The saga of a couple's "discussion"

thanks for the hugs, lapis.
i actually don't really have any gut feelings about it. maybe all my typical intuition is being blocked by outside factors. like the recession. the recession is weighing terribly on me right now. i want to be able to support ourselves and i don't think that is absolutely possible in the states right now. here we are at least stable and able to take care of ourselves. but it can't last. either if we get the boot when i tell my boss i am pregnant or if we stay. living in japan for the long term without both adults being able to work (it is very strict in this regard and under the table money only goes so far) and without a strong command of the language is not only unsustainable but it is reckless. that is not a gut feeling but my logic at work. i am trying to find some way of balancing our love of japan with our personal ambitions and our family's needs. but it isn't easy. what is though? thanks for the support and i think i will have some more news on the matter soon.
take care.

thanks, raven.
my husband is often a knob-pull though i either don't admit it or choose to ignore it for his better qualities. he's a very kind and sympathetic person but he does not get what being pregnant means. he thinks that because this is my third time then i can just fly right through it. even when i had extreme morning sickness (for all three pregnancies) he was a bit resentful of the amount of time i had to spend being sick. his aggression is definitely passive aggressive and having grown up with a mother who specialized in that form, i just naturally bow to it. she was also a hypochondriac along with one of my sisters so i actually go the opposite way and never let people know how severe something is. so in some ways i am to blame for him having high expectations of my health and abilities. but is it so wrong to hope that your partner will have the sense to see what you are doing? maybe.
either way, thanks for your empathy. it means a lot to me.
take care.

It is definitely isolating and difficult for non-expats to understand. We not only live really far from our family and American friends, but from our Japanese friends. We lived in a really nice central city in Japan before but now we are on a little rock where we haven't managed to make any good friends because not that many people understand what we are about. Has to do with the small town mentality, I suppose. Also, most of the people with things in common have kids at the school where I work. My husband is the only stay-at-home dad in the group and while they are nice, it is just too different from their way. Being a working mother I am used to not making any friends but I get that it is hard for my husband to not have any interaction during the day except on the playground. He is almost obsessed with the idea of moving from here back to where we were before but the jobs are simply not there right now. And I can't get a job with a baby coming in October. So we are supposed to wait until next spring to move but I worry that with a newborn, I won't want to keep jogging on that treadmill.
I do worry about making any big decisions while I am pregnant and emotional with hormones. Sometimes they take me by surprise. Like the other day when the new 3-4 year old class was being too wild and a couple of them were so mischievous that afterward I actually cried.
But last time, I did probably make the decision to return because I thought it would be nice to have the support of my family and friends but because we had been gone for two years, things had changed. Well, my mom hadn't. She was still as judgmental as ever and I wondered how I had ever thought she was going to be supportive. And now the only other option on our horizon is to return to her house. So, yeah, tough decisions.
You are right. It is the general daily happiness that makes life good. We typically live in that mind but now we must face something and I guess neither one of us are good at that. But it is the weekend so we can all be together and enjoy it. Exercise is a great idea. I need to get on that.
Thanks for your supportive words and good advice. Good luck to you and your family in Mexico. It sounds like you found a balance that works well for you. Take care.

I know it is odd not to tell anyone. Actually, that was taken care of yesterday. It was chilly so I wore a light cardigan and buttoned a couple of the top buttons, not realizing that this emphasized my growing bump. No one noticed until the school assembly yesterday morning when I had to get on stage and sing happy birthday to the students and one mother got suspicious and shared her idea with the other mothers. By the end of the day, everyone in the place knew. Except, hopefully, the boss who is the reason I have been keeping it a secret. You see, he's bipolar (not the best quality for a preschool principal, I know) and had been going through one of his bad slumps for the past few months. We went through six secretaries since the end of March. So the situation is delicate. And I couldn't tell my family until I knew what our future was like here. So yesterday set the ball in motion. I sent an email to the woman who serves as my representative (she got me the job and helps me through any misunderstandings with the boss), told her the situation and asked her to help. I told her that I figure there are two choices: either we leave in September or I stay and my husband substitutes for me while I take a few weeks of maternity leave after the baby is born. I have actually wanted to tell them for a while but my husband persuaded me to wait until after my worker's visa had been renewed (thinking of my temperamental boss). But the process has taken longer than anticipated. In fact, yesterday, when everyone found out about the pregnancy, I also got a notice that I could return to the immigration office for my new visa. Funny, huh?
Anyway, thanks for the advice. Take care.

Thanks for the vibes. I do think both of us have to come to terms with this new one. I have been in my journals and at night when I sleep with my hand so I can feel it moving. But he isn't interested. Which I suppose is normal since it isn't happening to him but considering we already have two awesome kids, why wouldn't he be excited about more happiness? But since he is the one who has to tend to the newborn, he's not so keen on the idea. Of course, I take care of the kids too but I suppose that is expected. I think we are dealing with a lot of gender role issues in our marriage. I think it funny how impressed people are with the fact that my husband stays at home and changes diapers. That he will cook and clean. Sure, he isn't consistent but compared with most Japanese husbands, my American husband is golden. When they are praising him, I don't mention how breakfast and dinner usually fall to me, how I spend the weekend doing laundry and really cleaning the house (not just tidying up), how I tutor the boys in the evenings and weekends. So I think what is happening is that I am too tired to protest or have any high expectations and he is getting a swollen head from the fact that compared to a bunch of workaholic, heavy drinking, chauvinistic husbands, he is amazing. I mean, this sounds bad. I am not being very nice about my own husband. He is a great guy but we need to figure out how to take care of this family, together. So yes, more talking, more figuring out what to do. Until we are blue in the face.
Thanks for the advice. take care.