How it goes

So, after my last venting post, I have returned to update you on what has been going on.

Last Friday, a few of the mothers at my school figured out that I was pregnant. The news spread like wildfire so I was forced to finally tell my boss that I was expecting. I explained my plan: when it is time for my maternity leave, my native speaker husband will take over the position for a while. He accepted on the terms that my husband do a couple of trial classes to make sure he can do the job. This means I get to take time off after the baby is born and not lose my visa or salary. We did the trial classes this week in an unexpected way: I got the flu (along with my 2 year-old) and the boss asked my husband to sub for me. My husband wasn't too keen on the plan and even tried to back out a few mornings ("Just take a Ricola, honey") but he saw it through and Nico and I are getting better. I really think this is a positive thing as it can lead to an improved sense of self for my husband as well as taking the stress off of me.

I am trying to work on being my assertive and being a friend to myself. A lot of my homesickness stems from the fact that I am very lonely and I need to address that. I typically put others before myself and since I am about to have a third kid, I need to find a healthier way of caring for my needs. One of the ways I am doing this is through an online writing workshop. It is going okay though I haven't been so involved since I got sick. I don't like the short deadlines since I don't have a lot of extra time and need contemplation time before I get down to the actual writing. But it is a step and it is forcing me to examine what I want from this life. If I can get some clarity on that point it will be well worth it.

I'll be going to the doctor this morning. I was told by some of my adult students that there is a maternity clinic right across the river from my house with an English speaking doctor. And I can see it from my bedroom window. It's a small river. So I am going there this morning with Nico in tow to see what we can find out about this new one.

Tomorrow off to the city on a long ferry ride to get our new visas so we can stay another year here. Since finding out about my husband filling in for me, I am much more enthusiastic about the prospect. Also, we have reservations at a hostel in the city I used to work in for six nights during my summer vacation so we have that to look forward to. Then the baby in the fall. And hopefully a trip to America in the winter. A lot of positive points on the horizon. I'm still debating about returning to my online grad program and I need to figure out how to study Japanese more. Hopefully now that my health is on the mend, I can get my head in order too.

Anyway, again thanks for the lovely support and advice. This is really the only place I have to pour myself out without worrying about the consequences.

Take care.