it has been so long but I need some HM advice
Hi, all! So sorry it has been so long...life is hectic and I feel I have such little time right now. But, nevertheless, this is where I turn when I need some honest, loving, and true advice. It seems petty and maybe I am stressing it too much but here goes.
My eldest daughter, who is 4.5yo, loves ballet. I signed her up, thinking it would be good for self confidence, meet some friends, and plain enjoyment. the term is coming to an end and a big recital is planned. The thing I am struggling with is the requirements of this recital: her hair MUST be pulled back hairsprayed (she has an adorable short bob with betty page bangs)
she MUST wear make-up (and this is where I am having a problem: not a little make up but a boat load: eye liner, eye shadow, mascara, blush, lipstick)
She is only 4.5! Why does she need all this make-up? It just does not settle well with me at all...I feel like it is against all I stand for. I don't have a problem with make-up, I wear it myself, but I do have a problem when children are wearing it. I think kids are forced to be adult like at such a young age and seeing her up there would crush me...
The other thing is: I don't think she wants to perform. She has asked not to go to her scheduled class as "it is boring, mummy" so I don't think she'll be too affected...
I need some HM thoughts...miss you all and I hope this finds you all well.
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you need the makeup. even in recitals. if it's on a stage, with lights, she will need the makeup. if it's an authentic (for lack of a better word) ballet academy, what they are teaching is what it means to perform, and teaching them makeup is part of it. plus, you don't see shit on a non made up face, on stage.
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the hair is the same thing. most ballet academies will dictate how the hair is done. hair is part of the costume. there's nothing weird about that.
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however, there are other types of studios, and they're more of the "pageant" variety. and the makeup and stuff is done in a creepy "that's not right" sorta way. so it's your call. if they're performing in the studio, she won't need it.
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i love what dance can do for girls. it teaches so many things, i can't even list them all right now. but it's all shit if the kid doesn't want to go. a lot of parents will push their child to teach them about following through. i don't, i let my kid quit when she got bored with it. and then there is also an evil side. the anorexia, the pressure to conform, the pressure to perform... you really need to identify schools that are like that so you can avoid them.
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to my mind, it's dancing. by definition, it's what you do when you're happy. if there is pressure, if it's boring, what the hell is the point?
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but the makeup, it's not about looking older or sexy. it's about the stage:
come out
performance, but this is not a professional performance and these are 4.5 year olds. I would not conform to those requirements. I just wouldn't. OR, if she really doesn't want to perform, then great. she can dance all she wants in classes and not perform if that's her thing. I'd rather do that than force her to do something she's not interested in doing with a bunch of requirements that make your skin crawl as a mom.
thanks. I'm completely buggered by the quandary of fulltime job, 2 kids, partner, household, and, um, self???. I keep telling myself it will get easier as they get older. I'm not on HM much any more (time) but I do check in at least monthly so I'm still around. Good to "see" you, sweet mama.
i agree that makeup is a stage thing, not an attempt to accelerate childhood. i was in ballet from 3 years old until i was 16. i always wore makeup though some of the other girls wore more (many more) layers. i actually don't wear makeup now, perhaps because i associate it with performing and i strive for sincerity. i think that if your daughter doesn't want to perform, then that is fine but make sure it is for the right reasons. good luck with this. i've been surprised as an adult to discover the benefits i received from dance. not the physical aspect but the poise, confidence, and ability to stand in front of strangers without melting. the performing aspect can get overboard, especially as your daughter gets older. i was in a traveling troupe and went to numerous competitions. i saw a lot of ugliness (especially from stage mothers) but i never thought i was going to be a ballerina (modern dance/lyrical jazz is my favorite form) so i was a bit detached from all that business. i hope your daughter can reap the benefits as well, especially if she enjoys dancing. take care.
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Thanks so much for comment...I appreciate your honesty.
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