an update

life with three savage daughters is messy. today, my oldest, Quimby turns 5! hard to believe, i know.---insert sappy mom cliches here--- she is mostly sweet, and learning how to be a bit more refined. she wants to learn how to read and write so badly. i like her.
Clementine, at three and a half, can be a bit obstinante at times. she is starting to get a grasp on language thanks to her awesome speech teacher. she really has come a long way. after months of testing, the doctors are positive they have no idea why she lost all the hearing in her right ear, and some in her left. i guess sometimes knowing nothing is better than knowing bad news.
Matilda will be one in two more days. i love her. she is a riot. such a happy baby, so much fun to be around.

i work a lot of nights at a resturant that i love with people that i love. we are getting ready to start hosting bands again at our little underground music venue in our backyard (www.copperworks.org)

i guess the biggest obstical in my life these days is my relationship with my husband. i think it might be time for counseling. i have never really believed in counseling before, but right now we are not able to talk about the hard stuff together.

a brief outline of the issues---
we always considered ourselves in an open marriage, but nothing ever came of it. to me, it meant that we were (with full communication) free to express our headonism from time to time.

about 9 months ago my husband started a friendship with a woman. he let her move into our open apartment, got her a job at his workplace, hung out with her every night... throughout the duration of the relationship i expressed concern that he was spending too much time with her. eventually they moved the friendship to a romantic relationship, i was part of the communication. i was never comfortable with the situation entirely, but i was willing to give it a try. after a couple months it was clear that it just wasnt working for me. they promised to end it, but their relationship lingers on.

she lost her job at his workplace (for unrelated reasons.) and i recently told him that she needs to move out. she plans on moving by may.

he continues to want a friendship with her. i continue to tell him he is hurting me by maintaing a friendship with her. he is shutting down and cant talk to me anymore.

he says that i have always been too harsh on him in daily life. he feels like a failure when it comes to housework or grocery shopping, or his feelings. i always shoot him down. it is somewhat true. i can be critical at times.

so what do we do right now? i am at a loss.
it hurts so bad.
but when it is good, it is the best ever....

thanks for listening mamas