I'm making a bad decision, mamas!
Crap! Crap, crap, crap. Why am I not stronger for this shit? Why am I a people-pleaser? Why don't I listen to my intuition! A guy's coming over, and I have a bad feeling about this. We were going to get together a few months ago, and drama happened with his ex before it happened (drama involving me calling the cops to file a report because she was sending me some seriously bitchy texts before I even SAW the guy). I walked away, and then a few weeks ago he emailed and texted to see if it was a maybe again. I was in some sort of state of undue openness I think. Aaargh.
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He's sexy, but he's evasive with information. Deflects honest information-seeking questions with tantalizing banter. Didn't tell me about this ex feeling she was still a current partner, if you know what I mean.
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UPDATE
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K. Not as bad as I expected--not nearly. I'm sure my intuition is right, because it always is. Why would I have no real reservations about this set-up with how many other men, and then get serious reservations with this guy? Am I racist? (He's biracial, but culturally definitely the blackest man I've been with.) It was chill, felt pretty good. There's got to be something I don't know, yet.
25/MN and WA. Queer, veg, single, AP mama to DD2.5.
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uh, because he's evasive and has a wife/girlfriend. oh yeah, you're racist as hell.
come out
is incongruent with what you see via text from her, and he's coy with simple questions. i would have a really hard time getting past that. i'm wondering why you feel like this reflects some problem with you getting close to people, rather than just paying attention to your observations. not judging you on it or anything, i'm sure you'll do what's right by you, i just wonder what's complicating it in your head.
come out
I think you're picking up on his glaringly obvious signals that he's into drama. I'd drop that like it's hot. You are not that horny.
but this guy is clearly evasive and that's a perfect red flag to move on. none of the issues with men apply here. evasiveness means he's hiding something, a threatening ex means he lies to her and she's probably not an ex at all, and this is all before getting to know him. YOU are not the problem here, he is.
come out
if you get the feeling that this guy is bad news and is being dishonest with you, don't feel guilty for looking out for yourself. i know the feeling of doubting myself in relationships and wondering if i'm just being too protective, but in this case it sounds like you have every reason to be suspicious. you don't need to apologize for having instincts; they're there to protect you!
good luck, L. this relationship shit is tricky, eh? it goes back to my whole woe-is-me "is it really worth it?" thoughts. and seriously...why do i get the feeling that this stuff would be easier to navigate if i were in relationships with women?? i know it's not true--i've read your posts about your girl trouble as well as your boy trouble-- but sometimes i can't help but wonder if being with a chick would mean some kind of security and ease of relating that men havent offered me lately. i'm starting to hikack, sorry...but this might be a good topic for another convo!
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He says she's an ex who is also his kids' mom.
I can't figure out why I didn't just stick to my guns and say "hey, you probably are an awesome guy. But that drama is just too much for me to risk, I don't care if she's over it now."
24/MN. Queer, veg, single, AP mama to DD1.5