how to tell family that you are trying?
I haven't told them yet (in fact I've only told two friends and a few doula acquaintances). I'm feeling absolutely terrified that people will have negative reactions. I don' think that is the case but I'm nervous anyway. soooo nervous that it brings me to tears! especially when I think about telling my mom.
But I'm starting to think that maybe telling my mom would be helpful. She loves me. She'll be so excited to have a new baby in the family, but I have this underlying feeling that she'll be upset or scared and wont be able to hold back from telling me. becoming a parent is something I've planned for and wanted for SOOO long. it has some serious weight in my heart and mind. I was pretty vocal about it as an older teen and younger adult and am probably judging my worries on the reactions I received in the past a bit too much.
and then of course there is my sister who will pee her pants w/ glee. my aunt, who also had a hard time conceiving, is an herbalist/acupuncturist and probably has all sorts of great info for me. my dad will be so happy and my guys family will be so excited.
thinking maybe I could start w/ and email to my mom. tell her I'm scared to tell her but want her to know what's going on in my life. its hard to have a close relationship w/ people when I'm omitting a huge part of my life from our conversations.
on a good note though, my man and I have had (really amazing) sex almost every day this cycle (the first few days of menstruation we skipped but we are seriously on a roll). we are feeling really in love and loving towards one another. we are having some great conversations about our relationship and our lives together (and how to maintain our individuality throughout a committed relationship). its feeling really good and I'm feeling really proud of us!
thanks ladies, any words of wisdom on the 'talking to family" front would be oh so helpful
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But i would tell them. Everybody in our family knows that we are trying. The only tough part about them knowing is that some of them are as impatient as me, and ask every time they see us if I'm pregnant yet. Which can be a big downer on red days.
We have recieved some slightly negative reactions based on our financial situation, but I just don't take that stuff to heart. To me waiting for financial stability to have a baby is like waiting for rain before you plant your garden. Don't matter how much rain comes if summer is over-ykwim. I just give them my arguments as politely as i can and then talk about something else. If they aren't with me on it, then they aren't the people that i need to be talking to.
I can't imagine not having my mom's support and caring. She really helps me out when i start feeling down about things.
The only important people in my life that don't know are the people that i work with, because i figure it's none of their business until the bun is in the oven and they have to start figuring out how to cover my maternity leave.
I'm sure that when you got your negative reactions before your situation was different from now. I bet most of those people will be with you now.
wwwpjhd? What would pj harvey do?
Tigerfish Mama
I think I would want to know if my grown daughter was trying to have a baby, and I would want her to know she had my support. it's not like you're a teenager, or destitute, or would be putting your kid on your family to take care of, you know? don' underestimate their being happy for you.
creative life | children
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt
creative life | children
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt
And here's the flipside, I guess. Take this with a big grain of salt, because I've never been TTC. Hope to someday (actually have one that I planned...that would be awesome.) But I don't see why they need to know. I mean, maybe a few select folks like your aunt, maybe your mom, but say it in the context of the fact that you really don't know if it will happen, let alone WHEN, and you don't want to be having that conversation every 28 days in the meanwhile! For folks who you want to be able to talk to about it, rock on. But honestly, even though I'm super sex-positive and very open with my friends, I just feel like...there's a time and a place; that time is not always, and that place is not everywhere.
*prepares for the airborne tomatoes*
24/MN. Queer, veg, single, AP mama to DD1.5
25/MN and WA. Queer, veg, single, AP mama to DD2.5.
I'm with Creatress on this one. Keep in mind that I am way older than most of the hipmamas, but I have always been truly uncomfortable with people telling me they are trying. People in real life, I mean -- in a forum like this I find it very exciting. I just don't see it as any of my business. I think it also makes it really hard when things don't happen as quickly as we would like because then you have the constant barrage of questions that go along with it.
"Step off my big ass."
- Anthromom
ditto.
I feel like, what's the upside? If the upside is getting to confide a fun secret in a friend or two, then by all means go for it. But there's no obligation here, in fact, I think Emily Post would be pretty staunchly against sharing. I see many potential hassles like getting questions that add to the frustration of not conceiving as quickly as one would like, doctor recommendations, comments on what you/partner eats or drinks, etc. But what's to be gained?
***the United States is one of only four out of 168 countries studied to not have some form of paid family leave for new moms. We join Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, and Lesotho in not having that policy in place. ***
of Mad ABout You were they decide to tell the extended family they're 'trying." the responses ranged from "Umm, okay..." to "Eww, why would i want to know that?"
and honestly, I kinda agree. trying is not something i ever wanted to advertise to or hear about from even my closest family members. maybe if i was having TTC struggles and needed to reach out to someone who understood and could offer some guidance. but otherwise, no.
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I think I"m wanting some loving support from my mom. at the moment we've only been trying for five months and kind of relaxedly at that. but I think if this goes on for MANY more months... or years, her support could be really useful. broadcasting it isn't quite my style but I feel like I"m hiding something from her.
a couple other mamas made the point that telling certain people is just asking for "responses" that I don't really want right now. but family? I think my closest family members aught to know.... if not now, at some point anyway.
thanks motor!
and what would pj harvey do about his one!? I'll ponder on that