deep breathes

my weekends seem so easy. i work almost straight through friday afternoon to sunday late night. i have a few hours on saturday morning to myself. those hours are golden. i relax and feel myself. i seem to feel free of relationship drama or the stress of raising three small daughters.

today is monday though, i havent even been awake an hour yet and i can already feel the anxiety moving in. this is what i am thinking:
*how will we exchange the kids today? i still dont want to see him.
*when will we exchange the kids? how much time do i have to get shit in order here?
*thinking about telling him soon to get his shit outta here.
*dreaming of having my own little place for me and my girls to live, but locked into our responsibilities with owning this property.
*financial independence
*selling our property
*getting a divorce
*making my house clean for guests on wenesday
*where will i put all 6 grown ups and 2 kids on wenesday?
*what will i cook for everybody? including one vegan, one vegetarian
*there is a show at my house (did you guess it, on wenesday.) its gonna be out of this world, but it can be tough getting everything together.
*then i leave the house guests and go to couple's therapy on thursday morning. i have wanted to skip it, but there are a few things we should probably work out.
*is that when i tell him he needs to get his shit out of the house?

lump in my throat
deep breathes
i think i am crying