintances. In this case I do much better meeting one or two new people at a time. If it's a larger group of people at once - especially if they all know each other already - that's really stressful for me. Sometimes, depending on the person, even hanging out with a friend and one other friend of theirs stresses me out. For whatever reason I find some people super intimidating while others I just "click" with right away.
I think there's a few categories that most new people I meet fall into: Intimidating- these tend to be people who I perceive as being elitist in some way; like anyone who thinks they're too cool for school. It's not that I have any interest in being cool or accepted by those people but when I'm around folks like this I feel like I'm being sized up to see if I'm sufficiently hip to even talk to. And it's ridiculous because I really DON'T care (at least not consciously) for their approval. In fact, I know that by not talking (which is what I do when faced with this kind of person) I will automatically be dismissed as them as uncool/boring/whatever. I think it's 'cuz I'm so sensitive. I've been in situations where I have put myself out there with these kind of people- tried to relax as best as possible and just be myself and have ended up feeling ridiculed or something. As much as I'm not interested in meeting some dumb superficial standards it feels like total crap when you're talking and trying to be yourself and people regard you as a wierdo or a loser. I'm sure a lot of this is also pent up stuff from adolescence. From around 5th through 8th grade I had a lot of really shitty "friends". They were groups of girls who would CRUCIFY anyone for saying or doing the wrong thing - particularly me because I think I made an easy target. I wanted friends so bad that I would apologize to these girls for getting mad at them after they had teased me mercilessly about something or other. The sad part is that I just thought that's what friendship was until I got to high school and actually made some true friends. To be fair, sometimes people I find intimidating initially are not nearly the elitist assholes I imagined them to be in my head. I know that there are times that I unfairly make this kind of assumption about someone.
Next are people I just feel awkward around. I'm not intimidated by them but I really suck at small talk - especially if it's with another introvert who sucks at it just as much. I put all the pressure of carrying on a conversation on myself and get super stressed out. With these people I will go into an almost panic if, for instance, I saw them on a bus or something. If they're a friend of a friend or whatever I will feel like I should say hi because I don't want to feel rude but then I know I'm going to be subjecting myself to an excruciatingly awkward few minutes (at least) where we will stand around with nothing to say. I've seriously turned around and walked the other way on the street or ducked into a store if I spot on of these people that I sort of know. To people who don't have these issues I'm sure it would seem like I'm being an asshole for doing that but I really just hate awkwardness THAT much. This sort of thing isn't nearly as much of a problem with the intimidating folks since I usually assume that they won't notice me or really care if I say hello or not.
Finally there's the rare people who I have a natural rapport with. I am just naturally and almost completely at ease with them from the beginning. I can't fully explain what it is about these people that makes it so much easier with them than everyone else.

Is your SO/ex SO an introvert?
NO WAY. BD is one of the most extroverted people I have ever met in my entire life. I think it was part of his appeal for me. This extroversion is definitely part of what made him one of those people who I was immediately at ease with. He's very good at engaging with almost anyone. It's one of his best qualities (not that extroverted = good or better than introverted but in BD's case he genuinely likes most people and makes it apparent he likes you from the moment you meet him).

Are your kids introverted?
I think it's too early to tell. Sebastian only just turned 3. Sometimes we'll be out at the store and he can't stop saying hi and trying to chat it up with strangers. And lately this is especially true with kids. He will often want to approach other kids and talk to them. At times he seems super extroverted like his dad - like we'll be at the park and he'll go up to a kid or group of kids, spread his arms out wide and triumphantly exclaim "I'm SEBASTIAN!!!" as way of introduction. I LOVE this. On the other hand, sometimes he will ask me to take him over to talk to another kid and when I do so he gets all shy. He's excited to meet the kid, you can tell, but he'll sort of be hiding behind me for at least the first couple of minutes. So yeah... I don't know yet.

Do you also have social anxiety?
Bigtime. See above long ass answer to how I meet people. I think social anxiety is one of those disorders that a lot of people who don't suffer from it think is bullshit, like ADHD or OCD. Partially because all of these are over-diagnosed and over-used by people in describing themselves. BD had OCD really bad so I know what the real deal looks like - I also know quite a few people who will say things like they are "totally OCD" and believe that because they do some quirky things or like to have things arranged in a certain way. I'll always want to say, "yeah, I'm sure you get pretty annoyed when things are out of place but if a fork falls on the floor is it going to cause you to have a complete meltdown where you have to wash your hands for 40 minutes after picking it up? THAT is OCD. You're just anal and a little neurotic." (I don't think I've ever said this out loud though)
It is similar with social anxiety. I've heard a lot of people say they suffer from this because maybe they don't like crowded bars or parties. Lots of times it's introverted folks who believe that social anxiety is a general description for introversion. But they're totally different. Social anxiety can be an almost crippling problem wheras introversion is just a personality trait. I know introverted people who have no problem talking to anyone but they are just more introspective and prefer much of the time to be alone as opposed to extroverts who, more often than not, crave company - the more the better. It IS possible to be considered outgoing and also be an introvert.

Do you consider yourself to be shy also?
Yup. And yes, I think this is distinct from being an introvert and while I'd say all people who suffer from social anxiety are shy, not all shy people have social anxiety.

What helps you; how do you deal?
I used to deal with this with alcohol. Any time I was thrown into a social situation with people I didn't know (to the extent it was possible/appropriate to drink) I would get PLASTERED. For a while when I was in college I would say I was borderline alcoholic. Obviously that's not the best approach. I rarely drink these days... I don't know... I guess I deal by CONSTANTLY telling myself that my fears are irrational and that it's not the end of the world if I can't connect with certain people. I try to accept it about myself the best I can but it's hard. This is especially difficult at work. I will do almost anything to avoid having to talk to someone on the phone rather than send an e-mail. Usually this is okay but sometimes I NEED to actually speak to a person and I will put it off for way too long. Or fear of approaching my boss or a co-worker to ask a question has led me to make stupid mistakes that could have been avoided. I've often thought about going on meds but I'm already on zoloft for anxiety/depression (which helps with general anxiety but not really the social aspect) and adderall for ADHD (which I also totally legitimately suffer from). I don't want to go too crazy with the psych meds. And funnily enough it's my social anxiety that prevents me from asking my psyciatrist if he thinks I could benefit from a different anti-anxiety/depression med that will also help with the social anxiety. I WANT to broach the subject with him but can never make myself do so.

How do you feel when people you don't know talk to you?
It depends on the person and the mood I'm in - my internal response varies widely based on these and other factors and I've already gone on way too long!

How do you behave at parties?
I'll usually try to stay as close as possible to any friends I have there. It's much easier for me to be social with a friend there as a sort of support. Whenever I've gone to parties as the guest of someone who is the only person there I know I need to make a real conscious effort not to stick desperately like glue to that person for the night but it's hard and I can't always help it. I've been in situations where I've gone into a near panic because my party companion has to go to the bathroom and I'm forced to be on my own for a few minutes. In college, as I said above, I would deal with this by getting SUPER drunk to allow myself to talk to people. And yeah, I still sometimes use alcohol as a social crutch, to a lesser extent.

Do you have close friends?
Yes, I am fortunate enough to actually have quite a few close friends. Unfortunately lots of them live far away and/or are very busy so I don't see any of them very often.

Is meeting/making new friends something you want to do?
Yes, totally. I've never had a desire to have a TON of friends. BD thrives on this. Friends are constantly entering and exiting his life... I don't want that. I get too attached to people. At the same time I can't remember ever not being open to forming new friendships and at this point in my life it's something I sometimes actively crave since I can't see so many of my existing friends on any kind of regular basis (like, more than once or twice a month).

How often do you socialize?
Almost never. At work, sometimes. But there's lots of days that I'm chained to my desk all day and the only person I have any extended interaction with all day will be Sebastian. Sometimes that really gets to me but at the same time I will do things like avoid going into the kitchen at work when I hear that there are people in there because I just don't have the energy to have to interact with anyone.

OMG... sorry for my super long answer everyone!! Obviously it's a topic I have a lot of thoughts about.

How do you meet new people?- I can talk to people in small groups (2-3 others) or one on one. If I'm at the neighbourhood playground I might ask "so, do you live around here?" or how old someone's kids are.

Are your kids introverted? I believe so.

Do you also have social anxiety? I used to but it's not so bad now.

Do you consider yourself to be shy also? Yes, but not as much as I used to be.

What helps you; how do you deal? I gave myself bravery lessons a few years ago where if I was too nervous to do something I'd pretend I was brave and do it anyway. I also give myself downtime and don't overschedule things as I get frazzled easily and need quiet time to regroup. I stay in hotels when I can when visiting people instead of at their homes. I carry a book.

How do you feel when people you don't know talk to you? Sometimes alarmed, especially if what they've said doesn't make sense to me at first and I feel anxious and insecure. Sometimes I don't mind, talking to someone can help time pass by more quickly when you are waiting around sometimes. I'm also reassured by the knowledge that most people are friendly, and cheered up by a friendly social interaction.

How do you behave at parties? Akwardly. I hate parties. I always thought it was because I was too ____ (shy, overweight, clumsy, whatever I was feeling insecure about at the time), but I am realizing now they are just not. for. me. Even if I'm feeling content and happy with everything in my life a party is an obligation for me to get through. Ugh, parties.

Do you have close friends? Yes! I need friends, they contribute a lot to my mental health.

Is meeting/making new friends something you want to do? Occasionally but not often. I tend to have a close group of friends and then I don't really feel like I need more. Sometimes it's hard enough to find time to spend with the friends I do have, schedule-wise.

How often do you socialize? Hmmm, hard to say.. I have acquaintances and coworkers I chat with every couple of days, but I usually try to spend time with friends a couple of times a month at least.

I once heard that you can tell if you are an introvert or an extrovert from this kind of scenario: You come home from a long day at work and you are exhausted. The phone rings and it's friends who have gotten together and want you to go out with them. Do you think "yeah! Be right there!" (extrovert) or "oh no, I just want to stay home!" (introvert).

I've heard of similar theories of introversion vs extroversion and the energy you talked about. What recharges an extrovert can overwhelm an introvert. I've also had people assume I was stuck up when I was shy as well.

What interests me is that I've heard that in some cultures calling someone shy is considered a compliment and here it is sometimes considered more of a difficulty.

I kind of like being an introvert. I think it's a good thing to be content to be alone at times.

Looking forward to this discussion.

Yeah, I was going to wade into that discussion but then there was too much! I was a little overwhelmed!!! hahaha

It's funny. I am an introvert, definitely. In terms of the definition that I 'recharge' by being by myself. I like reading, doing stuff on my own or with my husband & baby.

I'm not *particularly* shy in that I'm fairly comfortable in talking to people I don't know, as long as it is in a small group and I can make eye contact and there aren't a lot of distractions. Once I get to know you--- I will talk your freakin' ear off!!!

BUT I do suffer some social anxiety- walking into a room full of a BUNCH of people I don't know is really hard for me! This is a problem for me now that I am a mami. Cos the friends I already have don't have kids. And I feel the need for a mama/parent community. There's a fairly good, in other words, developed alternative-y, attachment parent community here in the Twin Cities and even a place to meet up and a number of playgroups. But I have to force myself to go. And I often come home and cry cos no one talked to me and I didn't do a good enough job talking to a bunch of people who already seem to know each other. But there is still definitely a tension between wanting mama/parent friends and feeling like I don't want any more friends.

I tend to be very close to a very few number of people- I've never done the whole lots of acquaintances/casual friends thing.

I deal with it...um...I dunno. I guess I don't deal with it/do anything to help. I'm thinking about taking some herbal stuff but I have to think about it, talk to my naturopath, etc.

I dislike parties with an intensity, unless I already know most of the people there (like my wedding! LOL!). I will only talk to people I know. Most often my husband or best friend if they are there. I get all stressed just thinking about parties.