ugh, what is my deal?!
He sent me a couple casual texts yesterday just saying he hoped noa and I were enjoying the summery weather. That was fine and didn't bother me at all. But then this morning I got a text at 8 that said "good morning! I hope you guys have a great day :)". Totally sweet and innocent, right? Well, for some reason it made me feel all crazy and smothered and overwhelmed. So I sent him back one that just said "you too" and I got back "thanks, cutie. I hope I see you again soon...I had so much fun the other night!"
And it's true; we had a great time. It was fun. But I do NOT like the fact that he called me "cutie." It reminds me of smarmy guys in bars who slink up and say "heyyy, cutie. Whatcha drinking?". And even though he's NOT a sleazy guy in a bar, the word still doesn't sit well with me. I'm almost 30; I don't think I qualify as a "cutie" anymore, do I?
He's a really good guy-- funny, sweet, kind of goofy-- but I'm by no means looking to jump into a relationship. Thinking about making out with him does make me stomach feel a little funny (in a good way) but thinking about him geting in the habit of sending me texts all the time and calling me "cutie" makes me instantly freak out. So it it just that I'm not ready for a relationship in general, or is it that I'm just totally fucked in the head and only really fall for guys that I know will end up treating me like shit? Or is this just not the right guy for me? I've always believed that if something someone does makes you want to run away, it means they're probably not the right person to be with, but now I'm not so sure. I mean, shia labeuof could take me to dinner and show me the time of my life but if he called me "cutie" I might run the other way, you know?
So am I going to end up like elaine on seinfeld? Like, "oh, I can't see him again because he likes country music" or "I broke it off because I found out he watches 'who wants to be a millionaire'" or "he called me cutie; I'm all set"?
I think the first thing I need to do is talk to this guy. He's given no indication at all that he wants to jump into anything, but the thought that he COULD be feeling that way scares the shite out of me. So I think I should give him the "I love spending time with you and we have so much fun together, but can we just leave it at that for now?" speech, which is never any fun. And what's the right way to say "so you can still come over and watch 30 rock and make out on the couch with me, but only every now and then, and you can't text me good morning or call me cutie or it's done"? I think only crazy bitches like myself think this way, so there may be no "nice" way to explain it to him.
So am I doomed to forever be an emotional invalid who runs screaming from nice guys who try to show me some positive attention, or is there hope still that I can learn how to open up a little and let down my guard?
This is why every now and then I think it wouldn't be so bad to be alone forever. Life's less complicated when you don't have to worry about romantic interaction with people. But it's also a lot less fun, and a lot less interesting, and a lot less HUMAN. Eh, I suppose I'll figure it all out eventually.
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Stop freaking out and breathe.
I would be kinda freaked at all of the texts. I don't like my phone being blown up by anyone unless there is an emergency.
So, just play it cool. Don't instantly respond to all texts. And be chill. Hopefully he will get the cue and chill himself. And you guys could still watch 30Rock and make out and do so as oftne as YOU like, but just be cool and be sure he knows that you are not gaga over him by showing that you do other things, not just hang out ot wait for him. I would think most guys would LOVE something casual.
Good luck 
being alone, for a length of time, for some people is really good. others, it can be awful. i guess it depends on your focus. how many friends you have to fulfill intellectual and emotional needs, and how satisfied you are with fulfilling your own sexual desire (instead of needing someone else for that). i think dating and parenting would be the hardest thing to get through without going crazy just a little bit! there is so much riding on making a connection, proper behavior, not wasting time, and knowing what you want as a woman, and what you need. its not just you that you have to think about, so it all seems heavier and more important. i think self satisfying your sexual needs is important. then reaching out to other people for emotional and intimate connections are equally important. unless a person can mentally separate the sex with intimacy (the two may not be mutually exclusive for everyone) its hard to just have a make out session or fuck buddy and not get emotional about it. most people can not do that. no matter how hard they try. it requires cutting off a part of your experience with them and seeing them the same as you would a vibrator - there to satisfy you. as soon as you want to satisfy them, it gets complicated and often an investment of some sort. these are just my opinions, how i see it, people can and will totally disagree with me based on their experiences. but from my experiences, if i even so much as made out with a guy, there were feelings involved - and caring about what they think - that is a feeling that caused me anxiety - even tho i tried really hard for some part of my life to separate sex and love. i know loneliness can make a person try new types of relationships, tho, just to avoid feeling lonely. i have no real advice for you. you are not alone in trying to navigate being a single mama, your needs, and relationships. i've never been there, so can't speak from experience. i really hope other single mamas speak up about this issue 'cuz it will be far more enlightening than anything i could offer!
if the dude is already creeping you out, maybe he's not the right one for what you need right now. maybe not second guessing your intuition in this case is what you need to do? it seems like a pretty strong red flag has gone up. maybe one more red flag and then bye-bye dude? good luck mama. one thing i do know for sure, you deserve what you are wanting from a relationship - 100%
PS: call my old fashion on this, I HATE THE IDEA OF "TEXTING" PEOPLE. the same as i do tons of e-mails. its impersonal. deceiving. and for me, a bit intrusive.
I get what you mean about it being impersonal/deceiving. It's weird that I can totally see what you mean, but I feel the opposite way.
I feel like, when I get a text, that I've been passed a note in study hall. It's like a secret....or something. And the impersonalness takes the sting out, by which I guess I mean that it's a little note in a bottle you can read/respond at your leisure. It allows you to say whatever you want, but the format lends itself to brevity. Brief, cute, urgent, a little mini bill-board, announcements.....I love getting random holiday texts from people who happen to be in my phone and who send out mass 'Happy Easter everybody' texts. My cousin sent a pic of his newborn with her stats a few minutes after she was born.
Maybe this is what's wrong with society, but I'm not always in the mood to talk on the phone or receive random visitors. It's nice to get little notes from people so you can conduct your business and plan your downtime.
Then again, I have like one and a half friends and I don't get a ton of texts. I did have one friend who was always waking me up by sending shit-weird texts at, say, six-thirty in the morning.
Don't be too afraid to be yourself. The alternative is always worse.
i'm kind of a luddite, i admit.
hmm i would say save the speach he hasn't really indicated he's wants to get engaged or anything more like he's a thoughtful guy and how he is thinking of you. i'm a texter and text folks like crazy the best way to get him to stop that if you don't like it is to not text back.maybe 8 is when he gets up and goes to work or whatever, i used to text folks at 5 in the am cuz i was at work already even if i knew those people were sleeping that was when i had time to say what i wanted.i think you're reading a little too much into it. weren't you one the horny mamas a few posts ago? here's a chance to help that situation.
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
Completely.
You are adorable! Of course you are a cutie! You could be 79 years old, you are still going to be cute. Take it slow. You're just getting out of something bad; I'm assuming he knows this. He knows you're a mother. He knows.
I found myself explaining all this stuff to DH when we were first starting to date; even apologizing to him - he informed me that he was quite aware of the situation. I wasn't even sure if I wanted anything at all to do with a relationship, I just wanted to hang out and get laid every now and then. Then every night. Ha!
Any man who is worth being around you is going to be cool with that. Remember this. He is lucky to be around you. You are not an emotional invalid.
Frankly, if you were up and running and totally ready to fall in love and have no issues whatsoever right now; I'd be wondering if there was something wrong.
That's good news.
Don't freak out. Don't read more into the text than is there. You don't have to respond right away (or even to every one). Its actually better that way - keeps him interested. He's not asking you to marry him tomorrow, he's just telling you he'd like to see you again. It's what good guys do.`
all that happened was that he texted you too often and with a cutie. why can't you just say that to him? i mean, if you're going to deconstruct the matter, i would personally try to go there, rather than finding out what your problem is with getting into relationships. why is telling this guy such a simple thing that you want such an issue for you? what do you think he will do, break up? give it to you? if he responded positively to your saying what you want, how would you feel about him then? would you like him more, or less?
.
secondly, i think there is absolutely nothing wrong with being turned off by a person for a reason like this. and it's funny i was going to reference seinfeld too, only i was going to cite the time he broke up with a woman for how she eats her peas. and by the way, i would not enjoy a "cutie" either. nor would i enjoy an early morning text. i would feel smothered.
come out
cutie!!! ok i had to sorry. i hate the sweetheart blech do not call me that or you have no chance in hell.but i have to say i LOve when a guy calls me lil mama or mama, not like you asked but you know.
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
i dated this guy last summer (who quickly convinced me i had no business dating for a WHILE) who was very sweet, eager to get serious and he would do that several times a week, especially the morning after we had hung out. like 7:30 am probably as he was getting ready to leave for work, send me a text that said, "good morning sweetie". i kid you not! kinda similar to the cutie thing he also said to me one time "awwww, little [my name}". excuse me? i'm a grown woman. i may be short and petite, but i can hold my own. his intentions were fine from his end but those two things alone put me off. if it feels weird, it is weird. and i get the whole paranoia that you can't be with someone who treats you nicely because you are so used to being with someone who treats you like crap, but i think too you have intuition when it's a bit much on the other end of the spectrum. it's all about balance. i swear, you post totally reminded me of myself last summer with that guy. i'll let you know how it goes in a few years when i jump in the dating pool again. [if i am ready by then...]
hang in there! it's still early!
It takes courage, but maybe a good approach would be to talk to him face to face and just simply and calmly explain that you aren't a morning-text person and you don't like to be called cutie. Everybody loves in a different way and reads love in a different way, so the kindest thing to do here is express that you were touched that he was thinking of you and that you were thinking of him too, just the words and timing hit you wrong. I don't think it is high maintenance at all. It would be high maintenance to give him the cold shoulder until he figures out you don't like the word "cutie".
***the United States is one of only four out of 168 countries studied to not have some form of paid family leave for new moms. We join Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, and Lesotho in not having that policy in place. ***
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88134/dating-101-th...
and you know what? it says right in there, NO EARLY MORNING TEXTS. so there.
"Cutie" could just be a part of this guy's vocabulary. BD is like that. A few days after I met him he left me a message where he called me "doll-face" and it completely freaked me out. It wasn't until I knew him a little bit that I realized that doll-face is the kind of thing he calls a lot of people - even some of his male friends. At the time of the message all I could think was "WHOA, slow down dude!"
Eventually I said something smart ass like "What's with the 'doll-face'? Are we in a 1920's gangster movie?" He said something like no that he just thinks I'm gorgeous. I think I laughed and rolled my eyes and said "Riiight, okay." He got the message. You could try something similar with this guy if he keeps calling you cutie.
I'd try not to sit him down for a talk unless he makes it really clear that he's wanting more out of whatever relationship you guys have than you're ready for. One or two texts the day after seeing you, no big deal. Texting sweet nothings all day long like he's your boyfriend, time for a chat.
I get where you're coming from... that all would freak me out too. Like I'll think about how I want to date around and meet a guy/hook up/whatever, but if I were faced with a guy who I even thought MIGHT want to get serious I think my inclination would be to run screaming in the opposite direction. But try to chill out and enjoy whatever's going on and deal with everything as it comes.
Good luck.
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it's been awhile since i've even kissed someone so just making out like kids was *wonderful*. i believe i was being too optimistic about my capacity to engage in "no strings attatched" sex when i made that horny mama post, though...i WISH i could just hop into bed with this guy, but if i'm already worrying about his feelings (and mine) after just hanging out for an evening and not even getting to third base, it probably wouldn't be the smartest thing to do i suppose.
but then again, if he's here and tries to take my pants off there's a chance i wouldn't say no. see? sex is complicated, even when we don't want it to be!
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