Whats on my mind this evening.

this is what is on my mind this evening. What is on yours?

1. I am a bit confused by the layout of this site right now. I just got back on the computer today after being sick since Wednesday and BAM! Different. I will have to orient myself around here once again

2. I am very glad to be feeling better. Wednesday night I came down with SOMETHING, and was up all night being sick. Thursday I couldnt keep ANYTHING down. Friday I could keep down power packed smoothies, but had the wicked runs (TMI...I know.) Saturday I was feeling quite a bit better, but still had a tummy ache, but by the end of the day, I managed to eat an avocado maki roll without pooping it out 10 minutes later! Yesterday, I was better, but busy because I had a friend come over and made us Breakfast for Lunch (banana pancakes and tempeh 'bacon'). today I am 100% me again and got out of the house with Bear. I am quite tired, but alive and well. Also about 7 pounds lighter, which means that now, instead of only gaining 5 pounds, I want to gain 12.

3. April 2nd of this year officially initiates Phase 2 of the custody "battle". This is so silly. i think this is part of the reason that I got sick, actually, the negativity that surrounds thewhole idea of going to court. The energy in that place makes me nauseous. BD served me (incorrectly, so I could have actually ignored it and had no penalty against me, but I was waiting for him to do it so that I would look like I was being defensive instead of offensive by bringing him to court = he made me look better)with papers that are pretty much a big joke. Incorrectly filled out, he lied like a rug (apparently i have "stated to him that i have difficulty taking care of 'the child' so she frequently spends prolonged periods of time at her parents place out of town for assistance while denying me the chance to parent my son"). That s not even true. There were also a few other blatant lies on his papers that I have cold hard proof are lies. I'm pretty sure the judge will rip him to shreds once she gets my papers. But April 2nd is only the first pretrial in front of a clerk...or something to that effect. I *heart* my lawyer.

4. i told C today that we will move into her place. We both need the love and support of friends right now. We've done lots of talking, I think we're on the same page. She's a wonderful friend. I love her children.

5. Poor Bman has a cold right now, thanks, once again...to his father visiting with a cold last week and sniffing and snotting and coughing all over the dear wee boy. Seriously, the man just doesn't care. he disgusts me.
On the other hand, he may possibly be the happiest baby ever. Sometimes things are a bit overwhelming (especially when i am so sick i can barely stand), but he just makes me grin by grinning. It's always worth mustering up the energy. He really is a wonderful, special little guy!

6. I am a bit bonkers with my mother recently. This is a big thing, I will probably post more on this at another time. Possibly later tonight, even.

7. Renshenfengwangjiang! Best stuff ever, if you can find it. Ginseng and royal jelly, its great for your immune system plus it gives you LOTS of energy without a gross caffiene like crash (plus lasts longer). You can get a box of thirty little bottles for 10 bucks (at least thats how much it costs at the chinese herbalist here in town). A cheap pick me up when youre on your last legs! Drug free energy, i loooooooove it.

8. Whydo I still care one aiota about the man that donated his sperm to my beautiful sons existence? As if he hasn't crapped on me enough, and continues to constantly do so...yet some reason, I still feel something there for him. Maybe its just an empty spot where your childs father is "supposed' to be..where I wanted him to be. Did I want him to be there? After he treated me like shit, cheated on, left me alone all the time,is an impatient, cold father, is an alcoholic good for-nothing drug addict that has never once kept his side of the bargain when it comes to Bear? Yes. I did. And I dislike him more because of it.
grrr.