what i had not expected

last night he came over and hung out. when our girl woke up in the night he wanted to go up and comfort her. before you knew it we (our girl, him and me) were all in our bed cuddling. after she fell back to sleep he told me that he wants to work it out. he wants to take it slow, but he has decided that our relationship means something to him.

i wasnt expecting that... at all. sure, i had hoped for that moment for so long, and it really caught me by surprise.

there were points while we were talking that were tough, but it was remarkable how present he was at times. for almost the last year he has not be present enough to talk about anything at all, so it was so great to be there with him.

the next portion will be difficult to navigate. i want to learn how to talk together differently. we can easily trigger each other and both of us want to move on from that viscious cycle. also, having space between us has been good, so figuring out how to find time to be together while also taking space is a challenge before us.

i dont feel the giant sigh of relief right now, there is a lot of hard work ahead, but it is remarkable to feel that he wants our marriage.

he also wants to move back to the woods. right now, i am willing to try just about anything to put our relationship back together. living in town is fun because i get to ride my bike everywhere and i hardly ever have to be in the car. the woods are peaceful and quiet (unlike our place where the neighbors are fighting in our yard at 1am most nights.)

i am willing to walk away from this place that we have created together... the copperworks. it is so super cool and so many people are craving what we do here.... but i would rather have our marriage than a cool scene.

deep breath
here we go.