Weighty Waiting

I am insufferable right now. InSUFFERable. And I know it. You poor things, all six of you readers, all of a sudden reading a flurry of posts right now because now, the last few days, I have entered a manic crafting-writing-creating phase. I've made a new skirt, a shirt, crocheted a bowl (from pillow case scraps), made a dragonfly necklace, and some other crap I've probably forgotten about. All from stuff in my overflowing craft closet. And then I redesigned the blog and am posting and have actually been on Facebook recently and drawing with Addie and that stuff.

I love all this, I do, and I get a lot of pleasure from it. But I'm a little, no A LOT, obsessed with it right now, I can feel it (I felt this way in December, too, at the end of the last semester).

It's not that I'm entering a period of not knowing what to do with myself. I have plenty to do this summer (and please don't ask me what I do with my "summers off" the way everyone else does. Puh-lease). My dance-card is fuh-uh-uh-ull. Same with fall.

I don't think it's our current state of economic uncertainty ("our" meaning our family). Maybe I'm deluding myself, but I feel okay about that.

It's that I feel like I'm waiting for something. For an important email. Magically appearing money. High honors. I'm clicking send/receive on my email button every five minutes. Racing to the mailbox. Checking my phone. I'm up for that teaching award--which has a nice cash prize--today. It's freaking me out (the mental machinations of THAT are for another post). But I don't know. It's a weird sort of anxiety, and not even laying down on my office floor and breathing big breaths is making it go away. Maybe I need to just go into it or something.

My meditations lately have been centered around the themes "pride," "humility," and "shame."

You make the connections. I can't bear to.

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